Book Buying Addicts Anonymous discussion

The only people I lend books to are my husband and daughters -- no one else ever returns them. I finally learned not to lend to friends after never getting anything returned to me. I also don't borrow books. I'd rather own them anyway.

I will lend books to people I live with (so they can't claim it's theirs or something) or people I know are readers and won't take 3 months to get it back to me. When I borrow a book from someone I think it's just polite to read it as quickly as possible and then return it. Then you can have discussions about the book, which I love.

I mostly lend to my mom because we love to talk about books (like the hunger games) and my boyfriend because I want him to be more of a reader.

I do not lend books out any longer, not after some were not returned and some others that were came back mangled. Seriously, does one have to crack the spine completely, twist the two halves so that the ends meet, then also fold over the cover of the page every time they stop so much as for a sip of water? :)

Adalie wrote: "Hi, I'm Adalie and I'm definitely a book buying addict. I just realized there's a group for this kind of thing. Yay!

No one gets that I LOVE buying the books I read -- my parents tell me I'm wasting my money -- they just don't understand how wonderful it is to hold a book in your hand and read it, knowing that it's yours and you can pick it up whenever you want! ..."

Oh, Adalie, you SO belong here. I know exactly where you are coming from, my folks do the same thing to me and one of the reasons I buy is because I want a book I love to read to be available whenever I want to read it, too. Welcome to the B.B.A.A.! :-)

There are only a couple of people that I'm willing to lend my books to. I've had to buy too many books to replace the books that were never returned.

However, there are books that I will NEVER loan out because what if I want to read it again? While its on vacation away from home?

In that case, I have been known to just buy the potential borrower their own copy.

I love sharing books with people who have the same interests as me.BUT with the Kindle and Nook getting more popular, I'm afraid books themselves will be obsolete in a future era!!I have one HUGE bookshelf and a smaller one for my favorites.I'd hate to see my bookshelves empty.SO I do share but only on occassion and I would rebuy a book if I didn't get it back, if it was a favorite.

I like my books to be in really good shape, especially the ones that I really, really like. If the pages get messed up then I get upset. However, if it's a book that I thought was bad, I won't care if it gets stained or ripped. Those I'll hand out in a heartbeat. Other than that I only trust my family to read my books and not wreck them.

I have my reservations lending out books to people, but not because I'm afraid my books will be returned in an awful condition (usually just a tear or two, coffee stains, lots of folded pages even...). What I don't like is when people DON'T return my books, and I can seriously say I have lost quite a few books this way.

I still lend out books though, but only when I know that I'm gonna be seeing the person I lent the book to in the near future to ask for it back, or if I have built enough faith in the other person to return it to me.

I've been thinking about why I don't like to lend my books out, and indeed why I feel the need to own all the books that I've read and value - which is almost all of them! I just came across this quote from Inkheart by Cornelia Funke, which perhaps helps answer that question ...

"If you take a book with you on a journey,...an odd thing happens: The book begins collecting your memories. And forever after you have only to open that book to be back where you first read it. It will all come into your mind with the very first words: the sights you saw in that place, what it smelled like, the ice cream you ate while you were reading it...yes, books are like flypaper--memories cling to the printed page better than anything else."

My bookshelves don't just house my books, but also a collection of cherished memories. I don't let go of those memories lightly. If a book is lent out I am trusting that person not just with the book but also with the memories that the book has collected. For me, keeping that original copy seems somehow very important. Holding the book in my hand takes me back in time and place to when and where I first read the book. I think that my felt need to keep my books in pristine condition perhaps reflects a desire to recapture that moment when I very first opened the book and started that particular reading adventure.

I think that's just about the best explanation I can offer for my bibliophilic weirdness!

I didn't used to hate lending out books before until I met my now husband. First his best friend asked to borrow one of my favorite books and thinking nothing of it I lent it to him. Five months later I had to ask him about it and he shrugs his shoulders and tells me he lost it. Then my husband's mother stole several books that were worth a few hundred dollars. The last book I lent out came back completely destroyed without an apology or an explanation. So I no longer lend out books. If someone asks about borrowing a book from me I tell them where they can find it at a good deal.

I lend out books assuming i'll never get them back so am never upset. I really like the person getting the book and can either live without it or I have a second copy.I like lending, the idea of someone else enjoying the book as much as me is cool!

I'm surprised by the common themes here -- books returned in poor condition or never returned at all. I thought I was the only person with friends who did this?!

I agree with others who have said they sometimes buy another copy of books they love so that they can just give them to friends. I've done that on occasion, too. I don't mind giving a book away that I don't have an emotional attachment to!

On the whole, though, I'm sadly obsessive about my books. I have a hard time parting with even the ones that I didn't like.

