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Don’t panic, you can conquer fear and Covid-19

When fear flies out the window, you can conquer anything that holds you back. You are more loved and more resilient than you know.

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Can you imagine choosing to live in fear or pain? An interesting thought, you say? Well, how many of us remain stuck in that place. We experience setbacks, negative news or go through hardships, and we become stuck in that place. We expect healing to appear through circumstances or other people, but it doesn’t work that way. Our ability to heal depends on our own choices. When we take responsibility for our lives, then transformation happens.

Think about it for a moment, what holds you back from letting go and walking in full health, even restoration in your life and possibly your relationships, dear one? 

 F E A R

That’s the answer:  FEAR

Fear is a liar and a thief. I’ve seen it in my own life and presently around the world. During December 2020 and into the new year, both my husband and I contracted Covid-19. It is the one test you don’t want to receive a positive result. We had very different physical symptoms, but the one thing that we both had in common was a lack of fear. Not because we are special, but because we had worked at conquering fear consistently over the past five years.

Fear will show up in every single one of our lives – but in different forms. For me, it emerged with a home invasion that launched a full-on fear-attack into our lives. For others, it is fear of failure or fear of not being enough or even fear of contamination.

What do you want?

You want your joy back?

You want your freedom back?

You want your passion back?

You want your health back?

Right?

One thing that we noticed was that after we had finished our time in isolation and began to emerge into society again when we told others we had Covid, they involuntarily took a step back. I heard the voice of fear all around me and saw it in the eyes of those I look into. 

Should you receive the news that you are Covid positive, be at peace. God is with you and you are not alone. The thing is that fear has several side-effects like some of the medication we take. 

Fear’s side-effectsIncreased stress and anxietyCompromised immune systemLack of clarity of thoughtUnusual decision-makingElevated heart-rate (even trouble breathing due to stress which can be misinterpreted for other symptoms)Further isolation (emotional and mental)

These are not good, dear friends.

And so, I’m writing this post to share with you a few tactics to overcome Covid-19 (physically, emotionally and mentally). This is what Neil and I did over the course of a couple of weeks (and we are still taking our vitamins and diffusing the oils). I’d like to mention that I am not a medical practitioner, therefore, please seek medical advice for your specific symptoms.

But let’s dive in.

What can you do to conquer fear and Covid-19?PhysicallyFollow your doctor’s advice. Listen to wise counsel.Take your vitamins (go on the advice of your doctor, but we took Vitamin C, Zinc and Vitamin D in the form of sitting in the sun)Wash your hands and practice good hygieneWe used Dottera oils in the form of rubbing them on the back of our neck and diffusing them in the room. I found relief by dropping a few drops of their product called Breathe on my chest while I was showering. We used Breathe, OnGuard, Peppermint & Oregano (a drop in water), orange and lemon. They brought physical and emotional comfort.We took a product called NAD and MCT oil to restore energy.Painkillers such as Panado and Disprin.I used products recommended by my doctor for sinus congestion and my coughWe walked around every few hours, lay on our stomach, took our heart-rate and measured our respiration rate at times.We found coffee also helped – yay for that!EmotionallyThe Doterra oils helped here tooWe spoke about what we were feeling (find someone to talk to)We took the pressure off ourselves and relaxed.I followed the advice of my doctor. There is so much conflicting advice out there. Dear friends, be careful who you listen to. Pick one or two people who are filled with wisdom and follow their counsel.MentallyI don’t know about you, but I felt really foggy mentally and so I watched loads of movies (especially those feel-good ones)I slept and restedWhen I was up to it, I read novels – no deep thinking for a week or so for me.I read Scripture and played soaking worship music.We gave ourselves space mentally, took all the pressure off.

Romans 8:38,39 reads, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Isn’t that a great comfort? When fear raises it’s ugly head, turn to God and allow His love to comfort you. 

On the back foot

Entering 2021 and feeling like we were on the back foot wasn’t ideal, but that’s life. I chose to adapt, and you can too. Things might not look how you wanted them to. Let’s face it, it doesn’t look at all how we had planned, but that’s ok.

Grieve your losses, embrace love and adapt. Start again…That’s how you build resilience. And so, every year, I pick one word to shape my year. Can you guess what it is, it is ‘adapt’. What is your one word? How have you managed to face 2020 and prepare for 2021?

Are you looking for a boost? A transformation out of fear and into courage & love?

To be honest, I haven’t even fully got going yet. I’m still in recovery and have had to course-correct on my plan for the year.

Because of this, I’d like to offer you a sweet deal. My new course, Courageous Living, is 50% off until the end of January. Take advantage of this offer and walk into 2021 with a fresh perspective. The course can be done at your own pace and in the comfort of your home.

Please comment and let me know what you have done to either overcome Covid-19, support someone who has had it or what you plan to do to thrive in 2021. I really want to hear from you.

 

 

 

 

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The post Don’t panic, you can conquer fear and Covid-19 appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Advent in an unprecedented season

“At this Christmas when Christ comes, will He find a warm heart? Mark the season of Advent by loving and serving the others with God’s own love and concern.”                  – Mother Teresa, Love: A Fruit Always in Season

Advent, in an unprecedented season, calls us forth into a time of longing, hope and promise. It’s a period of waiting and a journey of reflection. Never before, or at least in my lifetime, have we experienced so much uncertainty.

Will I be able to gather with my family and friends, or will I be in lockdown? Will the shops even be open? What’s going to happen next week? How am I going to prepare for 2021? So much uncertainty. The days certainly feel dark. At the risk of sounding too abstract, I do believe we can shine a light around us. We can yield to living with hope, we can love others (and ourselves) and we can pray.

