Mandi Hart's Blog, page 6

Fresh wineskins for the new wine

“And who would pour fresh, new wine into an old wineskin? Eventually the wine will ferment and make the wineskin burst, losing everything—the wine will be spilled and the wineskin ruined. Instead, new wine is always poured into new wineskins.” Jesus in Mark 2:22-24

I live in South Africa’s best wine-growing and making region. Stellenbosch is home to the world’s best Chardonnay, and some pretty good Serah’s, Cabernet Savignon and many other fine wines. As I look out of my dining room window, I watch the vines growing at my neighbour’s vineyard. Fresh leaves at springtime, ripe grapes later that summer, harvest time and then pruning – a living metaphor permeates my world.

New wine for a new season

Did you know that Jesus’ first miracle was turning water into wine? And not just any wine, mind you, the very best! I sometimes wonder why that would be His first miracle? In my limited understanding, Jesus loves a good celebration, and a wedding feast is an exquisite reminder of love.

Love is the reason He came.

But, getting back to vines and grapes. We read further on in John about us abiding in the vine. We see that fruit, pruning and growth are all part of the process. We learn that when we abide; we are plugged into the source, and our lives bear fruit from that reality.

It’s all about connection, dependance and rest. Fruitfulness is not something we struggle to eke out. It should be a natural product of the right growing conditions, pruning, water and care. Therefore, if I look at the coming year with all the potential in it, I would do well to put away the ‘old wineskins’ and allow new wine to be poured into new wineskins.

Can you connect to the source?

How can you depend more on Jesus this year?

What does living from rest look like for you?

If you like to embrace life, wholly free from fear and live with intention and purpose then here are a few suggestions to stop and then start:

Stop enjoying the old wine. It’s time for a change. I know that it is sometimes more comfortable to remain in the past or what we know.

Secondly, stop looking back and longing for what was. It is time to accept where you are now and take it from here. We can’t keep looking back because if we do, we will miss the gift’s right in front of us. Did you know those old wineskins get stretched to the limit or sometimes become brittle as wine had fermented inside them; using them again, therefore, risked bursting them. We don’t want to be stretched to the limit, burn out or become brittle. It’s far better to be pliable, able to grow and be filled with new wine.

And finally, start being full here, right now. What small changes can you make today? How can you pursue meaningful relationships, joy, hope, peace and purpose?

Please join me on this journey of growth for 2020. Will you accept the invitation to let go of 2019 or the past decade? Prepare ‘fresh wineskins’ for the new wine and live with intention.

Search for:



Follow
.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 li,.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle ul li i.et_social_icon { background: #7a9d96; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rounded .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rectangle .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle .et_social_icons_container li:hover i.et_social_icon { background: #dcae1d !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_rounded.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count, .et_monarch .et_social_rectangle.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; }






















List of blogs

Fresh wineskins for the new wine


Practice courage and see your life thrive


Love-based vs fear-driven parenting shapes families


Grief changes us and so does love


Five things to remember when life feels too much


Anxiety and depression interrupted in four simple ways


Why parents matter


Curiosity quest leads to conquering fear


Parenting with expectations – helpful or not?


Expect the unexpected and learn to thrive


Five fearless habits that can change your life


Future-proof your children to thrive in life


Fearless women can change the world


Insight can produce sparkle in your life


Wisdom opens the door to fearless living


Fathers can change the world


What I learned about fear and trauma


Three ways to parent intentionally and care for yourself


Uncover the season you are in to live well


Make memories that can last a lifetime


Categories
FearLess

Parenting with Courage

The post Fresh wineskins for the new wine appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Practice courage and see your life thrive

It’s much easier to stay stuck, to continue feeling paralyzed by fear. You can choose to practice courage and learn the rhythms of healing and freedom.

Have you ever done something that frightens you? Well, that’s courage. What about drawing on strength in the face of pain or even grief? That’s courage too. Courage is bravery, a soul facing obstacles that would normally set them back, but choosing to move forward.

Courage is like dynamite. When lit, courage can propel you into spaces you would never usually have gone. I think that every generation needs a healthy dose of courage. We all face trials, hardships, let downs, disappointments and grief. It’s courage that enables you to continue walking forward, getting up in the morning and keeping going.

When you partner faith with courage, you can jettison fear into the distance and walk into freedom. 

Learn to practice courage when facing five different fears.
Fear of rejection or of not being accepted

The symptom of one who battles this fear is mask-wearing. One could act differently with different people. Much like a chameleon who can change its colour based on its environment, the root or driving factor of this person’s behaviour is actually a fear of rejection. Then, how would it look to practice courage in this situation? Learn to accept yourself – and love yourself. The first step towards acceptance might choose the courage to be yourself.  Even EE Cummings knew that, “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” 

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time,” wrote Maya Angelou, “and always one more time.”

The second fear is one of being abandoned.

Real losses such as trauma, emotional or physical abuse, neglect, and death of a loved one can all trigger a fear of being abandoned. In an article on Fear of abandonment, Carolyn Joyce writes, “Attachment research has further shown that it’s not just what happens to people in childhood that affects their adult relationships; it’s how much they make sense of and feel the full pain of what happened to them.”

The symptoms of someone struggling with this fear could be an engagement in unhealthy relationships, co-dependency or even behaviour that reinforces this fear.

A few ways to practice courage are to seek counselling, practice self-kindness and self-acceptance. Praying with someone through your pain is also a helpful step towards healing. 

Deuteronomy 31:6  “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” 

Psalm 27:1 “The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?”

Thirdly, fear of never being good enough.

