C. JoyBell C.'s Blog, page 34

         Lately, I have been giving some adequate amount of thought to all the hurdles I've faced on my Facebook Page for the past years managing it. And by "hurdles" I mean situations that made me cry, hurt me, caused me to want to quit my page altogether. Now, you have to understand that I'm not the kind of person to say, "I'll show you!" I'm just not like that. If someone hurts me, I'm not going to waste any amount of time on trying to prove anything at all, to that person, because that would just dignify the hurt they've caused me. I leave an offense where an offense takes place; I don't carry it around with me in various forms and shapes. Therefore, when met with these "hurdles," I really just wanted to quit my page and do other things in life. The only reason that I get past things like this, is thanks to the people who love me. And I'm not talking about family and friends; I'm talking about the people who read what I write— my readers, my fanbase— who never fail to let me know that my words have done things for them like gotten them through rehab, gotten them through the deaths of loved ones, through divorce, abandonment by parents, bullying, suicide attempts... the list goes on and on. When I read your stories, then I realize that I should go on— not to try and prove anything to anyone who criticizes me or hurts me; but to go on because what I do is good. I do a good work and the people who have critical things to say about anything I do, are not doing my work. They're just like birds flying by who shit on your head. Are you going to let bird shit make you stop riding your bike, stop taking a walk on the seashore, stop climbing a tree? No. You're going to go inside, wash your hair with some lovely shampoo and then go run out again, this time with fabulous-smelling hair! And there's been one person who's told me, "You sound like you don't take criticism gracefully" and to that my eyebrow popped up and I thought to myself, (because I didn't even respond to this person) The greatest form of criticism is to attempt and do the good work that you are criticizing and then if you are in fact able to do it and do it even better than the one you are judging— THEN I will take your criticism gracefully. And why only then? Well because then your criticism will have raised itself up to a degree of grace, a degree which would then be worth my time of day! But prior to that happening? Why in the world should I take your disgraceful criticism gracefully? Do you in fact deserve it? 