In this unique season of Advent, let’s turn towards hoping for a new dawn. Turn our hearts towards those we love, and turn our hearts towards the Lord.

What is advent?

It simply means ‘Coming’ in Latin. This is the coming of Jesus into the world. The weeks are used to prepare and remember the real meaning of Christmas.  On the first four Sundays before Christmas, we remember Isaiah and prophets as they predict the first coming of Jesus, Mary, the mother of Jesus and the words of John the Baptist and Jesus.  You can help your children reflect on the meaning of ‘coming’ in a variety of ways.  Firstly, explain the prophecies about Jesus and how He came to earth.  Then, talk to them about Jesus now in our lives and what it means to follow Him.  Finally, speak of the second return of Jesus and what they can look forward to.

Let’s pause to reflect

Advent is indeed an invitation to reflect, to hope and to retreat for a while. It helps us focus our scattered senses and return to calm.  It is also a season for building family memories.  Make them special by cooking a delicious meal, lighting a candle and talking through the various promises.  Or, be a part of an Advent service in a local church or online. 

A few quotes and resources for you during this season

Download this FREE ADVENT CALENDAR OF KINDNESS, print it out and challenge one another to enjoy it. I’ve created it especially for you.

Secondly, my family and I enjoy the Lectio365 devotional app. You can also download it for free here.

And finally, read these quotes and passages to add to the remembering of Advent.

Don’t think that love, to be true, has to be extraordinary. What is necessary is to continue to love. How does a lamp burn, if it is not by the continuous feeding of little drops of oil? When there is no oil, there is no light and the bridegroom will say: “I do not know you”. Dear friends, what are our drops of oil in our lamps? They are the small things from every day life: the joy, the generosity, the little good things, the humility and the patience. A simple thought for someone else. Our way to be silent, to listen, to forgive, to speak and to act. That are the real drops of oil that make our lamps burn vividly our whole life. Don’t look for Jesus far away, He is not there. He is in you, take care of your lamp and you will see Him.”  Mother Teresa.

“God gives God. That is the gift God always ultimately gives. Because nothing is greater and we have no greater need, God gives God. God gives God, and we only need to slow long enough to unwrap the greatest Gift with our time: time in His Word, time in His presence, time at His feet.” – Ann Voskamp, The Greatest Gift

“But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir.” – Galatians 4:4-8

“The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.” – Psalm 29:11

May this season of Advent and preparing for 2021, be full of hope. 

 

The post Advent in an unprecedented season appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Fear & anxiety affecting the lives of those you love?

We’ve heard stories like this so many times before…You can tell something is off with your spouse, a family member, friend or child, but no matter what you do or say, they just won’t open up!

As your mind spins over what could be going on, your fears and worries begin to multiply.

Strange times, strange people

This year is by far the strangest year we’ve all experienced, and I think that things will continue to get stranger. What does that mean for us?

I’ve been thinking about fear so much this year. Not only because I have a keen interest in helping others overcome their fears. But also because I see how fear is wreaking havoc in the world over.

As I’ve experienced the effects of fear first hand and studied how it can hinder every man and woman alive, I’ve noticed a few things.

What does fear and anxiety do to us?

Firstly, fear is an emotional reaction to a situation we are in (or could be in). It occupies mental real-estate and from there, fear weaves its web to grip our minds and bodies in an ever-tightening vice.

Secondly, fear has a hidden agenda. It is to paralyze humanity into inaction, offence, bitterness and mental or physical illness. Through lies, fear seeks to dominate your thoughts, words and action.

What about the lies we believe?

But how can fear lie to us? Well, for starters, fear will tell us that we are going to be overtaken by the very thing we fear. If it is fear of contamination, then fear dictates your actions beyond reasonable wisdom. If it is fear of rejection, then fear would lie to and feed thoughts that you are not good enough, worthy enough, pretty enough, or smart enough. Fear of rejection sets us on a path of isolation from deep friendships and exploring new territories in life. If you were to fear the future, then all the negative news about your country, the economy and other topics will reinforce that anxiety.

Friends, remember that fear is not of God. We can read in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

If you haven’t been given a spirit of fear, then what can help you overcome the overwhelm and anxiety it creates.

We have the power to conquer fear

Power is defined as the ability or capacity to do something or act in a particular way. This though encapsulates the idea that you can overcome fear. Together with God, you have the power to defeat any form of fear in your life.

Fear is easy. Love is hard.

Fear is easy and love is hard. Don’t you find it so much easier to believe the negative, critical or fearful news. Love removes the masks that we wear. Love can heal a broken heart, a fearful heart, and love restores our soul.

Choose how you think.

We’ve also been given a sound mind. Isn’t that a lovely thought? Fear can keep you from living a joyful, resilient and purposeful life through analysis paralysis, lack of clarity and confusion. When we have a sound mind, we can think things through with wisdom and can make life-giving choices. To have a sound-mind mean that one can think freely, positively and able to reason. This type of thinking not only frees one from fear but leads towards life.

If you are wondering how to support those around you who are struggling, encourage them to talk. Fear and anxiety can rob us of our purpose, joy and lead to hopelessness. Ask open-ended questions and let them know that you love them. Don’t accept things as they are. Press in with grace, gentleness and a little boldness. Don’t give up. Your care and support might make the biggest difference in their life.

What’s next? Better days are coming.

In these strange times we find ourselves in, let us lean into love, strength and sound-thinking. If I can conquer fear, then you can too. Don’t let it take hold of your life. Deal with it right now and then prepare to enter the new year with purpose and increased capacity. 

Are you struggling in this area, please send me a message and let’s chat? I’ll also be launching an online course where you can go through various lessons in your own time on learning to live courageously with purpose and joy. I think this is what we need for a time such as this.

