We’re at the dinner table last night when we see an ad for
some super-explode-y, CGI-filled, alien-invading-looking movie.  Naturally (and immediately) my interest is
piqued.

“Hey,” I say, “rewind what.” 
(If you don’t have the television on during dinner, then please
congratulate yourselves for not slogging along in the cultural morass that is
my life.)  “I believe I’d like to see
that film.”

Fletch rolls his eyes. 
“Of course you would.”  He takes a
bite, chews thoughtfully and then mentions, “I think Channing Tatum may be in
that movie,” which causes me to make what can only be described as an unholy
noise coupled with a mass intake of breath.

He rolls his eyes again. 
“I don’t get it – how come women are allowed to ogle Channing Tatum with
impunity?”

I reply, “Because my interest in him is innocent.  I don’t want to marry him.  I want to be married to you.  I don’t even want to make out with him.  Pretty much my plans for Channing Tatum include
gawping and giggling.”

“Let me ask you this – what would you do if I went all
Pavlovian like you do every time you hear his name?  What would you think if I was apeshit over…
give me the name of some big female star today.”

“Um… Miley Cyrus?”

“Ugh.  No.  How about… Scarlett Johansson?  What if I carried on like you do?  What would happen?  Listen, I know
what would happen.  You’d punch me.”

I nod.  “Most likely,
yes.”

“That doesn’t strike you as bullshit, like a massive double-standard?”

I take another bite of my dinner and nod.  “It’s totally a double-standard.”

“How is that acceptable?”

Well, that is a puzzler. 

I quietly reflect for a moment while I work it all out.  I snap my fingers.  “Got it! 
It’s because for every dollar a man makes, a woman typically makes
seventy-seven cents.  Those twenty-three
disparate cents are our justification.”

“So what you’re telling me is because of pay inequality, you’re
allowed to ogle Channing Tatum as though you were a Teamster on a construction
site?”

“Yep.  Those
twenty-three cents allow us to say whatever we want.  That disparity is what I call the Channing
Tatum Tax.”

This statement leaves him speechless, as well it should.

Now, when’s Magic Mike on again?