I’ve had many people tell me that this is there number one fear. They fear not being enough. It keeps them up at night, directs their behaviour and decisions. Symptoms that could show you struggle with this fear are comparison, critical of self and others, over-performance, and striving beyond a healthy expression. Comparison is the thief of joy and lightness of spirit. Why compare yourself to another when no two people are alike. You are responsible for yourself, to be yourself, and that is enough.

“Peter must have thought, “Who am I compared to Mr Faithfulness (John)?” But Jesus clarified the issue. John was responsible for John. Peter was responsible for Peter. And each had only one command to heed: “Follow Me.” (John 21:20-22)” explained Swindoll Charles R.

If you were to practice courage, it could look like this: Define what is good enough for yourself. Write it down and read it (often). Accept yourself. Acceptance is a wonderfully releasing thing. I’ve discovered that when I accept the things I can’t control, then the door cracks open to joy. My encouragement to you is to come to terms with aspects of yourself as you are. And then to love yourself.

Finally, a fear of losing respect is something that many people battle.

One symptom showing that this fear is present is someone who builds walls around their hearts. Essentially, it is a fear of loss. This fear will keep you from moving forward because the walls you have built around yourself lock you in. It is possible to practice courage by choosing to allow others in, or even asking yourself, ‘What am I afraid of losing?’ Are you willing to open up even if you were to lose face? 

My hope for you over the coming season is that you will have the courage to face that which scares you. May you be brave and may the walls of fear come crashing down. On the other side is everything you’ve wanted: freedom, joy, satisfaction and love.

Do you have any ways that you practice courage daily? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Search for:



Follow
.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 li,.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle ul li i.et_social_icon { background: #7a9d96; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rounded .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rectangle .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle .et_social_icons_container li:hover i.et_social_icon { background: #dcae1d !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_rounded.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count, .et_monarch .et_social_rectangle.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; }






















List of blogs

Practice courage and see your life thrive


Love-based vs fear-driven parenting shapes families


Grief changes us and so does love


Five things to remember when life feels too much


Anxiety and depression interrupted in four simple ways


Why parents matter


Curiosity quest leads to conquering fear


Parenting with expectations – helpful or not?


Expect the unexpected and learn to thrive


Five fearless habits that can change your life


Future-proof your children to thrive in life


Fearless women can change the world


Insight can produce sparkle in your life


Wisdom opens the door to fearless living


Fathers can change the world


What I learned about fear and trauma


Three ways to parent intentionally and care for yourself


Uncover the season you are in to live well


Make memories that can last a lifetime


Grit can grow giant killers


Categories
FearLess

Parenting with Courage

The post Practice courage and see your life thrive appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Love-based vs fear-driven parenting shapes families

As J R Tolkien wrote, “A man that flies from his fear may find that he has only taken a shortcut to meet it.”

 

I want to talk to you about fear – the fear that drives thousands of parents out there. And I want to talk to you about love. The kind of love that propels your children into their destiny with confidence. We cannot avoid fear that knocks on our doors, but we can confront it and deal with it. 

When fear and love collide

Fear isolates, love embraces.

Fear speaks words of, “what if” whereas love responds with “even if”.

Have you thought how different your life could look if, in the collision between fear and love, that love won! It is possible. If the way you parented was directed by love and trust, how different would things be in your home?

Love and fear are not compatible, and if I were to choose, every single day, every waking moment, I would pick love. It sounds great, right? Honestly, it even feels good writing these words, but the reality is that sometimes I still battle with the effects of fear. 

Looking back, did I parent out of love or fear?

Occasionally, fear influenced the choices I made regarding my children. Still, there are many instances when I chose the way of love. But, remember, there are no perfect parents just as there are no ideal children.

Parenting is either fuelled by love or driven by fear. 

8 signs that your parenting style is possibly fear-driven.

1. You parent reactively. Instinctively, you react to situations, not giving much thought to your words or actions. 

2. Fear of man pushes you into being afraid that your children might rebel or embarrass you. To combat that, you might drive them to succeed and force them to take part in activities that you deem worthy. Or, you threaten them or shame them to not embarrass you.

3. Parenting fuelled by fear often carries the past into the presents. You find it hard to let go of grudges or forget your child’s mistakes or failures – and you remind them of it as well.

4. You are distrustful – of your children, of others, of the world. I don’t mean that we naively go on with life; Instead, there is an underlying distrust. What would happen if someone were to snatch your children? You dare not let them out of your sight, even in their late teens.

5. You are afraid that your children will fall behind and the motivation for signing them up for every activity is to prevent them from lagging. I’ve experienced the pressure from schools and the sporting world to sign young children up for extra-murals just so they can make the team. There is a delicate balance here, and only you as the mom or dad genuinely know your real motivation for signing them up.

6. Your parenting style is defensive. The underlying cause of this is that you might be afraid of people’s judgements of the way you parent, your children’s behaviour and results.

7. Afraid of being rejected by your children and others, perhaps you you parent permissively, give them too much freedom too early on. Fear of rejection drives behaviours that please others.

8. You feel helpless or out of control. Consequently, fear of not being able to control your life or that of your children leads to over-controlling, high authoritative parenting styles.

Contrast this love-based parenting

1. You are proactive in your parenting style.

2.  Love covers a multitude of sins and lives a lifestyle of forgiveness. Forgiveness is driven by a heart of love. There have been many times when I needed to ask my children for forgiveness when I spoke harshly.

3. Love combats fear, and therefore parents who lean into love are not afraid of life, and their children’s lives too. They trust the Lord with their children.

4. Love-based parenting creates a place of belonging for their children.

5. Discipline is a correction for future positive behaviour and not punishment for past mistakes. These parents discipline in love knowing that they are raising their children towards a purpose-filled life. 