 

The post Fear & anxiety affecting the lives of those you love? appeared first on Mandi Hart.

How to get your matriculant safely through the exams

“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’! Audrey Hepburn

“We’re almost there.” That’s what I sometimes tell myself as I try to figure out how to help my matriculant daughter make it through to the end of her exams.

Recently, a mom said that her anxiety continually rises when she thinks of her children and trying to help them finish this year, Covid-free. The challenge is that we don’t know what we don’t know and cannot control so many factors. For instance, the children your teen interacts with and who they have been around. The preparation and changes in exam timetables or valedictory plans. Is it virtual or in-person? The list can go on. But there are things we can control.

A reality check

In an excerpt from a statement released by the Western Cape Department of Education, it read: “Recently, the WCDH was alerted to a cluster of infections in the Southern Suburbs of Cape Town, emanating from a social event at a night club not related to school, which has affected some of our learners. The contact tracing teams identified 63 cases linked to one venue. 37 of these cases are matric learners from public and independent schools. The schools are liaising with health officials and ensuring that the necessary protocols are followed, and that parents and learners at the school have been informed. 

For a Grade 12 learner, the implications of missing a National Senior Certificate (NSC) examination are enormous. Should a candidate test positive for COVID-19, they will not be allowed access into examination venues and will not be allowed to sit for an examination for a 10-day period or until confirmation is received from a medical practitioner. This means that the candidate will only be able to complete their NSC in June 2021 (if that examination does indeed take place – as you know, it was cancelled this year due to Covid-19 lockdown). Given that we are just weeks away from the NSC examinations – is any social event worth it?”

Why do I write about this? For starters, it has the potential to affect many families negatively. But the primary reason is to combat fear.

Fear robs us of our joy for today and our hope for tomorrow.

When we give in to fear and anxiety, our stress levels skyrocket and our ability to think logically and clearly go out of the window. Also, our immune system will become compromised when our stress levels keep rising.

What are you thinking about?

Parents, be aware of the script going on in your brain and train your children to do the same.

You need not believe everything you think. Did you know that our habits travel 200 times faster than normal thought processes? Therefore, during tough times the most robust habit will win. That is why one often goes to unhealthy habits when a crisis hits. Our behaviour starts in our mind and during these uncertain times, guard your thoughts. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and right, and pure, and lovely. This concept comes out of Philippians 4, right after the passage, where we are urged not to worry. 

What narrative loops around and around in your head? In helping your children make it through to finish the year well, your thoughts will often determine the peace quotient in your home and life. After all, a transformation begins in your mind and with your thoughts.

“Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes.” Paul, letter to the Romans. 

Ten ways to support our matriculants to get them safely through the exams.

By intentional parenting and making wise, life-giving decisions, we can reduce stress all around our home.

Apply wisdom and discernment. Decide (as a family) what your boundaries include and how your going out and coming in can affect everyone.
Take care to maintain sanitizing, physical & mental health. This means you would have to parent with compassion and care as you help your family navigate the exam season.
Keep on taking Vitamin C and B (for your and your child)
Look around you. Who needs a phone call, or an encouraging message.
Be aware of the news, but screen it carefully and don’t give into fear-mongering
Ask your child to let you know how you can better support them. A suggestion is to make a ‘study-box’ with treats to encourage them as they prepare for finals.
Ensure that you all sleep well.
Keep on exercising as that is an all-round feel-good stress buster
Maintain a sense of humour in your home
Breathe – and I mean it. Take some deep breaths.

What else would you add? I’d love to hear from you. Together, with prayer, love, support, kindness and wisdom, we can help our teens thrive and prepare them for life after school.

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List of blogs


How to get your matriculant safely through the exams


Healthy habits and how to develop them


Ditch mom-guilt today


A VUCA world and parenting, what a combo!


Intentional parents use these five techniques


How to fight compassion fatigue in the time of Covid-19


Five ways to stay the ’emotional tsunami’ from Covid-19.


Top 30 ways to keep fit, focused and fearless


Courage to dream again is possible.


Talking about racial injustice with your children


Going back to school? Six essential things to consider.


Lamenting, an invitation to honesty


Dear COVID 19, we are stronger than you think.


Powerful prayers to pray over your sons & daughters


Adapt to survive and thrive after setbacks


Duncan Stewart – a man after creativity


Lessons from riding the waves


Can you think beyond COVID-19?


Life’s journey is not just about the destination


What’s the big deal about Courage in the Fire?



Categories

FearLess

Guest Post

Parenting with Courage

The post How to get your matriculant safely through the exams appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Healthy habits and how to develop them

“If your habits don’t line up with your dream, then you need to either change your habits or change your dream.”  – John Maxwell

Habits shape our lives. The question I hear repeated all around me lately is, “How do we rebuilt post-pandemic?” I’ve been thinking about the world and heard it said that we’ve all gone through a collective trauma.

Now, this is familiar territory…

Trauma changes us

I know what trauma does to one’s brain. It changes the landscape of it. Trauma shapes the way we think, speak and act. The effects of trauma reach into our relationships, the way we work, and even our health.

This got me thinking about the rest of the year and even into 2021. How could I live in such a way that I embrace healthy habits and let go of negativity or patterns that were not so life-giving prior to lockdown?

Even though we’ve had about 6 months in lockdown and unconsciously (even involuntarily) developed new habits, we now have to embrace the world opening up.

Change is upon us once again.

For some, the very thought of it is daunting, even scary.

Fear and anxiety have fueled much of our actions this year. Fear of contamination, fear of loss, fear of the future and others I haven’t mentioned cause us to hide behind locked doors and closed windows.

