Exerpt from Mending the Wounds
Copyrighted InformationCopyright 2015 by C.R. Gress
The following is copyrighted information and shall be punishable by law:
Jordan
“I’m tired Aiden. I am so tired. I have thought about you every day for over twenty years and it still hurts.”I’m sitting in the graveyard. I come here every week; well, at least I did before I moved to Florida. The only other time in my life when I didn’t visit weekly was when I was enlisted and stationed in another state. But now, I’m back in the graveyard, sitting with my back against the headstone wondering how I have survived since Aiden’s death. It has been quite a while since I have visited; and frankly, I’m not even sure how I got here today. “I miss you Aiden. I miss everything about you. You left me here, all alone, to deal with this shit life I have endured. I should have been with you. You should have taken me with you; but you didn’t, and I have lived a life of pain and sorrow every day since.”Tears stream down my face as I fiddle with the bouquet of roses I brought with me; real roses, not those fake silk roses you find all over the graveyard. The same roses I had placed on his grave when he died and the same roses I have brought every visit since that day. I’m numb, literally. I cannot feel any part of my body and the irony doesn’t escape me. I have been numb for the better part of twenty some years. Well, with the exception of childbirth and raising my children; oh, and the one love I have experienced since Aiden’s death that could even compare, Gavin. The happy moments of my life; falling in love with Aiden, falling in love with Gavin, the birth of my two daughters and my son. In all actuality, for being as old as I am, I should have had more happy moments than what occupies that short list. Instead, my life has been filled with enough hurt and pain to permanently disable one’s will to live. I can admit there have been times when it has affected my will to live. Now all I can think about is that I am tired of fighting. I am tired of having to be the rock that everyone else leans on for strength. Just once, why can’t I lean on someone? It’s time for me to crumble; to give up. “What are you doing, Jordan?”“Hello?” I look around the graveyard trying to find the source of the voice but there is no one anywhere in sight. It’s just me and the headstones. So now I am hallucinating?A bubble of warmth engulfs me where a moment ago I was feeling a chill.“I’m sorry Aiden, I just cannot do it anymore. It’s time for me to give up and maybe we can be together again.”“No you are not giving up!”“Who said that?” I question, loudly, standing up and looking around the graveyard for the perpetrator. “This is not funny! Whoever you are, quit fucking around and come out where I can see you!”“I’m right behind you,” the voice whispers and I feel a tuft of my hair being flicked. I turn around, angry; but all anger dissolves when my eyes land on Aiden. I rub my eyes and look again to make sure I am not dreaming. Nope still there. “Aiden!” I squeal, throwing my arms around him and holding on tight. He returns the embrace and whispers in my ear. “I’ve got you baby girl, but we have to hurry. I don’t have a lot of time and I need to make sure you understand some things before I have to go again.”“No! You can’t leave me again. Please? I’m begging you; don’t leave me again. Take me with you?” I cry out, tightening my grip on his body.“It’s not your time, Jordan. I wish I could take you with me; God only knows how much, but I can’t. I was sent here to help you; to help get you back on the right track,” Aiden soothes, still holding me tightly.I pull away from him and turn my back to him. It is the most unnatural feeling in the world but I have to guard myself. It messed me up bad enough the first time; I cannot bear losing him again. Aiden encompasses me in his arms from behind and nuzzles my hair. “I miss this the most.”“Miss what?”“I miss holding you in my arms, filling my lungs with the smell of your shampoo. I have watched you since the day I died. You never changed; you’re still the same beautiful woman I fell in love with all of those years ago. I have done my best to watch over you; to keep you safe. Things didn’t always work out the way I wanted them to but I couldn’t intervene or else I would have been forbidden from watching over you. I do get to spend a lot of time with Renee’, though.”My body shudders at the thought of my daughter being taken from me way too soon.“Shh, no need to be upset. She is in a better place and boy is she so much like you. Talk about strong willed. Renee’ watches over you with me.”“Why didn’t she come today? I mean if she watches over me, then why couldn’t she come with you?”“This is something I had to do alone. I’m sorry Jordan; while I know that it was written in your stars to withstand the things placed in front of you, I still can’t help but feel like I sent you into that downward spiral. God has plans for you, which is why you were not with me that night. It tore my heart out over and over to watch you beat yourself up thinking you could have stopped the accident. You need to understand that it was my time to go whether you were with me or not. The same goes for Renee’. Both of us were miserable watching you blame yourself for her death. We saw your thoughts. We saw you get onto yourself for going back to work. It was nobody’s fault. If you were home that day and had Renee’ with you, she still would have died. It was her time to go. It was God’s plan for you.”Aiden walks me over and pulls me down to sit beside him against his headstone.“What do you mean, ‘it was God’s plan for me’?” I ask, confused and a bit angry. “What did I ever do so wrong to deserve that plan?”