How sad for everyone that has been bitten by inconsiderate people. I actually loan my books out fairly regularly to friends, family, and co-workers who in turn also lend to me. It is a fantastic way to read books that are out of my comfort zone or to get someone else to read books out of their comfort zone. I have lucked out and all my books have been returned to me in as good of a condition as I lent them out.

I'm a little annoyed at a friend who asked me to lend two of my books. I only agreed because I had recently borrowed one of her books. The thing is, I read it and returned her book in a little over a week. She, however, has now been with my books for almost 6 months. And I love those books, and I think they are out of print. I swear, I'll never lend my books again, and I'll never borrow again either.

After a book that I got back today, I will be VERY picky about who I lend out to. I had a brand new copy of , which I lent to my friend after I read it. She had it for like six months, and when I get it back today, it's very ripped up and completely neglected--it looks like she played tennis with it! Have a little respect for people's things if you are going to borrow it. I'm not a borrower, but if I do borrow, I get it back to them in the condition that I got it in. I don't take too kindly to people not giving my books the same respect.

I rarely lend out my books anymore as I have found that they are alwasy returned in a horrible state, for example I have once had a friend return a book that she dropped in the bath and her son had ripped out some of the pages. I just fell that people should be considerate when reading a book they have borrowed, I know whenever I have borrowed a book in the past I treat them with respect as after all they are someone elses property.

Bookbee wrote: "I rarely lend out my books anymore as I have found that they are alwasy returned in a horrible state, for example I have once had a friend return a book that she dropped in the bath and her son had..."

I think I'd rather not get a book back than get it back in that condition. Very very sad.

Serenella wrote: "I'm a little annoyed at a friend who asked me to lend two of my books. I only agreed because I had recently borrowed one of her books. The thing is, I read it and returned her book in a little over..."

have you asked her for it? maybe she has read it and just forgotten it return iy

I think it makes sense. I can lend out my books, but there are certain rules. I've also tried the thing with never getting a book back - three years later I still don't know what happened with my dear beloved book and have bought a new copy.

I never lend books unless I have another copy or I disliked it. when i was in my 20's is the last time. i got it back dog eared and dirty.

Ellie - you hit the nail on the head. People think nothing of picking up a book at your house and saying "Oh, I want to borrow this"........how would they feel if I went to their house and picked one of the pictures off the wall and said "Oh, I want to borrow this"? I guess those of us who love books as cherished friends don't understand that attitude. My books are important to me and although I do lend to a very special group of friends and family who love books as much as I do, I do not lend to anyone outside of that small group. I made that mistake once and never saw the book that I particularly loved again. Call me selfish, OCD, or stingy......no matter, my books stay with me.

Afsana wrote: "Serenella wrote: "I'm a little annoyed at a friend who asked me to lend two of my books. I only agreed because I had recently borrowed one of her books. The thing is, I read it and returned her boo..."

I have. She said she would return it, soon. That was like 3 months ago.

Worst book lending experience, I loaned a book to a friend of mine, who then loaned it to someone else, and then couldn't remember who. It ended up being her sister. The sister returned the book to me, and about a week later,she called and asked me to look in the book around the middle because she had gotten a phone call while she was reading and wrote a phone number on one of the pages and she needed the number. I was so angry and she was like "it's only a book!!"

I had to laugh...I thought I was the only crazy one. I don't like to loan out my books. It's like giving part of me away, strange as that sounds. Having said that, I have occasionally lent books to friends and co-workers and not gotten them back. Sometimes I just let it go (grumbling on the inside), but I remember once asking for a book repeatedly, and finally my colleague told me he had lent it to someone else! Not cool! As for borrowing..I'm uncomfortable doing that too..weird

I thought I was just selfish about not wanting to lend books to others. I rarely do it because I rarely get them back either. Two are MIA - actually I know who has them, but I'm just so anti-confrontational that I'm afraid to ask for them back. Stupid? Yes. I've been thinking about getting a stamp that says 'From The Hackenberg Library - if you've borrowed this book, please return it. Thanks:)' So nice to know that others feel as protective of their books as I do - and maybe I'm not quite as selfish as I feared.

I never lend because I am that person who never returns books, ever, so it would be unfair of me to expect differently from others. I give my books away if people are interested, or I go and buy them a new copy for themselves. Either way, it's an excuse to go back to the book store, so it's a win-win situation- my friends get presents and I get a bag full of new titles.

And to be fair, I've got so many books laying around that aren't really mine but I don't know who I borrowed them from, or they've moved away, or it's been years and years and I'd be embarrassed to return them. All those free books makes me a little skewed on the karma balance, so I gotta give back every once in a while.

My sister is the only person I would loan a cherished book to because she is just as particular about books as I am.