Habits can grow and shape our lives for good.

The reason for my writing this post is to encourage you to continue with the healthy habits and routines, but to take care of your emotional health through these 5 ways.

Take stock of your life and your family. How are things going? Are you feeling stressed, overwhelmed, afraid or anxious?
Consider the sources feeding your emotional state? Are you reading too much news or listening to negative messages?
What is your physical health like? Are you taking time to exercise or rest? When stress and fear rise, our healthy rhythms are often the first ones to go out the door.
Who do you have around your table of advisors? I recently spoke on this topic in my parenting class. Together we compiled a list of people in our lives that are our allies, our cheerleaders, our advisors, counsellors, accountability partners and coaches. Where are the gaps and who can you ask to fill in the chairs?
Start small. Most habits fail because too often we pick a lofty goal, utterly unattainable. Start small. Could it be that your goal is to find an exercise partner and then decide on an activity together? What about using one less spoon of sugar or drinking one less cup of coffee?

Why don’t resolutions or new habits stick?

Simply put, most people don’t follow through on their decisions is often due to attempting to do too much too soon. This actually sets yourself up for failure.

What is “Quitter’s Day?”

Did you know that research conducted by Strava using over 800 million user-logged activities in 2019 predicts the day most people are likely to give up on their New Year’s Resolution is January 19?

Secondly, Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit, and an expert on behavioural psychology suggests that most people fail to adopt new habits because they do not understand the structure of habits.

In a post on Quora about habits, the writer explains the Structure of Habits.

He says that we can break all habits down into three basic components:

The Cue or Trigger: This is the part of the habit loop where you are triggered to take some sort of action through a cue in your internal or external environment.
The Action: Good or bad, this is the part of the habit loop where you actually take action on the habit you want to adopt or drop.
The Reward: This is the part of the habit loop where your brain receives a reward for taking the desired activity

Andrew Ferebee explains that most people fail to adequately reward themselves for taking action on a beneficial habit.

I couldn’t have said it better, so I’d like to quote the writer again:

“[Habits] need a little bit of help to get started.

For example, studies have shown that consuming a small amount of chocolate post-workout releases similar chemicals and neurotransmitters to those that will eventually be released by the workout itself.

Finding a motivating reward can be applied to any habit if you are creative enough:

Eat dark chocolate after your workout.
Buy a time based coffee maker that has a fresh cup brewed when you wake up.
Reward yourself with 15 minutes of gaming after an intense 90 minute work session.

If you are struggling to make a new habit stick, then you probably are not aware or consciouly applying the habit loop.”

Well, that’s it for me. I’m off to buy some chocolate and hit the road for a run.  Who is with me?

 
















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List of blogs


Healthy habits and how to develop them


Ditch mom-guilt today


A VUCA world and parenting, what a combo!


Intentional parents use these five techniques


How to fight compassion fatigue in the time of Covid-19


Five ways to stay the ’emotional tsunami’ from Covid-19.


Top 30 ways to keep fit, focused and fearless


Courage to dream again is possible.


Talking about racial injustice with your children


Going back to school? Six essential things to consider.


Lamenting, an invitation to honesty


Dear COVID 19, we are stronger than you think.


Powerful prayers to pray over your sons & daughters


Adapt to survive and thrive after setbacks


Duncan Stewart – a man after creativity


Lessons from riding the waves


Can you think beyond COVID-19?


Life’s journey is not just about the destination


What’s the big deal about Courage in the Fire?


Now is the time. What are you going to do?



Categories

FearLess

Guest Post

Parenting with Courage

The post Healthy habits and how to develop them appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Ditch mom-guilt today

When we ditch mom-guilt and remove unrealistic expectations off our lives, we can truly love and live fully. Your children will thank you for it in years to come (and so will your future-self)

Mom-guilt is a thing.

Whether you’re a mom or dad, you are prone to its effects.

Even if you’ve never heard of mom guilt or can’t escape its unrelenting grip, it’s something that pervades almost every family. Simply put, mom-guilt is that common feeling of not doing enough as a parent, not being available enough, or not doing things the way you think they should be done, or making decisions that may ‘mess’ your children in the long run.

I’ve had dozens of conversations with parents about this very topic. Their exact words are, “I don’t want to mess my kids up.” 

Whether the guilt originated from past experiences or personal insecurities or pressure from family, friends, schools or social media, know that the struggle is real. I hear it time and again. 

This blog post is here to help you step out of mom-guilt and into the joy of being a parent again.

Five pro-tips to ditch mom-guilt
ProTip #1

Don’t let anyone “should” on you.

I remember when my son was a newborn and struggled to breastfeed him. I had so much pressure from other moms about this issue that it brought me to tears (and a number of times at that). 

It starts with should – and often in our minds. We tell ourselves that we should be making cookies, or I should get my child into that school, or I should be living a different life.

Should breeds discontent, unrealistic pressure and sets us up for despair.

Years later, a wise (and older) mom told me these six beautiful words. “Don’t let anyone should on you, Mandi”. It was liberating, and I’ve taken it to heart. So, hear me say it to you today. “Don’t let anyone should on you.”

ProTip #2

Taking care of yourself is taking care of your children.

Don’t let mom-guilt hold you, hostage, from taking care of yourself. Just today, I chatted with a mom who expressed her heart’s desire with these words, ”I want to feel better about myself as a mom. I’m tired of feeling guilty about needing some ‘me-time.” 

We postpone hair appointments, exercise times or even taking it slow so that we can take care of our children. But, the tricky thing is that resentments begin to grow and that’s not a good thing.