         The very first hurdle I ever faced was when someone kept posting on my wall, (a man) "I miss you so much, I want to be with you again!" and after a while I thought it was getting psycho because I didn't know this person at all, they had just "liked" my page and that was the only connection we had. This was back when my page only had a hundred plus "likes." So after a while of receiving these posts on my page's timeline, I finally replied, "Oh, the things you post make it sound like we actually know each other, heheheheh (smiley face)." And to that comment I received this response, "You are from the pits of hell, from the devil's belly! You can't even receive my longings gracefully! You can't even shut up and smile! You demon woman, demon child!" That was the first hurdle I ever faced due to my page and it did actually cause my hands to quiver and my heart to palpitate. I did cry and I was shocked. Almost left my page— but didn't.
         The second hurdle I experienced, was when I noticed that there were elderly men hitting on very young girls, on my page, in the comments sections and so on and so forth. I sounded out a warning, "Just to let all the young girls here know, that it's not good to add men from my page that you don't know. I don't know the people on my page and I can't vouch for them, so please don't presume that I endorse any people here as your friends." Aside from about five people leaving my page, I got this response too, "You should go crawl back under whatever soap dish you crawled out from under, you ignorant excuse for a human being!" I almost left my page— but I didn't. And yes, that did make me cry. I get all these wounds from doing the work that I do...
         Third hurdle was when I made an update and said, "All of my male friends have been cheated on by their female partners. I want to implore all women— please stop cheating on your men! You might have sons one day and we must treat others how we want our children to one day be treated!" Because of that, many women left my page and I received this comment, "You are ridiculously ignorant and savagely upside-down!" and that was only one comment of the sort, of many that I received. There were even boyfriends of the girls on my page who came on my page to say things like, "You think you're doing good for men? I pity you! You're a sad woman!" Almost left my page— but I didn't. I didn't cry anymore, this time.
         The fourth hurdle was when I announced I was in Italy and a few Italian men started writing on my page, wishing to meet with me and to marry me. I kindly explained that I could not marry them and that I didn't know them. They of course accused me then and there of tearing their families apart (apparently, they had already told their parents they were going to marry me) and for ruining their hopes and dreams. From this fourth hurdle the disclaimer on this blog was born, it's at the bottom of my blog and if you scroll down you will see it and be able to read it and will see it in a new light, under the light of how it came to be! Almost left my page— but I didn't.
         Fifth hurdle was when I said that I'm not nice; I am kind. And that I don't wish to be seen as nice; I wish to be seen as kind. In return, I was told, "You thing from the belly of the beast! You don't have niceness, you burn in hell fire!" Almost left my page— but I didn't.
         There were so many smaller incidents that took place, but I'm enumerating the bigger ones, the ones that really made me want to quit what I was doing and just go enjoy my life doing something else entirely. I'd say the sixth hurdle came when I deleted a post on my timeline and got a backlash from someone who had commented on the said post, I was called "fascist" and "communist." I was given a long rant about how I was holding everyone on my page under a communist regime. Quite frankly, I had only deleted the post because I no longer wanted to share that message and it had nothing to do with any of the comments. And if I had deleted the post due to any comments, that would have been my own prerogative anyway. Almost left my page— but didn't. By this time, my crying days were over and I had toughened up. Not because I wanted to prove to anybody that I was tough— but because the people who believed in me, believed that I was tough.
         The thing that happened not so long ago, which I would label as the seventh hurdle, was when I shared my writings about appreciation and gratitude vs. a feeling of entitlement. Those writings elicited a lot of negative feedback from, well, people who feel entitled. They got mad and tried to "put me in my place." One woman said "This doesn't inspire me, it isn't good because it doesn't speak to my heart, you should learn... this... and that" and she continued on to lecture me about how my writing didn't make her happy and how I needed to learn from her. Entitled indeed. So what if my writing didn't make her happy? Why was I supposed to care? Since when had I begun writing in order to make her happy? In response to that lecture from her, I chose to take a lot of time out of my day to explain to her the whole root cause behind my writing, so that she could gain an understanding of why and how I came about to write the small piece which I had shared on my page, to which she responded, "Why would you take so much time to tell me all this? If you're going to care so much about what people think, then maybe you shouldn't be sharing any of your writings!" This of course made my blood boil and I just got really mad at that point. This individual even had her personal friend come onto my page to demonize me on one of my status updates, whilst placing her on an angelic pedestal. I later found out that the individual was a writer, herself, which made a whole lot more sense to me, since in the literary industry, authors will even go so far as to writing terrible reviews on other authors' books, just out of an attempt to flatten the competition. The literary industry can get so very ugly and competitive, I just stay away from it all. The time of day I gave that woman was a time of day too much and because of that, she had her 15 minutes of fame on my page's timeline. By that time, I had already evolved into someone who could stand up for herself, I got mad and because I got mad, I was judged terribly for getting mad. And because of that I lost a person close to me (a person who judged me for how I reacted, just sitting there, judging me for all my actions and reactions.) But when you lose a person because of a scenario like that— you were better off without them, in the first place. Furthermore, just like any other person, I can get angry when I'm angry, I don't have to put up a fake front for anyone. I'm an independent writer who doesn't have to be an independent writer, I can leave whenever I want, so I'm really not about to swallow anything bitter on behalf of someone who just felt like flattening me down. I don't swallow bitter things, period.
          On my page, I have evolved into quite the disciplinarian. I like to keep things under my wing now and not allow people to get out of line. The work that I do does an immense amount of good in the lives of people, I can see that clearly now and I no longer allow abrasive individuals to run amok on my page. It not only gets in my way, but it gets in the way of the people who are benefiting from the good work that I do. These days, I keep things under my watch and discipline people when needed.
          The most recent incident, I'd call hurdle number eight, was when a woman posted on my update, "I have unliked your page, you are so unappreciative, this is not your best self." To which I replied, "It's wonderful to have your entitled self gone from my page. Goodbye." When people come to my page— they don't come to my page as their best selves. In fact, people stumble upon my writings because they are at their worst self, they are at their most broken selves, they are seeking for answers and groping in the dark— they are not their best selves. And they come to me and they are welcome to stay. If anyone of those people has the nerve to later turn to me and tell me, "I'm leaving because you are not your best self" then I know that person has an enormous sense of self-entitlement. As if they are entitled to me! My page is better off without them!
         I've come a long way from that very first hurdle long ago, up to this present day! Almost left my page many times— but then I didn't. I have been judged for the things I write, I have been judged every time I ban a person (and I have only banned a maximum 16 people to-date), I have been judged when I have gotten angry and been judged when I have not gotten angry. It hurts to be judged according to the manners by which we survive and I bet there are those who would rather that I offer up my "services" to them without the capacity of getting angry and without the capacity to tell people when they cross the line. But then it's those kinds of people, those kinds of people who want that, who are the same kinds of people who come into your life, in the flesh and blood, and want everything about you to work so well for them, just as they please. The whole world and all the people in it must have been granted to them at their own discretion. And nobody needs people like that. Truth be told, I have weighed the realities and it turns out that I have never even once deserved any of the hurdles that have been thrown at me, as a result of running my Facebook page. I would have been well justified if I had just left and dropped everything any of those times that I felt like doing so. But at the end of the day— I'm glad that I didn't.