6. Love-based parenting involves empathy, honour and kindness. These three words pack a mighty punch. Empathy remembers what it was like for us when we were a young, honour releases favour and build relationships. Kindness softens the harshness of life. These sow seeds of hope into our children’s love tanks.

7. Parents fuelled by love are aware of the consequences of their own words and actions and equally so, hold their children accountable to the consequences for the way they live. They create a space for their children to grow and learn so that when they leave home, their children are resilient.

8. Love-based parenting sits on the foundation of each parent, knowing how deeply loved they are, whose they are. Then, from this place, they can love their children through every age and stage appropriately. These parents are learners and humble.

For me, 1 John 4:18 resonates deeply in my soul, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.”

So, I leave you with this final thought: Do you parent out of love or fear? Is there anything you can adjust in your parenting style? A fear-driven life can give way to love and trust. I’m an imperfect mom, a recovering fearful one at that and I choose love. Are you with me on this journey?

Search for:



Follow
.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1 li,.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1.et_social_circle ul li i.et_social_icon { background: #7a9d96; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1.et_social_rounded .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1.et_social_rectangle .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1.et_social_circle .et_social_icons_container li:hover i.et_social_icon { background: #dcae1d !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1 .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1 .et_social_networks .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1 .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1 .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1 .et_social_networks .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_1 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_rounded.et_social_shortcode_1 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count, .et_monarch .et_social_rectangle.et_social_shortcode_1 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; }






















List of blogs

Practice courage and see your life thrive


Love-based vs fear-driven parenting shapes families


Grief changes us and so does love


Five things to remember when life feels too much


Anxiety and depression interrupted in four simple ways


Why parents matter


Curiosity quest leads to conquering fear


Parenting with expectations – helpful or not?


Expect the unexpected and learn to thrive


Five fearless habits that can change your life


Future-proof your children to thrive in life


Fearless women can change the world


Insight can produce sparkle in your life


Wisdom opens the door to fearless living


Fathers can change the world


What I learned about fear and trauma


Three ways to parent intentionally and care for yourself


Uncover the season you are in to live well


Make memories that can last a lifetime


Grit can grow giant killers


Categories
FearLess

Parenting with Courage

The post Love-based vs fear-driven parenting shapes families appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Archives

As J R Tolkien wrote, “A man that flies from his fear may find that he has only taken a shortcut to meet it.”

 

I want to talk to you about fear – the fear that drives thousands of parents out there. And I want to talk to you about love. The kind of love that propels your children into their destiny with confidence. We cannot avoid fear that knocks on our doors, but we can confront it and deal with it. 

When fear and love collide

Fear isolates, love embraces.

Fear speaks words of, “what if” whereas love responds with “even if”.

Have you thought how different your life could look if, in the collision between fear and love, that love won! It is possible. If the way you parented was directed by love and trust, how different would things be in your home?

Love and fear are not compatible, and if I were to choose, every single day, every waking moment, I would pick love. It sounds great, right? Honestly, it even feels good writing these words, but the reality is that sometimes I still battle with the effects of fear. 

Looking back, did I parent out of love or fear?

Occasionally, fear influenced the choices I made regarding my children. Still, there are many instances when I chose the way of love. But, remember, there are no perfect parents just as there are no ideal children.

Parenting is either fuelled by love or driven by fear. 

8 signs that your parenting style is possibly fear-driven.

1. You parent reactively. Instinctively, you react to situations, not giving much thought to your words or actions. 

2. Fear of man pushes you into being afraid that your children might rebel or embarrass you. To combat that, you might drive them to succeed and force them to take part in activities that you deem worthy. Or, you threaten them or shame them to not embarrass you.

3. Parenting fuelled by fear often carries the past into the presents. You find it hard to let go of grudges or forget your child’s mistakes or failures – and you remind them of it as well.

4. You are distrustful – of your children, of others, of the world. I don’t mean that we naively go on with life; Instead, there is an underlying distrust. What would happen if someone were to snatch your children? You dare not let them out of your sight, even in their late teens.

5. You are afraid that your children will fall behind and the motivation for signing them up for every activity is to prevent them from lagging. I’ve experienced the pressure from schools and the sporting world to sign young children up for extra-murals just so they can make the team. There is a delicate balance here, and only you as the mom or dad genuinely know your real motivation for signing them up.

6. Your parenting style is defensive. The underlying cause of this is that you might be afraid of people’s judgements of the way you parent, your children’s behaviour and results.

7. Afraid of being rejected by your children and others, perhaps you you parent permissively, give them too much freedom too early on. Fear of rejection drives behaviours that please others.

8. You feel helpless or out of control. Consequently, fear of not being able to control your life or that of your children leads to over-controlling, high authoritative parenting styles.

Contrast this love-based parenting

1. You are proactive in your parenting style.

2.  Love covers a multitude of sins and lives a lifestyle of forgiveness. Forgiveness is driven by a heart of love. There have been many times when I needed to ask my children for forgiveness when I spoke harshly.

3. Love combats fear, and therefore parents who lean into love are not afraid of life, and their children’s lives too. They trust the Lord with their children.

4. Love-based parenting creates a place of belonging for their children.

5. Discipline is a correction for future positive behaviour and not punishment for past mistakes. These parents discipline in love knowing that they are raising their children towards a purpose-filled life. 

6. Love-based parenting involves empathy, honour and kindness. These three words pack a mighty punch. Empathy remembers what it was like for us when we were a young, honour releases favour and build relationships. Kindness softens the harshness of life. These sow seeds of hope into our children’s love tanks.