ProTip #3

Laugh a little (or a lot)

Laughter lightens the load and is full of those feel-good endorphins. No matter what you’re facing, laugh at home and with your children. Get that gut-aching, belly laughter going. It’s so very good for you. 

I’ve heard it said that laughter is the cheapest form of therapy, and the most pleasant one too.

“Laugh my friend, for laughter ignites a fire within the pit of your belly and awakens your being.” Stella McCartney

ProTip #4

Different is sometimes just different.

A great life lesson is to accept that every family is unique and it’s that quirkiness that makes things what they are. What my family does that is different from another, isn’t necessarily wrong. It’s just different. So stop comparing and be comfortable with your own family culture.

One mom messaged me saying that she deleted all her social media accounts because she didn’t like the feeling of comparison it awoke within her. She said that seeing the ‘snapshot’s of other families’ lives, that all seemed hunky-dory, caused her more stress than joy.  Grow contentment for your own family and its ways – that in itself is great gift.

ProTip#5

Stop trying to live up to the impression of a ‘perfect’ mom.

Your children want you to be you. Not the ‘all-together’ mom, or the ‘gym’ mom, or the ‘working’ mom or the ‘Instagram’ perfect mom. They want you. You have what you need to love your children well. Get working on being you – and only you.

And if you need a final bit of encouragement to walking free from guilt, try this practical technique. I think it can help.

There are four steps to using the ‘Ditch the mom-guilt list’:

Write everything down that you feel guilty about. Be honest here because nothing is too big or too small. It’s your list after all.
Look at your list and ask: “Should I feel guilty about this?” Hopefully, you’ll find that the answer is often, “No, I shouldn’t!”
Finally, ask yourself, “what can I do to change it?” It might surprise you at the creative answers you come up with when getting things out on paper.
Take that first step to ditch the guilt.

Guilt and fear go hand-in-hand, so when you let go of the guilt, you will find fear will diminish too!  Go for it! 

I’d love to hear from you. Please let me know which one stands out to you, or if you have any other ways of letting go of mom-guilt. Let’s support one another.

PS. I’m accepting registrations for my next parenting course where we will explore how to walk in intentional parenting and freedom from guilt. 

 

Courage in the Fire is now available here.

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List of blogs


Ditch mom-guilt today


A VUCA world and parenting, what a combo!


Intentional parents use these five techniques


How to fight compassion fatigue in the time of Covid-19


Five ways to stay the ’emotional tsunami’ from Covid-19.


Top 30 ways to keep fit, focused and fearless


Courage to dream again is possible.


Talking about racial injustice with your children


Going back to school? Six essential things to consider.


Lamenting, an invitation to honesty


Dear COVID 19, we are stronger than you think.


Powerful prayers to pray over your sons & daughters


Adapt to survive and thrive after setbacks


Duncan Stewart – a man after creativity


Lessons from riding the waves


Can you think beyond COVID-19?


Life’s journey is not just about the destination


What’s the big deal about Courage in the Fire?


Now is the time. What are you going to do?


Love, connect and give: 3 ways to thrive



Categories

FearLess

Guest Post

Parenting with Courage

The post Ditch mom-guilt today appeared first on Mandi Hart.

A VUCA world and parenting, what a combo!

Parents, it’s wild out there. 

“What do you mean”, you say? I’m not sure how you feel, but to me, the world is shaking. It’s a VUCA world for sure.  A VUCA world stands for Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous environment. Doesn’t that describe how things are right now?

It’s hard to parent when the threats are real. And in a time of VUCA, we need a fresh mindset, a new skillset. Many are describing the times we are living in as an age of too much.

Too much pressure.

Too much uncertainty.

From uncertainty to clarity and understanding

I empower parents to raise world changers. It’s an intentional journey of personal transformation with parenting skills that keeps the connection with their children. And in the age of too much, I realized that I am passionate about encouraging women to take a step back, think about their lives and family, and choose an intentional, courageous living plan.  

However, the first way that we can do that is to discern the season that we are in. We need an understanding of the world out there and in our home. Just as the sons of Issachar had analyzed their times and had perceived correctly what those times were all about, we can do that too. The sons of Issachar knew what to do because they understood what was happening. (see 1 Chronicles 12:32)

Parents, we need to do the same.

What is VUCA World?
It’s Volatile

Firstly, it is volatile. This refers to the speed of change and turbulence. The more volatile things are, the faster things change. In parenting, it is no different. Everything around the way we view family and gender is different and changing regularly. 

From my latest book, Parenting World Changers, I wrote:

In an insightful article, Focus on the Family quoted Caitlin Ryan, a gay activist, clinical social worker and researcher at San Francisco State University who spoke of this shift in the cultural mindset: “I think the fluidity of gender is the next big wave in terms of adolescent development… Gender has become part of the defining way that youth organize themselves and rebel against adults.” In the confusion, a new generation is wanting to grow up ‘trans.’

It’s Uncertain

Secondly, it is full of uncertainty. Think about how confidently predict the future? The more uncertain things are, the harder to predict the future becomes. Who could’ve imagined 2020 would turn out as it did?

Let’s break it down to family life; how are you now viewing education? Everything feels uncertain in the educational sphere and its impact on our children. We must help them navigate going to school, staying home, online education or no education. It’s sometimes too much, and the mental fallout for our children is vast. 

I have a friend who works in the anxiety sphere with children. She reports that the anxiety and depression levels in children has grown tremendously and is putting a strain on many areas of society.

Then Complex

Third, it is a complex world. In the complexity theory, various factors have to take into account, and the relationships between them change. 

