Ken Poirot's Blog - Posts Tagged "take-out-the-garbage"
Relationships, Happiness, and True Love: Take Out the Garbage...
No One is Free From Hurt or Pain
As I think about many of my past conversations with others in life, there is one universal commonality everyone shares...
Each one of us has hurt and pain in our lives...every one of us. No one is immune or free from hurt or pain from time to time.
Throughout life, painful events happen and hurtful situations transpire. Friendships are formed; some of these friendships are enduring and stalwart, while others are fleeting and filled with drama.
Lovers and partners come into and out of our lives...some wound us deeply in ways we may not fully understand at the time; sometimes people betray us or hurt us.
Closure in relationships is rare; often we find ourselves wondering what went wrong, what we could have done differently, or why our relationships ended so tragically.
This lack of closure can cause us to ponder away for lengths of time, without any objective, concrete answers or tidy conclusion.
Hurt and Pain Comes with Living
As I often say, "There is a cost of doing business in life," meaning when we trust someone...when we open up and get close, sometimes we get hurt.
Yet, to never open up or take the risk in a relationship means to never have the closeness we crave, or the love we desire (and deserve) in our lives.
I know so many people who jump from relationship to relationship to relationship, just because they feel the need to always have someone in their lives.
Yes, having someone can make us feel better short-term, but it is only a temporary solution. It is a way to briefly avoid the real problem...our own feelings of unhappiness, loneliness, hurt, pain, and/or insecurity.
For no one can give us happiness and joy (not true long-term happiness and joy), they can only supply a "quick fix" euphoria from the novelty of something new, and our sense of feeling loved and wanted again.
Impossible Expectations Lead to Relationship Sabotage
We cannot expect someone else to fill us up inside or make us whole. This is a terrible and impossible responsibility with which to appoint another person (a task they cannot possibly accomplish because only we can make ourselves whole).
Having this expectation, (and carrying it into any relationship) will only ensure the relationship will not work out, or live up to these impossible expectations we place on the relationship and the other person.
We are setting the relationship, and the poor soul we are involved with (and ourselves), up for disappointment.
These expectations result in a weak relationship that folds at the first sign of trouble, or "red flag," we feel inside.
Our first reaction to this feeling is to shut down, close up, distance ourselves, or walk away for fear of getting hurt again.
Ignored Past Hurt and Pain Destroys New Relationships
Ultimately the past pain and hurt creeps in again, typically in the form of putting up barriers to true closeness in our relationship.
Predictably, this behavior causes problems and destroys our current relationship. Typically (without even realizing it), we allow the past hurt and pain from which we originally tried to flee to victimize our new relationship.
These are all destructive behaviors in any relationship. We end up sabotaging our new relationship all because we are too afraid to get hurt again (which ironically, causes us to get hurt again by keeping us from having a close, open, and fulfilling relationship in the first place).
This in turn causes even more hurt and pain, which is then added to our ever-expanding, existing pile of emotional baggage, which we carry into our next relationship.
It's a vicious cycle we repeat over and over and over again. So what is the solution to this vicious cycle?
Grieve and Then Find Happiness Within You
The best solution is to take a break; to allocate the time to work on ourselves.
Instead of jumping into the next relationship in order to run from the pain we feel inside (which we cannot truly escape anyway), a healthier long-term solution is to grieve (confront the pain of past events and relationships).
Only by acknowledging this hurt and pain, allowing ourselves to experience it, taking the necessary time to work through it (heal), can we truly become ready for future strong, healthy, and fulfilling relationships.
The fact is, true long-term happiness and true joy comes from within us...not from outside of us.
It is up to us to find this happiness and joy within ourselves. No one can supply us with happiness and joy permanently from outside of us; no one can make us whole.
We can't place such unreasonable expectations on others to complete us for only we can complete ourselves.
So I will ask you, what makes you happy?
Maybe it is spending time with family and friends, being more involved in your community, an organization, or church. Or maybe it is a hobby, an activity, a setting like the beach or mountains, music, sports, going to the gym, writing, etc...
Regardless of what makes you happy and gives you joy, we all need to take the time to build ourselves up again...make ourselves whole again after the trauma of hurt and pain enters our lives.
Take out the Garbage
I liken it to taking out the garbage; if we travel from one relationship to another to another, without first taking the time to make ourselves whole inside, finding the true long-term happiness and joy within us, then we are just adding to the piles and piles of garbage (emotional baggage) in our lives.
Harboring this ever-increasing mound of garbage burdens us, creates emotional exhaustion, and causes fear (the fear of getting hurt).
If we let it continue to expand, it takes up residence as a landfill burying our hearts and souls, preventing us from having the love and closeness we want (and all deserve) in life.
While working through this past hurt and pain (taking out the garbage), spend time doing the things you enjoy the most.
Take out the garbage...true happiness comes from within not from without!
Completely and solely within you is the capacity for true happiness...it is already within you!
Once you feel the true happiness and joy inside you...then you can give all of yourself to someone else.
Then you will be ready and able to experience and realize a strong, healthy, fulfilling relationship; the true love you deserve!
https://www.goodreads.com/photo/autho...