7. Parents fuelled by love are aware of the consequences of their own words and actions and equally so, hold their children accountable to the consequences for the way they live. They create a space for their children to grow and learn so that when they leave home, their children are resilient.

8. Love-based parenting sits on the foundation of each parent, knowing how deeply loved they are, whose they are. Then, from this place, they can love their children through every age and stage appropriately. These parents are learners and humble.

For me, 1 John 4:18 resonates deeply in my soul, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.”

So, I leave you with this final thought: Do you parent out of love or fear? Is there anything you can adjust in your parenting style? A fear-driven life can give way to love and trust. I’m an imperfect mom, a recovering fearful one at that and I choose love. Are you with me on this journey?

Search for:



Follow
.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 li,.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle ul li i.et_social_icon { background: #7a9d96; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rounded .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rectangle .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle .et_social_icons_container li:hover i.et_social_icon { background: #dcae1d !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_rounded.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count, .et_monarch .et_social_rectangle.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; }

List of blogs

Love-based vs fear-driven parenting shapes our family


Grief changes us and so does love


Five things to remember when life feels too much


Anxiety and depression interrupted in four simple ways


Why parents matter


Curiosity quest leads to conquering fear


Parenting with expectations – helpful or not?


Expect the unexpected and learn to thrive


Five fearless habits that can change your life


Future-proof your children to thrive in life


Fearless women can change the world


Insight can produce sparkle in your life


Wisdom opens the door to fearless living


Fathers can change the world


What I learned about fear and trauma


Three ways to parent intentionally and care for yourself


Uncover the season you are in to live well


Make memories that can last a lifetime


Grit can grow giant killers


Think right, live right


Categories
FearLess

Parenting with Courage

The post Love-based vs fear-driven parenting shapes our family appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Archives

Grief is part of life. There are no two ways about it ; we cannot escape loss or pain. However, how we process those moments and seasons of grief, shape our lives for days to come. 

Walter Anderson wrote, “Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.”

Loss leaves a lasting imprint

When you lose someone you love or go through times of loss, the pain of those moments can sink one into the depths of despair. The struggle is real! But, I do know that the most beautiful people I’ve are those who have known suffering, loss and pain. Yet, they found their way out of the depths. 

 Life is precious. Sometimes the fight to thrive means getting up in the mornings, showing up at work and not giving up. I guess we are all fighting a battle of sorts. If we are not fighting one right now, my thinking is that you’ve been through the fire before.

You are enough

 

You are worthy of life.

 

Every single human being is filled with purpose.

 
Balega Impis run with purpose

Do you know for what purpose you exist? Are you aware that your unique gift mix is just what we need right now on earth in this time of history?

I’m part of a team called the Balega Impis. Balega is a range of running socks, but not just any socks, they are socks with meaning and purpose. In this team, we have a wide variety of runners – some elite and run like the wind, and others are men and women who love the outdoors. Together we are the Impi’s which is another word for ‘warrior’.

Wesley out on the trails

Recently, one of the Balega Impi’s was tragically, taken from us all. Wesley Sweetnam was a man that lived life to the full. He loved trail running, always had a ready smile – and he loved animals. His company, Doggie Style, used to groom my Scotties and kennel my Labrador when we were away on holidays, and so I knew Wes before Balega.

His passing, stirred a myriad of thoughts and emotions in not only in my heart but in countless others – and the tears flowed.

 
Grief is a strange thing.

Grieving is a strange thing. I remember learning that when my Dad died from cancer two years ago. Sometimes you feel like everything is ok, and then there are moments when grief closes in, and you can hardly breathe. I think that we were meant to grieve in silence and solitude, in community and in the arms of those we love, with loud wails and heart-wrenching cries. We grieve not only for the ones we love but for the gap they left behind. Your love is grief worthy.

Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness; they are a sign of great love.

It’s vital to learn to navigate these uncomfortable emotions. We cannot avoid grieving or even the heartache, but we can process it well, give ourselves and others space, time and understanding.

 

“The darker the night, the brighter the stars, 
The deeper the grief, the closer is God!” 
― Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

 

For those who are facing loss, hardship and suffering, here are a few pointers on how to deal with the grieving process. While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief and live a fearless, full-colour life. It takes time, but it can be done.

Six ways to process grief:

Acknowledge your pain.
Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
Seek face-to-face support from people who care about you.
Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
Recognise the difference between grief and depression.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” –Washington Irving

Don’t be afraid to grieve for in grieving well; healing can come. 

Don’t be afraid of change. In the struggles, strength can emerge.

Hilary Stanton Zunin wrote, “The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief – But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.”

Don’t be afraid to love. After all, that’s what life is about.

I’d love to hear from you and learn how you process grief and loss. Please share in your comments below. May your heart be encouraged and strengthened on your journey through all of life’s seasons.

Search for:



Follow
.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 li,.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle ul li i.et_social_icon { background: #7a9d96; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rounded .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rectangle .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle .et_social_icons_container li:hover i.et_social_icon { background: #dcae1d !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_rounded.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count, .et_monarch .et_social_rectangle.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; }

List of blogs

Grief changes us and so does love


Five things to remember when life feels too much


Anxiety and depression interrupted in four simple ways


Why parents matter


Curiosity quest leads to conquering fear


Parenting with expectations – helpful or not?


Expect the unexpected and learn to thrive


Five fearless habits that can change your life


Future-proof your children to thrive in life


Fearless women can change the world


Insight can produce sparkle in your life


Wisdom opens the door to fearless living


Fathers can change the world


What I learned about fear and trauma


Three ways to parent intentionally and care for yourself


Uncover the season you are in to live well


Make memories that can last a lifetime


Grit can grow giant killers


Think right, live right


Why your life matters


Categories
FearLess

Parenting with Courage

The post Grief changes us and so does love appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Archives

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed?