Again, in my book, Parenting World Changers, I wrote a chapter on Parenting within the Complexity Science. “So what does change do that makes us feel breathless or to search for an anchor: Change spins us upside down and often inside out. Witnessing and living with your children changing almost every day as they physically grow, emotionally mature, and intellectually develop their own thoughts sometimes makes us feel like we are in a vortex. The journey they are on in a short 18 years is undoubtedly an exciting one, albeit, a sometimes scary one for us.” 

And Ambiguous

Finally, in a VUCA world, ambiguity plays a significant role. It involves the lack of clarity on how to interpret something, where the information needed is incomplete. In the family space, nothing is clear anymore. How are you going to help your children adapt to the changing landscape of the world? How do you guide them through a minefield of challenges to success and flourish? It is possible, but I believe that it involves intentional parenting.

“Ambiguity is not, today, a lack of data, but a deluge of data.” ― Paul Gibbons, 

I’m running a free parenting webinar on this topic and would love you to join me. In it, I offer parents tips on how to overcome and thrive in a VUCA world, you can implement what you learn immediately. 

For now, consider these few pointers:

Breathe- and I mean that literally. Take a few deep breaths, make a cup of tea and reflect on life and the way you want to raise your children or live.

Create an intentional parenting plan with steps to overcome VUCA. 

A mom on my parenting course sent me this message the other day: “I am more aware of my identity as a parent, and we are spending more time together as a family. We are now intentional in switching off any devices during family time and pay attention to our children. They are looking forward to our time as a family, and they are sharing more stuff with us that we were not aware of.”

In a VUCA world, parents need extra grit & self-care. I believe this to be true. How are you taking care of yourself?  

 In the words of my friend, Tiffany, “Aren’t we always just becoming better versions of ourselves. If we let life and pain and trial and conflict mould us. If we strengthen ourselves in the Lord amid the junk, then we begin to live more holistically, in ways we didn’t know were possible. So, the lesson for today from the messy life of Tiffany: never stop rounding out your personhood. Keep on growing. The world will thank you when you actually begin changing it.”

PS. I’m running another such webinar on Raising World Changers in VUCA world. Best of all, it is for free. If you would like to attend, then sign up here.

 

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List of blogs


Ditch mom-guilt today


A VUCA world and parenting, what a combo!


Intentional parents use these five techniques


How to fight compassion fatigue in the time of Covid-19


Five ways to stay the ’emotional tsunami’ from Covid-19.


Top 30 ways to keep fit, focused and fearless


Courage to dream again is possible.


Talking about racial injustice with your children


Going back to school? Six essential things to consider.


Lamenting, an invitation to honesty


Dear COVID 19, we are stronger than you think.


Powerful prayers to pray over your sons & daughters


Adapt to survive and thrive after setbacks


Duncan Stewart – a man after creativity


Lessons from riding the waves


Can you think beyond COVID-19?


Life’s journey is not just about the destination


What’s the big deal about Courage in the Fire?


Now is the time. What are you going to do?


Love, connect and give: 3 ways to thrive



Categories

FearLess

Guest Post

Parenting with Courage

The post A VUCA world and parenting, what a combo! appeared first on Mandi Hart.

The number one reason fear holds us back

What do you think is the number one reason fear holds humanity back from living life to the full? A businessman remarked, “People don’t want to return to work. They are so afraid that they literally say they do not want to come into the office.” One mom wrote: “Most of my fears are completely irrational. I would say fear of flying is my biggest one, completely irrational, but disabling.”

People all over the world struggle with fears. “So, I have quite a few fears. It doesn’t take much for me to slide into morbid thoughts about my kids and husband. I think so many of us have fears that plague us daily or consume us.”

What do you notice in the press and conversations with family and friends? How often have you heard them say that they are tired, or afraid?

Good news is here

It is time for some good news. If you’ve ever struggled with fear, then hang in there. I learned that fear could not be trusted because its roots are in deception. These lies infiltrate our souls, leading to more anxiety, turmoil and panic. You can overcome fear.

Fear is activated through a real or perceived threat to our sense of wellbeing. It appears to be real to our minds, and thus our bodies respond accordingly. Some natural fears in us are there for our own good and self-preservation. It could be a warning in our minds of being wary of walking on a high ledge or running across a busy road without any consideration of the flowing traffic; that’s dangerous.

What’s the number one reason fear holds humanity captive?

The primary way fear holds humanity captive is through lies.

However, when it is exposed, we can act accordingly and with wisdom choose the path of peace, I believe that we can live in peace even when all around society is panicking. I often remind myself that should I find myself in a dangerous place, it is still possible to be at peace and not give in to fear. I can think full, clear thoughts. It is worthwhile to ask yourself from time to time: Do I believe fear’s lies?

Fear stops you from living, and by that, I mean really living. It inhibits you from risking, from laughing and giving yourself to something or someone. The ripple effect is that we isolate ourselves from one another — not because of COVID-19. But think about it. It’s a double-whammy should we need to quarantine ourselves. I urge you, don’t let fear grip your life and your relationships.

The effect of fear on your life is not good.

Fear can make you sick. Lack of sleep suppresses your immune system and your mind’s ability to function at its peak level. When we give in to the anxiety and fear, tossing and turning until the early hours of the morning leaves us feeling stressed and more anxious.

Fear revels in the shadows and behind masks. Uncover the lie in your life today and learn to walk free. COVID-19 might not disappear overnight, but you don’t have to let it affect your joy, your relationships and your sleep! You can still live with peace in your life.

What thoughts traverse the landscape of your mind?

Many positive and negative thoughts run through our minds daily. We tell ourselves different stories. We speak plenty of negative words through our self-talk. Even as you read this book, you are talking to yourself.