While I've had several bad experiences in the past with books loaned and lost, the request to borrow books doesn't happen to me often, thank heaven. I rarely reread a book (so many new ones to discover) and only keep a treasured few. The rest are usually passed on to my daughter-in-law with the direction that when she's read them she donate them to the library or pass them on to someone else...........NEVER throw them away!

Book thieves -- the scourge of the civilized world! Or as Charles Lamb called them: "Those mutilators of collections, spoilers of the symmetry of shelves, and creators of odd volumes."

I have absolutely no problem lending out books, especially to those who are having financial troubles. When I lend out books, naturally I hope to receive them back and in decent condition, but if I don't, I try not to spend too much time grieving. What's the point? I just hope that they actually read the book and don't lose it, that'd be a waste. The only books I don't lend are the ones I refer back to often. Those ones stay on their desginated bookshelf for a reason.

Oh wait! What does bother me is when I lend a book to someone and they try to tell me they gave it back to me already but they didn't! That irks me. Don't lie. If you want the book, just ask me.

A friend asked to borrow a book. I loaned it to her and maybe six months later she asked me if I wanted the book back because she had just found it. I'd rather keep this friend so I gave her the book. I stopped worrying about the book and kept a good friend. I do lend books to family but once upon a time did not get my book back and infact got "Did you lend me that book? I don't think you did." My relationship with that person has never been the same.

In high school I used to lend out books and movies to people I knew, I trusted them with my things and through all fours years only a couple of things got damaged so I was okay about it.

In elementary school I lent out a movie to my teacher and never got it back....that made me sad until my mom bought me another copy.

I have to confess. I lend books - not a big deal, but they have to ask to borrow them because of this little problem that I have. I actually don't like to borrow books except at the library because I have a terrible habit of not getting them read and returned.

Here is my story. Well, I have friends that hand me books and tell me to read them. I tell them that I am not sure when I will get to them. They say that's fine, but you have to read the book. Well, I am not sure how many "other peoples" books I still have because I didn't get around to reading them and then moved, had help putting stuff away, etc and don't know what's mine or what's theirs anymore. Eeek, I feel terrible. I have even told friends that have done this to to come to my house and go through my books and take whatever is theirs. They haven't. I have since found a special place for "friend borrowed" books and try to read those quickly. I currently have four "borrowed" books sitting on this shelf while I read other books. They just haven't called to me. Soon, I hope. They need to be returned!
I will admit that I do make sure to return them in the same condition that I found them when they do get returned. If they don't break the spines when they read their books, neither do I. I always use a book mark never the dust jacket etc in others books. I never stuff it in a bag, etc. It's just not right.

Tracey wrote: "Nyla wrote: "Am I crazy? I can't be the only one who has a hard time lending out books...can I?"

It seems like every time I loan books, I not only don't get the book back, but something happens ..."

That's crazy! Although I have to say I've noticed the same thing. Not as many instances as you but I lent books to people in high school that I never got back and I don't keep in touch with. I've lent books to friends who have moved. The one that annoys me the most though is that I've lent books and whole DVD series of shows to one friend that I still see and she never makes an effort to return them.

Tiffany wrote: I actually don't like to borrow books except at the library because I have a terrible habit of not getting them read and returned.

I don't like to borrow books either. I always do return them, but I have such a big pile of my own books to read that I really don't have much time for borrowed books. So if I do borrow a given book, I stay with it for a while, don't read it, and after one or two months I start to feel that I should return it. And I often feel bad about admitting to the owner that I never actually read their book. It sounds a bit rude somehow. Besides, if I borrow a book I will feel obliged to lend my own in return, and that never ends well for me, so yeah, better not to take them at all. Sometimes that's hard though.

Don't worry! I hate lending out my books, because one time, when I did. My friend ave it back to me and the back of the book were bend, some of the pages were a mess and so were the edges on the cover. I recently lend out another book, and I was a complete mess because I couldn't stop wondering in what condition I would get it back. It's a nightmare!

I don't like to borrow books either. I always do ..."

That's my other problem. When I don't get around to reading it and the person raved about it, but I just couldn't make myself. It sounds rude and I wonder myself how to tell them I had no desire.

I have trouble lending too! I always fear that they will destroy the delicate pages within.. Or one of the worse things you could possibly do; folding the cover behind the back of the book *cringe*

I rarely lend books - I'm ok with my brother and his wife borrowing them. I like to cover my books with contact -that way they stay in better condition even if it is just me reading them.

I dont tend to borrow books from other people either. I would rather find it at the library or buy my own copy.

I pass on books I've read all the time. It has to be really good for me to keep, and when I have decided on one I will keep, that book is loaned only to certain people. My husband gave me library pockets, cards, and an ownership stamp for Christmas a year or so ago, and so when a book I want back goes out, it gets a card! That way I know I will get it back. :)