“You did nothing wrong. You were meant for greatness and all of the trials and tribulations you have endured have been to prepare you for your biggest fight yet.”Aiden wraps his arms around me again and pulls me closer to him.Sadly, I admit, “I don’t have any fight left in me, Aiden.” “Yes you do! Just don’t give up. You are stronger than you will ever know and that strength will pull you through this.”“What if I don’t want to get through this?”“You will. You have raised two beautiful children to be assets to the world. If you leave them now, it will be detrimental to the both of them and is not what God has planned for them.”“Why would I want to get through this when I know I can be with you if I just give up?” I question him. “Jordan, I love you and I always have. It just was not in the stars for you and I to remain together. That is why I sent…”My body jerks, “Ouch!” I grumble.Aiden’s eyes fill with sorrow. “Jordan, I don’t have much more time so I need to you to listen to me closely.”My body jerks again and the graveyard begins to fill with a white haze.Aiden’s voice begins to fade as he hurries to finish what he is saying, “I sent the perfect man for you. He was my choice and he loves you. He loves you just as much if not more than I do. Embrace him, Jordan. He will give you everything you have ever dreamed of.”“Who are you talking about?”“You will know in your heart, Jordan. You just have to listen.”Aiden’s body disappears just as he places a gentle kiss on my forehead. I look around and the graveyard is gone. Nothing but white light.My body begins to shake violently.“Jordan! Wake up Jordan. Can you hear me?”My eyes shoot open as tears stream down my face and I cry out, “Aiden! No! Please don’t leave me!”Slowly my eyes focus on my surroundings and I am able to make out a nurse and my doctor standing over me. I start to freak out and begin to try and scramble up from the lying position I am in. I can hear beeping from somewhere beside me as it speeds up quickly seemingly getting louder with each beep.“Jordan, I need you to try and calm down. You are just coming out of the anesthesia and it’s too dangerous to try and sedate you right now,” Doctor Eshbach explains as he continues his attempt to sooth me.I attempt to relax back into the bed I am lying in.“Her heart rate and blood pressure are returning to normal doctor.” I hear someone call from behind me.Just breathe. Inhale…exhale.Doctor Eshbach continues to explain, “You are just coming out of the anesthesia and we are having you moved into your room to be monitored following your surgery. The surgery went well and I am expecting you to heal very quickly. Currently you are still on a Morphine drip for the pain and as the day goes on, we will slowly reduce the amount you are given so we can judge your pain levels. There is a bit of swelling, which is expected, and we have placed skin stretchers as well as attached drains where your breast tissue was removed.”
#romance #amwriting #mendingthewounds #scarsseries #breastcancerawareness #BRCA #ebooks
The following is copyrighted information and shall be punishable by law:
Jordan
“I’m tired Aiden. I am so tired. I have thought about you every day for over twenty years and it still hurts.”I’m sitting in the graveyard. I come here every week; well, at least I did before I moved to Florida. The only other time in my life when I didn’t visit weekly was when I was enlisted and stationed in another state. But now, I’m back in the graveyard, sitting with my back against the headstone wondering how I have survived since Aiden’s death. It has been quite a while since I have visited; and frankly, I’m not even sure how I got here today. “I miss you Aiden. I miss everything about you. You left me here, all alone, to deal with this shit life I have endured. I should have been with you. You should have taken me with you; but you didn’t, and I have lived a life of pain and sorrow every day since.”Tears stream down my face as I fiddle with the bouquet of roses I brought with me; real roses, not those fake silk roses you find all over the graveyard. The same roses I had placed on his grave when he died and the same roses I have brought every visit since that day. I’m numb, literally. I cannot feel any part of my body and the irony doesn’t escape me. I have been numb for the better part of twenty some years. Well, with the exception of childbirth and raising my children; oh, and the one love I have experienced since Aiden’s death that could even compare, Gavin. The happy moments of my life; falling in love with Aiden, falling in love with Gavin, the birth of my two daughters and my son. In all actuality, for being as old as I am, I should have had more happy moments than what occupies that short list. Instead, my life has been filled with enough hurt and pain to permanently disable one’s will to live. I can admit there have been times when it has affected my will to live. Now all I can think about is that I am tired of fighting. I am tired of having to be the rock that everyone else leans on for strength. Just once, why can’t I lean on someone? It’s time for me to crumble; to give up. “What are you doing, Jordan?”“Hello?” I look around the graveyard trying to find the source of the voice but there is no one anywhere in sight. It’s just me and the headstones. So now I am hallucinating?A bubble of warmth engulfs me where a moment ago I was feeling a chill.“I’m sorry Aiden, I just cannot do it anymore. It’s time for me to give up and maybe we can be together again.”“No you are not giving up!”“Who said that?” I question, loudly, standing up and looking around the graveyard for the perpetrator. “This is not funny! Whoever you are, quit fucking around and come out where I can see you!”