Don’t believe the lie that you can face this battle on your own. Feel your feelings! But remember that your emotions are untrustworthy. Truth is meant to lead us, not our emotions. Perhaps, we can all decide to listen to the facts, but not give in to fear-mongering.

If I may be so bold — what about reconsidering what you share on social media, talk around the table and watch on TV? Does it produce calm in your heart and emotions? Let peace be the thermometer in your life. In our home, we let peace govern our choices and how we navigate uncertain terrains. Do not let the news or behaviour of others rob you of your peace.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.”

Will you pursue love and peace in a time of fear and uncertainty? Join me in living courageously and banish the lie that fear can feed into your heart and mind. Let truth reign. You can live fearless and free!

Courage in the Fire is now available here.

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List of blogs


The number one reason fear holds us back


Intentional parents use these five techniques


How to fight compassion fatigue in the time of Covid-19


Five ways to stay the ’emotional tsunami’ from Covid-19.


Top 30 ways to keep fit, focused and fearless


Courage to dream again is possible.


Talking about racial injustice with your children


Going back to school? Six essential things to consider.


Lamenting, an invitation to honesty


Dear COVID 19, we are stronger than you think.


Powerful prayers to pray over your sons & daughters


Adapt to survive and thrive after setbacks


Duncan Stewart – a man after creativity


Lessons from riding the waves


Can you think beyond COVID-19?


Life’s journey is not just about the destination


What’s the big deal about Courage in the Fire?


Now is the time. What are you going to do?


Love, connect and give: 3 ways to thrive


Fear & anxiety fueled by Corona Virus news



Categories

FearLess

Guest Post

Parenting with Courage

The post The number one reason fear holds us back appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Intentional parents use these five techniques

Children must be taught how to think; not what to think. Parenting on purpose takes courage.

Parenting with intention is not an easy feat. It takes time, effort, and dare I even say, planning.  No-one is ever quite ready – every parent is caught off guard time and again. I think we have moments when we realize, “WOW, what am I doing” and then we take a deep breath and carry on. But I do love being a mom. I wouldn’t change it for anything in this world. 

The word intentional means ‘done on purpose or deliberate’. Parenting with intention is just that, raising children into adults in a purposeful manner. There is a purpose to your parenting, to making tough decisions, helping your children develop strength and character in a world that pulls at them every single day to choose an easier path.

Now, when I speak about parenting with intention, it comes with a caveat. I don’t mean that you structure your entire life around your children, or that it becomes your sole focus. Instead, I’d like to explore it from a ‘done on purpose’ perspective. Intentional parenting directs your attention to responding proactively to your children instead of reactively. It means considering the ages and stages your children are in and what you can do to love them well during that specific phase. It also means taking care of yourself so that you have enough capacity for all the family challenges that arise.

Here are five points to help you parent with intention:
Pray for your children

Firstly, pray for and with your children. Consider the promises the Lord has given you for your children. How can you pray that promise or Scripture over their lives? And when you pray for your children, pray the boldest, bravest prayers you can – don’t ask God for crutches for your children, ask Him for wings for them. “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Mark 11:24.

Pray for them regularly and pray WITH them. If you haven’t done this before, be bold and take the step to pray with your children. You can try it by praying for them at the start of the day. It doesn’t need to a lengthy prayer. Consider praying in the car on the way to school or a sport’s match or dance practice. Keep your eyes open as you pray. Pray for them before a big test or when they are nervous. Pray with them through all the phases of life. Cultivate a culture of praying with your children. 

Now more than ever, we need to be praying for our children; and not only them but the children of the world as they navigate schooling and life setbacks. They will have to grab hold of courage as they walk through a life marked in part by Covid-19.

Stages of development need to be considered

Secondly, what age is your child at right now? What do they need from you? Are you in a nurturing phase or a commander-in-chief stage? Do you need to ask more questions and let them experience inevitable consequences? You might need to adapt your parenting style as your children grow into young adults. Intentional parents take time to think about the most appropriate parenting style required and learn about it if need be.  

You can read more about it in my book, Parenting With Courage. There, I wrote, “Encourage your children in their diversity and uniqueness, build their strengths, respect their challenges, and treat them individually. When I became a parent, I was idealistic and very naïve. I often responded to my baby in ways I didn’t understand. As my children grew, I did, too. I noticed in families around me that often the mother and father had very different parenting styles, which frequently resulted in confusion, conflict and chaos.”

Seek allies and support

Thirdly, seek support and counsel if needed. We all need each other. The adage is as true today as it was years ago. It really does take a village to raise a child. It might look different today than years ago, but it’s still relevant. Have a look on my website for more blog posts and free resources. 

I help moms to gain self-confidence and parenting skills to strengthen their relationships and live more purpose-filled lives in a world at crisis by my 6-week parenting course and coaching.

Self-care is important too

Fourth, how can you take care of yourself and relationships around you? Your children model themselves off you, and when they see you investing in your own growth and life, and living in community, it will encourage them to do the same. I’ve chatted with many parents who don’t know what they enjoy anymore and are so drained that life is a burden. Take care of yourself; you are important too!

Keep hope alive in your heart

Finally, intentional parents live with hope. Hope is future-focused. What do you need to do to keep hope alive in your heart? Remember the promise in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

My encouragement to you is to live intentionally day by day and in doing so, raise adults who can indeed change the world. Parenting world changers is possible and is the greatest honor. 

Now for sale! Here on this website and on Focus on the Family Africa

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List of blogs

Intentional parents use these five techniques


How to fight compassion fatigue in the time of Covid-19


Five ways to stay the ’emotional tsunami’ from Covid-19.


Top 30 ways to keep fit, focused and fearless


Courage to dream again is possible.


Talking about racial injustice with your children


Going back to school? Six essential things to consider.