All thingsby immortal powernear or farto each otherhiddenly linked are.That thou cans't not stir a flowerwithout troubling a star.

~ Sir Benjamin Thompson(1758-1814)

It is my desire that my writings do not raise a self-entitled race. Or, rather, that my writings do not add to that mainstream system that today proliferates. People are becoming "enlightened" and what not. Every Facebook page you visit is telling you that you are the universe and that whatever you want in this world— the universe will conspire to give it to you. Being someone who studies astronomy, I can tell you that the universe is vast and to call the universe vast is even a gross understatement. You are definitely not the universe and the universe definitely does not revolve around you. Some people, until this day, do not even know that the Earth revolves around the Sun! And then people scatter their universe teachings all over the place, to all of the masses of people who don't even have a concept of what the universe is— and we really expect some good to come out of that?

It is my desire that my writings do not fall onto untilled soil. I want my words to fall into soil that is ripe and ready for the seeds. I do not want my words to become add-ons to the mainstream self-entitlement candy that's being given out left and right these days.

It is my desire that my words not be polluted and not be taken as things that are granted.

These are my simple desires for my words.

And lastly, about all of your energy theories— energy cannot be imitated. You cannot just say one day "I am going to emit positive energy." Pure energy comes from a source of energy. That source must be positive if you want the waves of energy to also be positive. In order to produce positive energy— your source must first be rebuilt, refurbished, remodeled, reconstructed, into a positive source. That doesn't come about by imitation or emulation. That comes about by the transformation of character, mind, heart. That comes about through the laying down of your old self for the taking up of the new self. That comes about by seeing your mistakes, realizing your errors, developing a desire to make changes within yourself.

Well, that's all I wanted to say, today.


C. Bells

         It’s easy to get carried away in the search for “experience.” I think that people boast of “experience” as if all experience is good. The whole world will tell you that all mistakes are good and all experiences are worthwhile. Nevertheless, I believe in an equilibrium. I always say “throw yourself out there” but at the same time, I want to tell you, that there are so many experiences in life that you’re better off not experiencing. Experience is not always a positive thing, it can affect a person in such a way that it is like finding a tulip trampled under foot, run over by bicycles and spit on. And then the tulip is set on a windowsill for sale with a sign that says “I have had so much experience, that’s why I’m more expensive.” But the truth is, there’s nothing wrong with being that tulip in the field, untouched and caressed by moonlight. Yes, we have the choice to make mistakes, but we also have the choice to choose what things we allow in to make marks upon our lives. It is okay to be untouched by darkness.
         Roses are picked every day, they are told that they will be better off sold in the flower shoppe. And so they go from the hands of the picker; to the hands of the delivery man; to the hands of the florist; to the hands of the customer; and then often to the hands of the final recipient of the rose. From field, cut by scissors and passed from hand to hand. The world has forgotten that it is okay for roses to be in fields, the world has forgotten the beauty of the rose uncut. The bouquet is praised and given away but the wild roses are forgotten. People have forgotten what “wild” means; they think it means something entirely different. The wild rose remains untouched, with roots and swayed by the meadow winds. And that is wild. I am wild for having roots and for being untouched and for seeing things that people have forgotten. And I will always remember— that it is okay to be uncut, that it is okay to be untouched by darkness, it is okay to be wild.
         In the world that we live in— purity and innocence are the true strengths. It is strength to live in a world like this and remain pure of heart, it is strength to live in a world like this and retain innocence. These are
things that the world wants to take away from you, that experiences tend to alter and attempt to redefine. The wild ones aren’t the defiled ones— thewild ones are the pure ones, the innocent ones. It takes a true wildness to retain these things through the fire and through the storms. It takes a real wildness to remain in the wild— not contorted and maligned by circumstance and experiences. And it takes power to stand up and to choose what experiences we allow to take root or to even come into our lives.