“I’m right behind you,” the voice whispers and I feel a tuft of my hair being flicked. I turn around, angry; but all anger dissolves when my eyes land on Aiden. I rub my eyes and look again to make sure I am not dreaming. Nope still there. “Aiden!” I squeal, throwing my arms around him and holding on tight. He returns the embrace and whispers in my ear. “I’ve got you baby girl, but we have to hurry. I don’t have a lot of time and I need to make sure you understand some things before I have to go again.”“No! You can’t leave me again. Please? I’m begging you; don’t leave me again. Take me with you?” I cry out, tightening my grip on his body.“It’s not your time, Jordan. I wish I could take you with me; God only knows how much, but I can’t. I was sent here to help you; to help get you back on the right track,” Aiden soothes, still holding me tightly.I pull away from him and turn my back to him. It is the most unnatural feeling in the world but I have to guard myself. It messed me up bad enough the first time; I cannot bear losing him again. Aiden encompasses me in his arms from behind and nuzzles my hair. “I miss this the most.”“Miss what?”“I miss holding you in my arms, filling my lungs with the smell of your shampoo. I have watched you since the day I died. You never changed; you’re still the same beautiful woman I fell in love with all of those years ago. I have done my best to watch over you; to keep you safe. Things didn’t always work out the way I wanted them to but I couldn’t intervene or else I would have been forbidden from watching over you. I do get to spend a lot of time with Renee’, though.”My body shudders at the thought of my daughter being taken from me way too soon.“Shh, no need to be upset. She is in a better place and boy is she so much like you. Talk about strong willed. Renee’ watches over you with me.”“Why didn’t she come today? I mean if she watches over me, then why couldn’t she come with you?”“This is something I had to do alone. I’m sorry Jordan; while I know that it was written in your stars to withstand the things placed in front of you, I still can’t help but feel like I sent you into that downward spiral. God has plans for you, which is why you were not with me that night. It tore my heart out over and over to watch you beat yourself up thinking you could have stopped the accident. You need to understand that it was my time to go whether you were with me or not. The same goes for Renee’. Both of us were miserable watching you blame yourself for her death. We saw your thoughts. We saw you get onto yourself for going back to work. It was nobody’s fault. If you were home that day and had Renee’ with you, she still would have died. It was her time to go. It was God’s plan for you.”Aiden walks me over and pulls me down to sit beside him against his headstone.“What do you mean, ‘it was God’s plan for me’?” I ask, confused and a bit angry. “What did I ever do so wrong to deserve that plan?”“You did nothing wrong. You were meant for greatness and all of the trials and tribulations you have endured have been to prepare you for your biggest fight yet.”Aiden wraps his arms around me again and pulls me closer to him.Sadly, I admit, “I don’t have any fight left in me, Aiden.” “Yes you do! Just don’t give up. You are stronger than you will ever know and that strength will pull you through this.”“What if I don’t want to get through this?”“You will. You have raised two beautiful children to be assets to the world. If you leave them now, it will be detrimental to the both of them and is not what God has planned for them.”“Why would I want to get through this when I know I can be with you if I just give up?” I question him. “Jordan, I love you and I always have. It just was not in the stars for you and I to remain together. That is why I sent…”My body jerks, “Ouch!” I grumble.Aiden’s eyes fill with sorrow. “Jordan, I don’t have much more time so I need to you to listen to me closely.”My body jerks again and the graveyard begins to fill with a white haze.Aiden’s voice begins to fade as he hurries to finish what he is saying, “I sent the perfect man for you. He was my choice and he loves you. He loves you just as much if not more than I do. Embrace him, Jordan. He will give you everything you have ever dreamed of.”“Who are you talking about?”“You will know in your heart, Jordan. You just have to listen.”Aiden’s body disappears just as he places a gentle kiss on my forehead. I look around and the graveyard is gone. Nothing but white light.My body begins to shake violently.“Jordan! Wake up Jordan. Can you hear me?”My eyes shoot open as tears stream down my face and I cry out, “Aiden! No! Please don’t leave me!”Slowly my eyes focus on my surroundings and I am able to make out a nurse and my doctor standing over me. I start to freak out and begin to try and scramble up from the lying position I am in. I can hear beeping from somewhere beside me as it speeds up quickly seemingly getting louder with each beep.“Jordan, I need you to try and calm down. You are just coming out of the anesthesia and it’s too dangerous to try and sedate you right now,” Doctor Eshbach explains as he continues his attempt to sooth me.I attempt to relax back into the bed I am lying in.“Her heart rate and blood pressure are returning to normal doctor.” I hear someone call from behind me.Just breathe. Inhale…exhale.Doctor Eshbach continues to explain, “You are just coming out of the anesthesia and we are having you moved into your room to be monitored following your surgery. The surgery went well and I am expecting you to heal very quickly. Currently you are still on a Morphine drip for the pain and as the day goes on, we will slowly reduce the amount you are given so we can judge your pain levels. There is a bit of swelling, which is expected, and we have placed skin stretchers as well as attached drains where your breast tissue was removed.”
#romance #amwriting #mendingthewounds #scarsseries #breastcancerawareness #BRCA #ebooks
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