Lamenting, an invitation to honesty


Dear COVID 19, we are stronger than you think.


Powerful prayers to pray over your sons & daughters


Adapt to survive and thrive after setbacks


Duncan Stewart – a man after creativity


Lessons from riding the waves


Can you think beyond COVID-19?


Life’s journey is not just about the destination


What’s the big deal about Courage in the Fire?


Now is the time. What are you going to do?


Love, connect and give: 3 ways to thrive


Fear & anxiety fueled by Corona Virus news


Why did I write a book on fear?


Categories
FearLess

Guest Post

Parenting with Courage

The post Intentional parents use these five techniques appeared first on Mandi Hart.

How to fight compassion fatigue in the time of Covid-19

Compassion fatigue happens when your heart can’t take any more pain because of what you are seeing or experiencing from the world around you. It affects more people than you realize. It is when the broken state of the world and the sheer number of things requiring your compassion become too much, and you eventually reach a state of numbness, even apathy.

 
Caring too much?

How much can you handle? When it gets too much and you feel as if your heart cannot take it, then you might have compassion fatigue. 

It would be helpful here to point out we are called to be compassionate towards others, but if our tank is empty, it’s pretty hard.

Hearing negative news repeated over and over again – be it in the press, from our healthcare system, our children and schools – and the feelings of helplessness and heartache, leave us not knowing what to do or where to turn.

We are not God, who has infinite compassion. We are human, and with that comes so many limitations.

Years ago, we had several traumatic experiences ranging from an armed robbery, my dad battling cancer, my dog dying, and many of our friends going through incredibly tough times. While I was trying to overcome my own battles, we were leading a missions organization and helping people globally. Eventually, compassion fatigue set in, but I was fortunate to have been walking with a wise counselor who helped me process this appropriately.

We don’t have to stay in that place of compassion fatigue.

Let’s get into it, friends. Our road of navigating the Covid-19 pandemic is far from over. And we surely need to strengthen ourselves if we are to emerge out of it with our communities and families unscathed.

We are mandated to love, to live compassionately and to fight for justice. However, we cannot do that well if our tanks are empty. Compassion fatigue can take a physical, emotional, mental, spiritual toll on people who experience it.

 

A few symptoms of compassion fatigue

Chronic physical and emotional exhaustion
Your love tank feels empty
Loss of joy
Irritability and anger
Feelings of self-contempt
Difficulty sleeping or disrupted sleep
Headaches
Poor job satisfaction

But there is good news. We can prevent compassion fatigue. Here are a few ways to do just that.

How can we prevent compassion fatigue?
1 Self-awareness

Practice self-awareness and monitor what’s going on inside of you; take notice your life rhythms. How are you sleeping? Are you exercising? 

Whenever I feel overwhelmed, it is helpful to remember that I am not responsible for everyone, but rather to others. It helps me let go of things I am not meant to hold on to.

2 Self-care is essential

Be aware of what feeds your soul. If you feel more stressed because of the news, social media reports and conversations going on around you, consider setting some boundaries in place. Take time out to rest, journal, pray and speak to someone you trust. 

3. Listen more 

Practice active listening, and this doesn’t mean that I solve every problem, but instead, I can let it go and sit with the person in their pain. I listen more than I speak and wait for the invitation to give advice.

4. Fearing less and loving more

Fear can rob us of emotional and physical health. With compassion fatigue, fear will feed off your stress, anxiety and tension, but you don’t have to let it do that. Love looks like forgiveness, letting go, boundaries, prayer and empathy, and so much more.

Now that you have a handle on it, I’d like to share a few ways to treat compassion fatigue (and this is by no means complete).

Treating Compassion Fatigue is possible

There are many ways to treat it, but I would like to highlight a few. Some of these I’ve tried, and they really make a difference. Put on your lens of Covid-19 and where you are at right now.

Talking about your feelings with a trusted person and/or a mental health professional. Encourage your children to share how they feel as well. Create a safe space at home.
Learn more about compassion fatigue and how it affects people.
Develop a healthy diet and along with that make a commitment to regular exercise. Find an accountability buddy -it helps!
Sleep is crucial to resilience and healing. Ensure you get a restful night’s sleep.
Cultivate and develop hobbies different from work. It will help you relax and feed those happy hormones.

“Taking care of myself doesn’t mean, ‘me’ first. It means ‘me too’” LR Knost.

Follow me on Instagram or Facebook. Check out my books or some of my other free resources here . 

Who am I?

I’m passionate about inspiring people to live courageously. As a speaker, mentor and author, I work with families and women around the globe to help pursue their dreams and raise children with love and courage. As a mother of two, I long to see families restored and equipped. I serve locally in our communities and regularly speak on the radio on Courageous Living. Read more about my latest book here.

Images courtesy of Unsplash

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List of blogs

How to fight compassion fatigue in the time of Covid-19


Five ways to stay the ’emotional tsunami’ from Covid-19.


Top 30 ways to keep fit, focused and fearless


Courage to dream again is possible.


Talking about racial injustice with your children


Going back to school? Six essential things to consider.


Lamenting, an invitation to honesty


Dear COVID 19, we are stronger than you think.


Powerful prayers to pray over your sons & daughters


Adapt to survive and thrive after setbacks


Duncan Stewart – a man after creativity


Lessons from riding the waves


Can you think beyond COVID-19?


Life’s journey is not just about the destination


What’s the big deal about Courage in the Fire?


Now is the time. What are you going to do?


Love, connect and give: 3 ways to thrive


Fear & anxiety fueled by Corona Virus news


Why did I write a book on fear?


Food for living fearlessly


Categories
FearLess

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