I had no idea that wolves are such a vital and positive force in nature. This video teaches us something new and profound, please enjoy it...

Lately, I have been thinking about society's attitude towards mistakes. I've said recently, that the world will tell us over and over again that mistakes are always good and I myself have once said, "So what? This is life! A whole bunch of mistakes!" Nevertheless, I do feel that when this creed falls upon a ground that has not yet been tilled, it creates stupidity. Yes, we are free to make mistakes but on the other hand we are also free to choose the experiences that we allow to take root into our lives or to even become a part of our lives, in the first place. The thing is, once a mistake is made, you will have to live with the consequences of those actions that are most probably going to be far-reaching and will touch not only your life but the lives of those whom you love. I frequently hear many people say, "I would not do anything differently, I would not have done anything any other way." I personally do not say that. There are plenty of things I would have done differently and the fact that I can see that and I realize that, means that I have learned from mistakes made. I am thankful for the things learned; but I am not glad that the errors were made. Especially in circumstances where I have hurt other people. I believe that in any circumstance where you have hurt another person— the right to say, "I wouldn't have done anything any other way" isn't a right that belongs to you. Because your actions have involved hurting another person/ other people. It's easy for you to say. What about the people that you hurt? In fact, when I come to see my mistakes and see where I went wrong, or how bad I was, I feel a true joy and gratitude for being able to see the error in my ways. It brings me joy and gratitude because those errors were chains that bound me. When you are not able to see those chains or refuse to acknowledge that they are there— you fail to be freed of them.

There is an immense lack of responsibility that exists in society today. I have to say, that I am glad people are being taught their worth and importance and that they "are the universe" but dare I say that these teachings, when fallen into the hands of the unknowing, create nothing but an empty sense of self-entitlement and lack of responsibility for one's own actions? The hierophants of ancient days were earnest in giving the warning that certain knowledge not be given to the masses without proper introduction and inner growth. The raw fact is, that not all people are ready to know certain truths. There is a reason why such truths are kept away. When fallen into the hands of the unprepared— there is no good outcome.

In case you haven't heard the latest— my newest release, Wolves of the Sapphire Sun, is finally available to everyone, everywhere! Clicking the book covers below will take you directly to my website where you will be able to navigate yourself around and find ways to make this book your own! For the next few days, this discount code ( VMSHDDKR ) will be valid at the books' respective CreateSpace Direct Stores. You can find those stores by clicking through to my website where you'll see that the links to these stores are listed right below their corresponding book covers.

I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day and I hope that you will love Wolves...

Warning: Unsettling language and visuals. But highly worth the watch. Parental Guidance advised for any younger audience.

         I'm looking for a band/musician/singer-songwriter who would be eager to collaborate with me and create a theme song for my book, Wolves of the Sapphire Sun. You and your song would be promoted alongside my book (meaning, I will promote the song as the theme song for my story and I will introduce you, as well, and of course acknowledge you for your creation of the music.)         If you are eager, please contact me at my author's email address: authorcjoybellc at gmail dot com or send me a tweet on twitter! Give me a sample of the kind of music you create so I can determine if it suits my vision. I'm not looking for something that's very "POP-ish" I would rather have a sound that's more rock, for example, the sound of Secondhand Serenade, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, etc. But at the same time, I could probably take to something very "indie-sounding" as well. I could go for anything, really, as long as I really like it and I think that it fits the sound of the story in my book. It should sound a little dark, very sexy, hopeful and peaceful.         In order to create the perfect sound and lyrics, I would be sending you a copy of my book's PDF file, so you can read it, internalize it, and come up with your own expressions of what you understand, as well. So... let me know if you're interested! xxx

         Yukon, who is Ezekiel our alpha, is a Tamaskan. "Tamaska" in the Native American language, means "Wolf Spirit" or "Mighty Wolf."