Early last month:  I stay in a hotel in Scottsdale with a cool little espresso maker in my room.  I drink fifteen thousand of them because they are free and the process to make them is easy and at no point am I able to shut my eyes while in the state of Arizona.  When I leave the following morning, I'm pretty sure I'm capable of flying to my next stop under my own steam.

The rest of last month:  Hem and haw over whether or not I should buy the cool little espresso maker.  In terms of espresso makers, they're on the cheap end and the end result is professional-grade.  Look in stores like Williams-Sonoma for the model I want.  They have it, but I would have to join Nespresso Club to get actual coffee pods.  This smacks of far too much effort.

Early this month:  Watch an ad for Nespresso and pull up their website.  Learn that if I want to even see what varieties of coffee pods they offer, I have to sign up for the Nespresso Club.  I equate this with joining a gang - easy to get in, impossible to get out.  Declare shenanigans and log off.  Haunted by Nespresso ads every time I log on after this.  Annoyed.  Determined to NOT buy Nespresso maker due to level of annoyance.

Last week:  Take an Ambien and bring iPad into bedroom. 

Yesterday morning:  Ambien-order-induced espresso machine and pods arrive from Amazon, as do a bottle of exotic gardenia scented shampoo, a very large leopard print bra, SPF 4 tanning oil, twenty four rollerball pens, and homeopathic pills to treat my non-existent yeast infection.

Yesterday noon:  Set up machine and take for a test run.  Ooh!  As fast as I remember!  Just press a button and then, bang!  Espresso!  Mmm!  Tasty-delicious!

Yesterday afternoon:  But they're so small!  And so quick to make!  I could stand here debating about having one more espresso, or I could pop in a pod and think about this over a wee cup of paradise!  Granted, I can see my heart beating outside of my chest, but that's probably really aerobic and healthy!

Yesterday after dinner:  Come on, another one's not going to bother me!!!  I'm not impacted by caffeine like I used to be!!!  I can handle it!!!  WHO WANTS TO WRESTLE???

Last night at midnight: 

Me - "Hey, Fletch, do you feel like taking a run right now?  Because I kind of feel like taking a run!!  Maybe do some windsprints up and down the driveway???" 

Fletch - "No!  Can't run!  No running!!  Too busy looking at espresso serving options on iPad!  See!  We can get the demitasse!Or the regular espresso mug!Or a cappuccino mug!Ooh, let's find the Lavazza ones they have at Inovasi with the logo!Those would be perfect!Yes!We'll do that!Orwecouldgetthemall!!" 

Me - "Yes!!  Okay, you do that and I'm going to run the stairs and then paint the garage door!"

Earlier this morning:  Going online to join stupid club to order decaf pods after sleepless night.

Right now:  In two espresso deep and it's not even 9:00 AM.  Switching my order to next day delivery.

*This is not a sponsored post because I don't do those.  Yet I would be willing to sell my firstborn for pods! pods! more pods! which is fairly ironic if you think about it.