How do you react to life’s stresses?

Life can be overwhelming

I recently tackled project managing our home renovation. Good idea in the beginning, not so good as the weeks went by. Simultaneously, I began planning the launch of my next book. If you thought I was crazy, you’re probably right. Not surprisingly, I discovered that I was trying to do too much at the same time. Can you relate?  I felt a little overwhelmed; actually that’s a euphemism-I felt horribly overwhelmed! And my joy started to wobble.

“Promise me you will not spend so much time treading water and trying to keep your head above the waves that you forget, truly forget, how much you have always loved to swim.” Tyler Knott Gregson

Fear and trauma try to remind you that you can’t cope.

Just because fear and torment are knocking at the door, doesn’t mean that I have to open it and allow them full access. However, in an unguarded moment I started experiences the trauma-induced physiological reactions again. For example, a racing heart, irrational thoughts and tearfulness. 

Fear and trauma both come from the father of lies. Fear is one of the strong-arm tactics that he uses to make us believe that we are weak, overwhelmed, and unable to rise above the stress levels. Only when I chose to protect what I thought about, listened to the loving words of my husband and spend time in prayer was I able to get a grip on things.

Fear might always be around the door waiting, looking for a moment of weakness, but that’s okay I am human, but I’m also a daughter of the most high God. And when I am weak, He is strong through me. And when I am emotional, he speaks truth to my fragile heart. And when I feel like I can’t go on, he comforts me. Father God is there to wrap his arms around me and lead me into and back to peace.

“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2

What have I learnt after two weeks of too much:

One: Things are not always as they seem.

Two: I am stronger than I think I am

Three: Remember to breathe.

Four: Fix my thoughts on things that are good, pure and excellent.

Five: And finally remember that this too shall pass.

If you’re in the same boat as me, then when you feel as if you are sinking, then take those five points to heart. They really do make a difference.

Remember these five things:
One: Things are not always as they seem.

Find someone who can be a reality checker or thermometer in your life. Take a step back and seek perspective.If you schedule is what is causing you to become overwhelmed and your soul begins to ache, then take a look at what you are doing. Do you need a moment to rest?

Two: I am stronger than I think I am

After overcoming fear, I felt strength enter my bones, my soul and spirit. When I feel like I am being crushed, that is the exact moment when I need to stand up again and speak to the giants. You are stronger than you think. You can rejoice in trials and be victorious.

Three: Remember to breathe.

Breathing is a life-giving, necesssary function. Deep  also helps settle your heart and calms your racing thoughts. Breathe in peace and breathe out stress.

Four: Fix my thoughts on things that are good, pure and excellent.

“I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had absolutely no other place to go.” Abraham Lincoln

During times where I feel overwhelmed, I am careful to listen to music that strengthens me, that calms and that lead my thoughts onto the right path. Praise and worship draw me near to God, I enter His presence and there I am changed. Remember not only who you are, but whose you are.

Five: And finally remember that this too shall pass.

You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.”—Timber Hawkeye

Fear and torment may try to knock on the door of your heart and mind. Don’t let them in. Let love fill your heart and mind and combat those two enemies of your soul. You are not a slave to fear. You are not a slave to torment. Take a moment, smile and know that you are infinitely loved and that in love’s arms you are safe – and found!

Search for:



Follow
.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 li,.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle ul li i.et_social_icon { background: #7a9d96; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rounded .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rectangle .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle .et_social_icons_container li:hover i.et_social_icon { background: #dcae1d !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_rounded.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count, .et_monarch .et_social_rectangle.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; }

List of blogs

Five things to remember when life feels too much


Anxiety and depression interrupted in four simple ways


Why parents matter


Curiosity quest leads to conquering fear


Parenting with expectations – helpful or not?


Expect the unexpected and learn to thrive


Five fearless habits that can change your life


Future-proof your children to thrive in life


Fearless women can change the world


Insight can produce sparkle in your life


Wisdom opens the door to fearless living


Fathers can change the world


What I learned about fear and trauma


Three ways to parent intentionally and care for yourself


Uncover the season you are in to live well


Make memories that can last a lifetime


Grit can grow giant killers


Think right, live right


Why your life matters


Children heal one’s soul


Categories
FearLess

Parenting with Courage

The post Five things to remember when life feels too much appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Archives

Your greatest storm and hardship is where God can do the greatest miracle in your life. Hang in there because it won’t last, transformation is about to happen – Mandi Hart

Anxiety, fear, depression, and trauma are all loaded words with the tendency to evoke butterflies in one’s stomach or sadness in your heart. In this post, I share on four simple ways to interrupt its effects in your life.

The World Health Organisation (WHO) recently released statistics that ever 40 seconds, someone loses their life to suicide. To create awareness, the WHO created a 40-second challenge whereby they encourage everyone to take 40 seconds to listen to someone’s story, to check in with a friend and to have a conversation with another person. We have to reach out to others intentionally.

Fear feeds anxiety and depression.

These lies fed into our minds and settle in our hearts can lock us in a virtual cage. When feelings of anxiety, fear or depression arise, they are silently guarded by lies. These lies direct your thoughts and emotions into the great cover-up. Basically, pretend that everything is okay, at all costs. Don’t let on that you are not really okay. The lie that fear breeds is that you cannot share what you are really feeling or thinking, so keep quiet. Keep the mask in place, because if you had to let others see your pain or sadness, they might think that you are weak. What a lot of hogwash!

Seeking help is a sign of great courage. Asking for support and speaking out is a brave thing to do. If you battle with anxiety, fear or depression, then take 40 seconds right now to speak out or reach out.

