Okay, so I saw Breaking Dawn, Part 2... and I had to wait for the lights to come up at the end because I had tears in my eyes and didn't want to walk out of the theater crying over this nonsense. 

Did I mention I was consumed by the BURNING, ANGRY FLAMES OF SHAME for letting the stupid credits get to me?  Since when am I a premenstrual fifteen year old girl?  (But you'll understand when you see it - I won't spoil it for you.)

Anyway, I'd planned to photograph and post my re-enactment today but I had to lie down when I got home because I thought I was going into diabetic shock from the metric ton of soda I received with my popcorn. 

I didn't actually want the medium Cherry Coke I received for upgrading to Popcorn Package One - I just liked the idea of saving a dollar by not purchasing a small soda and popcorn a la carte.  I'm not even a soda fan, per se, and I only drink it at the movies or with pizza.  Were I a Cherry Cokehead, I still wouldn't want to inhale a pickle bucket full of it.  I swear to you I had to grip this thing with two hands.  I was going to bring the cup with me after the movie to take a picture because this was literally the largest beverage I've ever seen, but I decided it was too heavy to carry to the car.  (Of course, the fault is all mine for continually sipping it throughout the movie, yet for the first time, I have to wonder if Mayor Bloomberg wasn't right.)

(TEAM BLOOMBERG?)

Point?  I missed the sunny part of the day because I was hallucinating from ingesting a hogshead full of liquid Pixie Stix, so now I'm going to work on the post tomorrow and put it up by Monday.

Since you came expecting awesome photos, how about I show you...

THE COVER FOR THE TAO OF MARTHA!!

I love this cover so much that I want to move to a progressive state and form a domestic partnership with it.  The cake!  The messed up banner!  The shrine to Martha!  The potential for salmonella from the eggshells!  The photoshoot was so fun and we all kept making suggestions like, "What if we wiped frosting on the apron and then threw sprinkles on it?"

Could not be happier here. 

So, the book comes out in June of 2013, largely because I'm still going to be writing it until January of 2013.

In other news, I'll be doing a mini-tour for Here I Go Again (which now drops on January 29th again, instead of February 5th, which was some sort of online retailer glitch) and here's where you can see me:

TUESDAY, JANUARY 29

SAINT LOUIS , MO

Location TBA

*books sold by Left Bank Books

7 PM

Guidelines: The book talk is
free and open to the public. Purchase your copy of HERE I GO AGAIN in advance or at
the event from Left Bank Books to receive a ticket to the signing line.
Backlist will also be available for sale at the event, but you are also welcome
to bring your favorites from home for Jen to sign as well. People without
signing line tickets from Left Bank Books will be asked to wait until
the end to have their books signed.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 30

MOBILE , AL   

Location TBA

“Read it and Eat” luncheon

*books sold by Page & Palette

12 PM

Guidelines: This is a ticketed luncheon. To purchase tickets,
call Page & Palette at 251-928-5295.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 31

GREENVILLE , SC  

“Book Your Lunch”

The Lazy Goat

179 River Place

Greenville,
SC 29601

*books sold by Fiction Addiction

12:00 PM

Guidelines: This is a ticketed luncheon. To purchase tickets
call Fiction Addiction at 864-675-0540.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1

PAWLEY’S ISLAND, SC

Luncheon at Pawley’s Plantation Clubhouse

70 Tanglewood
Dr.

Pawley’s Island,
SC 29585

*books sold by Litchfield Books

11:00 AM

Guidelines: This is a ticketed luncheon. To purchase tickets,
call Litchfield Books at 843-235-9600.

THURSDAY, FEBURARY 7

NAPERVILLE , IL

Anderson’s
Bookshop

123 West
Jefferson Ave.

Naperville,
IL 60540

7 PM

Guidelines: Anderson’s will issue signing line
numbers with a purchase of HERE I GO AGAIN. Books purchased outside the store
will be honored in addition to the purchase of HERE I GO AGAIN, but limited to
two per person.

I'll update these cities with locations as soon as they're determined.  Also, there's always a possibility for more tour dates later in the spring depending on sales, and I'll be doing a full tour in June for Martha, so if your city isn't here, fear not!

But, for right this minute, I'm planning to map out my Breaking Dawn photos... and eat some protein.