Dear Santa Claus,



I take my pen in hand to write a few lines that let you know I have conducted myself very well over the past twelvemonth and to say how much I look forward to your upcoming visit on the evening of December 24.



Your annual call is truly a highlight of my year. In preparation therefor, I have acquired fresh, whole cow's milk (currently stored in a cold, humidity-controlled environment), added a collection of brightly colored hosiery to my home's feng shui, and gathered together the ingredients for several varieties of home-baked treats. I expect it to be a very enjoyable evening all around and hope you do as well.



In response to your anticipated query “what can I bring,” the answer is, of course, only your own dear self. However, should you feel irresistibly compelled, any or all of the following would be a most welcome addition to the holiday celebration:


A bottle of scotch from the year my husband was born
A pair of flares from the year I was born
Three vertical inches (the repurposing of horizontal inches is highly encouraged)
A hockey season (and/or a new commissioner for the NHL)
Mjölnir
An improved Netflix interface on the Xbox
A “Noah's Ark”-style collection of two each of all of the world's motorcycles
The instant and effortless knowledge of Mandarin
Another Firefly movie
A revised pricing structure for online subscriptions to The New York Times
Six weeks in Taos, all expenses paid
Deborah Ann Woll's complexion
Carl Kasell's voice on my home answering machine or voice mail system
Omnipotent omniscience
Rainbow toe socks


As you may recall from years previous, our current abode is warmed by gas heat, making the front door, as opposed to your standard means of entrance, the more comfortable option.



Again, I look forward to your visit with eager anticipation and wish you safe and pleasant travels.



Sincerely yours,

Michele Feltman Strider





Today's lesson: Santa is real. I'm imaginary.



Next: The Yummish Holiday Letter