Seeking help is a sign of great courage. Asking for support and speaking out is a brave thing to do. If you battle with anxiety, fear or depression, then take 40 seconds right now to speak out or reach out.
Click To Tweet

I’m high-fiving you as you do and championing your choice.

Here are four ways to lift your gaze and keep hope alive.

 Firstly, make practising gratitude a habit.

We base thoughts either in fear or in love, but not at the same time. This means that our thinking shapes the landscape of our hearts and bodies. Fear leads to a myriad of emotions and physical symptoms such as 

Secondly, ask someone to be your reality thermometer.

We can’t always trust what we think or feel about a situation or person. It times like these, find a family member or friend who can be that ‘reality thermometer’ for you. For a while, Neil would do that for me. After the armed robbery, I struggled with nightmares and trying to figure out what was a dream or what was real. Repeatedly, he spoke gentle words of comfort, reassurance and reality to me, even at 3am!

Third, find a safe person to speak to about your struggles.

Who can you trust? We all need to share our burdens, and a safe person is just such a place. It could be a counsellor, a psychologist, a friend or family member. But, whatever you do, don’t hold your sadness, anxiety or pain inside. 

Finally, use your voice and breathe.

Speak Scriptures out loud. Just hearing your voice saying words calms one down. The other way is to learn to breathe correctly. Breathing can help settle your anxious feelings, your racing heart. In my book, Courage in the Fire, I explain breathing techniques. This book is due for release January 2020 so look out for it.

Words can help lift anxiety.

Words are powerful, therefore, consider these quotes. It will take 40 seconds to read them (I timed it) and see which one stands out to you:

 

“It’s okay to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.“ – Mandy Hale

 

 “I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.“  – Steve Maraboli

 

“Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest taken between two deep breaths.“  – Etty Hillesum

 

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened. “  – Winston Churchill

 

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.“  – Maya Angelou

 

“The elimination diet: Remove anger, regret, resentment, guilt, blame, and worry. Then watch your health, and life, improve.“ – Charles F. Glassman

 

“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” – Winnie The Pooh

 

Let me know which quote you like or even better share your favourite one in the comments below. By the way, if you want to reach out to someone, you can always email me, and I will listen.

 

Search for:



Follow
.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 li,.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle ul li i.et_social_icon { background: #7a9d96; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rounded .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rectangle .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle .et_social_icons_container li:hover i.et_social_icon { background: #dcae1d !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_rounded.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count, .et_monarch .et_social_rectangle.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; }

List of blogs

Anxiety and depression interrupted in four simple ways


Why parents matter


Curiosity quest leads to conquering fear


Parenting with expectations – helpful or not?


Expect the unexpected and learn to thrive


Five fearless habits that can change your life


Future-proof your children to thrive in life


Fearless women can change the world


Insight can produce sparkle in your life


Wisdom opens the door to fearless living


Fathers can change the world


What I learned about fear and trauma


Three ways to parent intentionally and care for yourself


Uncover the season you are in to live well


Make memories that can last a lifetime


Grit can grow giant killers


Think right, live right


Why your life matters


Children heal one’s soul


Whose report will you believe?


Categories
FearLess

Parenting with Courage

The post Anxiety and depression interrupted in four simple ways appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Guest post by Chantelle Blokdyk , author of Parents in Pursuit of Purity

Sixty years ago, parents (for the most part) had the challenge to keep children physically safe. The televisions, newspapers, magazines, phones and even the early computers were limited in who you could contact and even when you could contact them. Never mind that public content was accountable to a high standard of morality. Most mothers also had the privilege to be at home with their small children. They had ample time to teach them the values, skills and the respect that they needed to cultivate healthy and safe social boundaries. 

Today everything has changed. Child protection has changed. 

“Things have changed so radically, and this is sad, but it would be even sadder if we were to continue as though nothing has changed.” (excerpt from ‘Parents in pursuit of purity’) 

As we enjoy the benefits of better technology, there will always be those who will use the same technology for their own selfish, and often evil, intentions and actions.

Through the internet, children have access to every kind of image, sound and ideology that exists. The love of money has pushed an entire generation to uplift material possessions before spiritual, sexual and social health. The responsibility that parents have to protect their children has increased as threats have increased. There is now a desperate need to physically, sexually and mentally protect children. We find ourselves in the middle of a social and sexual revolution, and the threats seem to be mounting up. 

What can parents do? 

We need to talk. 

We need to talk to our children the God who created sexual intimacy and why He created it. We need to promote biblical sexuality – which highly values intimacy, identity and the human body. By no means should we, as Christians, be deceived – secular sexuality and biblical sexuality very different. The one is in pursuit of pleasure and self, while the other is in pursuit of purity and a Holy God. I pray the Body of Christ acknowledges this and starts to declare truth into this area. 

I am reminded of Billy Graham’s words: “They are talking about it (sex) in homes, in schools, in magazines, in the news… so why do we not talk about it from the pulpit?“

I have had the privilege to research sexology and the root causes of sexual exploitation, abuse and addiction – but my greatest privilege has been to study the topic of sexuality and sexual intimacy in the Word of God! 

Pornography puts us all at risk.

Pornography not only puts men, women and children at risk of being violated in their innermost being – it also directly opposes the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Let me explain; we were created to worship God, our heavenly Father. Pornography pulls that focus away and seduces humankind to worship humankind, leading to idolatry. This is very serious. 

God knows that to change a person’s behavior, it starts with changing the mind first. The enemy also knows this, and he is using pornography to drive an entire generation to lose themselves in the pursuit of pleasure. 