Ken Poirot
Warmly,
Ken Poirot
As I think about many of my past conversations with others in life, there is one universal commonality everyone shares...
Each one of us has hurt and pain in our lives...every one of us. No one is immune or free from hurt or pain from time to time.
Throughout life, painful events happen and hurtful situations transpire. Friendships are formed; some of these friendships are enduring and stalwart, while others are fleeting and filled with drama.
Lovers and partners come into and out of our lives...some wound us deeply in ways we may not fully understand at the time; sometimes people betray us or hurt us.
Closure in relationships is rare; often we find ourselves wondering what went wrong, what we could have done differently, or why our relationships ended so tragically.
This lack of closure can cause us to ponder away for lengths of time, without any objective, concrete answers or tidy conclusion.
Hurt and Pain Comes with Living
As I often say, "There is a cost of doing business in life," meaning when we trust someone...when we open up and get close, sometimes we get hurt.
Yet, to never open up or take the risk in a relationship means to never have the closeness we crave, or the love we desire (and deserve) in our lives.
I know so many people who jump from relationship to relationship to relationship, just because they feel the need to always have someone in their lives.
Yes, having someone can make us feel better short-term, but it is only a temporary solution. It is a way to briefly avoid the real problem...our own feelings of unhappiness, loneliness, hurt, pain, and/or insecurity.
For no one can give us happiness and joy (not true long-term happiness and joy), they can only supply a "quick fix" euphoria from the novelty of something new, and our sense of feeling loved and wanted again.
Impossible Expectations Lead to Relationship Sabotage
We cannot expect someone else to fill us up inside or make us whole. This is a terrible and impossible responsibility with which to appoint another person (a task they cannot possibly accomplish because only we can make ourselves whole).
Having this expectation, (and carrying it into any relationship) will only ensure the relationship will not work out, or live up to these impossible expectations we place on the relationship and the other person.
We are setting the relationship, and the poor soul we are involved with (and ourselves), up for disappointment.
These expectations result in a weak relationship that folds at the first sign of trouble, or "red flag," we feel inside.
Our first reaction to this feeling is to shut down, close up, distance ourselves, or walk away for fear of getting hurt again.
Ignored Past Hurt and Pain Destroys New Relationships
Ultimately the past pain and hurt creeps in again, typically in the form of putting up barriers to true closeness in our relationship.
Predictably, this behavior causes problems and destroys our current relationship. Typically (without even realizing it), we allow the past hurt and pain from which we originally tried to flee to victimize our new relationship.
These are all destructive behaviors in any relationship. We end up sabotaging our new relationship all because we are too afraid to get hurt again (which ironically, causes us to get hurt again by keeping us from having a close, open, and fulfilling relationship in the first place).
This in turn causes even more hurt and pain, which is then added to our ever-expanding, existing pile of emotional baggage, which we carry into our next relationship.
It's a vicious cycle we repeat over and over and over again. So what is the solution to this vicious cycle?
Grieve and Then Find Happiness Within You
The best solution is to take a break; to allocate the time to work on ourselves.
Instead of jumping into the next relationship in order to run from the pain we feel inside (which we cannot truly escape anyway), a healthier long-term solution is to grieve (confront the pain of past events and relationships).
Only by acknowledging this hurt and pain, allowing ourselves to experience it, taking the necessary time to work through it (heal), can we truly become ready for future strong, healthy, and fulfilling relationships.
The fact is, true long-term happiness and true joy comes from within us...not from outside of us.
It is up to us to find this happiness and joy within ourselves. No one can supply us with happiness and joy permanently from outside of us; no one can make us whole.
We can't place such unreasonable expectations on others to complete us for only we can complete ourselves.
So I will ask you, what makes you happy?
Maybe it is spending time with family and friends, being more involved in your community, an organization, or church. Or maybe it is a hobby, an activity, a setting like the beach or mountains, music, sports, going to the gym, writing, etc...
Regardless of what makes you happy and gives you joy, we all need to take the time to build ourselves up again...make ourselves whole again after the trauma of hurt and pain enters our lives.
Take out the Garbage
I liken it to taking out the garbage; if we travel from one relationship to another to another, without first taking the time to make ourselves whole inside, finding the true long-term happiness and joy within us, then we are just adding to the piles and piles of garbage (emotional baggage) in our lives.
Harboring this ever-increasing mound of garbage burdens us, creates emotional exhaustion, and causes fear (the fear of getting hurt).
If we let it continue to expand, it takes up residence as a landfill burying our hearts and souls, preventing us from having the love and closeness we want (and all deserve) in life.
While working through this past hurt and pain (taking out the garbage), spend time doing the things you enjoy the most.
Take out the garbage...true happiness comes from within not from without!
Completely and solely within you is the capacity for true happiness...it is already within you!
Once you feel the true happiness and joy inside you...then you can give all of yourself to someone else.
Then you will be ready and able to experience and realize a strong, healthy, fulfilling relationship; the true love you deserve!
https://www.goodreads.com/photo/autho...
Ken Poirot
Warmly,
Ken Poirot