Romans 12:2 (ESV) reminds us: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” 

“Along this journey, it has become very clear to me that God is after our hearts – before anything else. When our hearts are changed, our lives are changed. He is the only perfect Father, and He has given us guidelines to live by. The original design of God is this: that one man and one woman come together in a covenant agreement called marriage. Anything outside of these physical and spiritual boundaries, which God clearly denies in the Bible and Creation, is not part of His original design. We were created to live for Him, not to please ourselves. We were designed to worship Him, not each other.” –   (excerpt from ‘Parents in pursuit of purity’) 

The only hope our children have is in Jesus Christ. He is the way, the truth and the life. Our role, as parents, is to cultivate Jesus in our homes – the first way we can do this is by being honest. Be honest enough to prepare and protect your children. Then pray, with all your heart, that they will follow Jesus completely, absolutely and always. 

For more information, have a look at her website by clicking here.

Search for:



Follow
.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 li,.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle ul li i.et_social_icon { background: #7a9d96; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rounded .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rectangle .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle .et_social_icons_container li:hover i.et_social_icon { background: #dcae1d !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_rounded.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count, .et_monarch .et_social_rectangle.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; }

List of blogs

Why parents matter


Curiosity quest leads to conquering fear


Parenting with expectations – helpful or not?


Expect the unexpected and learn to thrive


Five fearless habits that can change your life


Future-proof your children to thrive in life


Fearless women can change the world


Insight can produce sparkle in your life


Wisdom opens the door to fearless living


Fathers can change the world


What I learned about fear and trauma


Three ways to parent intentionally and care for yourself


Uncover the season you are in to live well


Make memories that can last a lifetime


Grit can grow giant killers


Think right, live right


Why your life matters


Children heal one’s soul


Whose report will you believe?


Lessons from a teacher called Adversity


Categories
FearLess

Parenting with Courage

The post Why parents matter appeared first on Mandi Hart.

I’m on a quest to live fearlessly while I’m on earth. As a result, I have to enter a journey of curiosity and liminal spaces. ​Would you like to know more? Well, carry on reading…

Curiosity is an interesting word that fascinates me because I think that curiosity about life will lead you along interesting pathways.

What’s the desire of your heart?

Intrigued by this thought, I discovered a James Stephens quote that read, “”Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.”” When we battle against fear, the tendency is to give in to its stranglehold. Why is that? I think that it is much easier yielding to fear’s attack than it is fighting that battle.

Therefore, curiosity involves a strong desire to defeat fear’s hold. Firstly, it is the key that turns the lock and opens up new vistas. Secondly, curiosity is the desire to know more, to discover new things and to change. Are you interested in knowing more about life? Do you have unasked or even unanswered questions? Or do you perhaps have a deep yearning within your soul crying, ”surely there is more than this?”

The quest of curiosity.

Curious people are learners. They ask questions, then they seek the answers, and they keep on looking around the corner for things to open up. I’ve heard it said that everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. Think about it for a minute, will you? Imagine with me what a fear-driven life looks like. Perhaps your struggle is that you are afraid of rejection or fear of failure. What would a fearless life look like?

Using what I call “the quest of curiosity,”, you can uncover a strategy to conquer fear. The “”quest of curiosity” is a series of questions that lead you into the next steps on your path of walking into a fearless life. These questions open up things in your heart and mind.

What am I afraid of?
What could my life look like if I was to walk free from this fear?
How can I conquer it? 
Who do I need to talk to help me on this journey?

We can learn from our pets

My Scotties are curious, and they are funny. For example, the way they run around sniffing every tree and looking for squirrels to chase. At the moment, we are busy renovating a property. Interestingly, every time I bring them to explore the land; they run around until their little tongues are just about hanging on the floor. 

I think that we need to become almost relentlessly curious. Curious about life again, how deep and meaningful relationships can touch our lives. Finally, curious about how we can break any of fear’s chains holding us back.

Desire to change leads us into liminal spaces

Fear can breed indifference, absence of feeling or lack of desire. It can lead to hopelessness or even a sense of being stuck – and ‘that’s not a helpful feeling or positive space to live in. However, the curiosity is a gateway to something else. When you open that door, something happens. And you enter a liminal space.

The word liminal comes from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold – any point or place of entering or beginning, hence the need for curiosity in the journey of conquering any fear. A liminal space is the time between the ”what was” and the ”next.” It’s uncomfortable. This transitional place is where we wait and also where we don’t always know what’s next, a kind of not knowing.

Curiosity and liminal spaces lead to transformation

A liminal space is where all transformation takes place, but only if we learn to wait and let it form us. In the quest of curiosity, we allow the waiting and the not knowing to lead us towards healing and change. I imagine that if I remained locked in by fear, my life would be a shadow of what it is now or even will become one day. Locked in by fear leads me towards hopelessness, not a life that’s transformed.

“Where we are betwixt and between the familiar and the completely unknown. There alone is our old world left behind, while we are not yet sure of the new existence. That’s a good space where genuine newness can begin. Get there often and stay as long as you can by whatever means possible… This is the sacred space where the old world is able to fall apart, and a bigger world is revealed. If we don’t encounter liminal space in our lives, we start idealizing normalcy. The threshold is God’s waiting room.” – Author and theologian Richard Rohr

This is my invitation to you today.
Will you join me on the quest for curiosity and enter the threshold to a liminal space? There we can transform and conquer fear.













Search for:



Follow
.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 li,.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle ul li i.et_social_icon { background: #7a9d96; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rounded .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rectangle .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle .et_social_icons_container li:hover i.et_social_icon { background: #dcae1d !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_rounded.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count, .et_monarch .et_social_rectangle.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; }

List of blogs

Curiosity quest leads to conquering fear


Parenting with expectations – helpful or not?


Expect the unexpected and learn to thrive


Five fearless habits that can change your life


Future-proof your children to thrive in life


Fearless women can change the world


Insight can produce sparkle in your life


Wisdom opens the door to fearless living


Fathers can change the world


What I learned about fear and trauma


Three ways to parent intentionally and care for yourself


Uncover the season you are in to live well


Make memories that can last a lifetime


Grit can grow giant killers


Think right, live right


Why your life matters


Children heal one’s soul


Whose report will you believe?


Lessons from a teacher called Adversity


Stories can change your life


Categories
FearLess

Parenting with Courage

The post Curiosity quest leads to conquering fear appeared first on Mandi Hart.

Do your expectations boost or break down your relationship with your children?

​Children are, well, children. They break things, stumble and fall. They don’t always know why they did what they did. Children make us laugh (and cry).

Did you know that unrealistic expectations of your children can hinder their emotional, mental and physical well-being? But, what is it about being a parent that makes navigating expectations so hard?

The word expectation comes from the Latin word meaning ‘an awaiting’. It is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case. This word, if not properly managed, is fraught with disappointments and pain.

It’s a fine line to navigate because setting certain expectations is part of parenting.

Healthy expectations let your children know what’s important in your home and family. It can help guide them in knowing what they can work towards as they grow up. For example, in our household, we have set the expectation of living out of a team. We expect that our children and we do what makes for the success of our team. It’s not unrealistic, and we all play our part, helping around the house, caring and loving each other.

How can we navigate expectations of ourselves as parents?

Whoever fed us the lie that we need to be the perfect mom or dad? Our parents never struggled with this syndrome. Perhaps it is attributed to social media and the plethora of news out there. With the fear of harming our children psychologically, we unnecessarily pressure ourselves to not make a mistake. 

Children who excel reflect our (excellent) parenting ability – what a lie! If I’m honest, how many of us feel much better about ourselv

es when our children perform well. It’s as if their performance is an indicator of our parenting ability. Come on moms and dads, let’s get rid of this unrealistic expectation. It makes us stressed and tired.

Five unrealistic expectations we can place on our children.

They have to always be in a good mood. Just like us, our children experience different feelings. They are not always happy-go-lucky. Perhaps they are hungry, tired, over-stimulated, frustrated or hurt? Give them space to be who they are and help them understand that you love them – and that will never change.

They have to excel at school. Consider doing away with this expectation completely and rather set healthy goals. Then, relax a little and make time to laugh. Set effort expectations with your kids.

They have to like what we like. Far be it from our children that they don’t like meat as much as we do or enjoy the same sport as their dad. We all know it in our heads, but when reality bites, it’s a much harder pill to swallow. Think about this in advance. How will you help uncover the gifts and talents in your children and release them into what makes them come alive?

They will always be thankful. Children (like us) are not always grateful, however, it is something that they can learn and develop. Give them room and help them cultivate that skill.

Have a childhood like ours. Have you caught yourself saying to your children, “When I was your age, we [insert said activity here]? Not only do they live in a different generation, but the rules of the game have changed. We would offer our children a gift if we embraced this fact and adapted the way we parented. Let them have their own childhood and celebrate life.

You children will drop the glass of milk, tell a lie, backchat you at some stage and fight with their sibling. However, parenting them through these years and managing expectations means that everyone must pass these two tests:

The reality test

Might it be helpful to ask yourself? Is what I’m expecting of my child realistic of their abilities and desires? Often our expectation and reality do not come close on the continuum of life.

I can use this check not only in my parenting but in all areas of my life. How do I, as a mother, manage and navigate my expectations of my children, my husband, family, and friendships? Unmet expectations hurt our hearts.

The relationship test

Every interaction, be it a joy-filled moment or a disciplining encounter, are building blocks in the relationship with our son or daughter. When we keep a relationship in mind, we can more easily adjust our expectations to a healthy level. If we expect our children to excel in various areas at the expense of peace in our home or their joy, then we slowly erode trust and relationship.

The relationship is your number one priority in managing expectations. Structure and rules should never take the place of your relationship with your children; I’m not advocating a home with no discipline or boundaries in place. All of us need to have these in place. We show love to our children when we discipline them. Let them be kids and help them keep on learning. We are learning all the time – oh, and don’t forget to laugh a little.

Let me know how do you manage expectations in your household?

Search for:



Follow
.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 li,.et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle ul li i.et_social_icon { background: #7a9d96; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rounded .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_rectangle .et_social_icons_container li:hover, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0.et_social_circle .et_social_icons_container li:hover i.et_social_icon { background: #dcae1d !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; } .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_icon, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_networks .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_network_label, .et_monarch .et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_networkname, .et_monarch .et_social_rounded.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count, .et_monarch .et_social_rectangle.et_social_shortcode_0 .et_social_icons_container li:hover .et_social_count { color: #ffffff !important; }

List of blogs

Parenting with expectations – helpful or not?


Expect the unexpected and learn to thrive


Five fearless habits that can change your life


Future-proof your children to thrive in life


Fearless women can change the world


Insight can produce sparkle in your life


Wisdom opens the door to fearless living


Fathers can change the world


What I learned about fear and trauma


Three ways to parent intentionally and care for yourself


Uncover the season you are in to live well


Make memories that can last a lifetime


Grit can grow giant killers


Think right, live right


Why your life matters


Children heal one’s soul


Whose report will you believe?


Lessons from a teacher called Adversity


Stories can change your life


How to discover my purpose


Categories
FearLess

Parenting with Courage

The post Parenting with expectations – helpful or not? appeared first on Mandi Hart.