College Students! discussion

sooo I know I mentioned the girl next door before and how she talks about me and other people (and then I relay the info to the people she talks about) well, I heard today that she went and talked to the residential life director and was specifically trying to get me in trouble for eavesdropping and "being nosy"... HELLO! I'm not even trying to listen! You're being so loud that I can't help but hear! Anyway, I saw Jeff, the RLD, at lunch and went and talked w/ him after someone told me and he was like "Yeah you aren't going to get in trouble." I had already mentioned them talking about me a couple weeks ago.. so he KNOWS I wasn't eavesdropping... he knows that I don't want to hear her conversations. but ughhh.. Why does she freakin hate me?? it's sooo stupid. She just needs to shut up if she doesn't want me to hear. duh.

on a good note... I had a conference about my creative writing piece w/ the professor and he liked it. He said he was impressed and shocked that it wasn't formulaic (like he was expecting) Yay! But I warned him that it might be my Harper Lee moment... that may be the best he gets for the whole semester! haha.

Nools, I went ahead and took the plunge. I feel so great about this decision. I'm going to plan on finishing in July 2010, but I get to participate in the May graduation stuff. Having two majors/two degrees is akin to what I pictured myself doing when I was little and saw myself going to college. And I'm better at history than I am at English, so that's another good thing.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I really appreciate it.

Hey Tahleen!!! I know this is a little late for your post but maybe youll still get a change to read it. Its going to be 10 months soon for me and my current boyfriend. Before we dated we were really good friends and somehow we just fell for each other at the same time. I am studying abroad for the semester in the UK and hes living in Canada right now. Hes coming down for Valentine's day. We had a good laugh yesterday when I said "I could not have imagined me and you in London England on Valentine's day 10 months from when we first were just friends" It is ridiculous!!!

The thing is if you really feel something there, I say go ahead take the plunge!!! But on a word of warning: The relationships that began out of friendships are the most painful breakups. Goodluck! Keep us posted!

Thanks Silvia! Nope, not too late, I still check back! I was hoping to get more posts haha, thanks for your advice. I'll see what happens--I'm not sure it would work out as well as you and your boyfriend, but you never know. I think he's still seeing that other girl. I will keep you posted though. :)

soo..similar situation i had before i started dating my current boyfriend. I was friends with this guy from the start of my freshman year..he already had a girlfriend from back home..and i always had a little crush on him..he was soo my type...so i stayed good friends with him..i always became friends with his girlfriends and always absolutely loved them and was always so happy for him because they were great..but always in the back of my head i liked him. it was like that all the way until junior year..and i never said anything and finally he was single and so was i..and mutual friends kind of told him that i liked him before i got the chance..so we went on a date..and before the date i was so excited..i was like..wow..i waited all this time and it finally happened...he was great..but throughout the date..i just wasn't feeling anything like that towards him..and was actually thinking about this kid who i had also started hanging out with recently as friends that had liked me (who actually is my current boyfriend now :) ) but anywho..it sucked because he totally felt something and thought it was soo right but i ended up thinking maybe i like the idea of us being together more than i actually liked us together. so..i can't tell you whether or not its a good idea to tell him or to do something about it..because clearly it works out for some and it doesn't for others..i waited a long time for that guy and then it was me that didn't like it so much.. the only thing i can say that did suck is that we are not nearly as good friends as we once were. i mean we still facebook every now and again and we are friends to an extent..but it changed so much. good luck!! keep us updated!

Congrats, Lori!! :D
I'm excited for you! I took a more cautious tone in offering advice because I didn't want to sell doubling like it's amazing; as you are aware, it's a pretty big commitment to make when you're already half-way through. I'm glad you feel better about it now, especially if history is something you're good at as well as enjoy. : )

Thanks Jamie! Will do.

And Lori, I'm glad you made a decision! From what you've been saying, sounds like the right choice for you.

Nools, I am looking at the new plan of action that I have to take to do this and it seems like a lot, but I know I can handle it. It's a good challenge. There are only benefits to this and it's challenge I want to take because I really am tired of holding myself back out of fear, ie settling because I'm afraid to be "great." (That might sound narcissistic, but oh well). What kind of English has been your focus? Is there a particular genre or time period that you've focused on? What do you plan on doing with your two degrees?

I'm glad to hear it's been working for you, Lori. : ) I felt a lot of relief when I decided to go with Molecular/Cellular Bio, too. It's been tough. I'm not especially gifted at it; I have to work hard to understand, go to office hours, make an extra effort -- unlike English which I love to do and gravitate toward naturally, but it's been worthwhile so far.

As for English.. I don't really have an emphasis? I thought I would do something like Modern to Contemporary literature. One of my favorite courses was a semester of just focusing and getting really into Proust's In Search Of Lost Time, and last semester, I took a modern-postmodern survey seminar which introduced me to poets, novelists, and even directors I might not have otherwise considered. As of this semester, I've also considered settling for no specific emphasis because of a prerequisite Pre-Chaucer course I've been enjoying immensely. It's still very up in the air.

I like that I'm finishing a major in Genetics (which is an emphasis under Molecular and Cellular Biology) because it keeps my options way open. About a year ago, I worked in a research lab -- one which, back in the 90's, was working on cracking the Human Genome -- and that was one of the most fascinating/exciting things I've ever done.

I have to also mention the personal satisfaction of being a polyglot as motivation to pursue these very different subjects (my turn to sound narcissistic). I don't mean this to sound arrogant. I didn't want to narrow my choices. A kind of nerdy secret: I was really sorry to let go of math and physics. They would have been great fun, I think, if I were brainy enough to handle the super-abstract stuff. I think college is too soon to get into a single major -- or at least it feels this way to me!

As far as future plans... I really don't know! I might be an English teacher, or I might go into medicine -- or anything in between. I'm almost definitely taking a year or so off in between undergrad and grad school. After that, the general plan is either med school somewhere or an English PhD program, God-willing at Berkeley because I LOVE it here.

(Edit: WOW, this is long. : / Sorry. I didn't realize. Got all excited.)

OH, BTW, Lori, I almost forgot to ask: How about you? English/History emphasis?

Nools: If you ever want to talk about Proust, I'm your man. Ha.

I like to think of myself as a connoisseur of modernist literature. Haha, I hope that doesn't come off as wildly pretentious...

Nools, As I explained to my ex (who inadvertently gave me the idea), I feel like I did when I was 17 and got the lead in the French Club's rendition of Phantom of the Opera. I have this huge chance to prove myself to myself and other people. And I feel ambition and curiosity, and desire for the first time in a while. Reclaiming those feelings from when I was younger has been great (all through college, I've had this fear that I peaked in hs).

I've had a few English classes that I struggled with immensely. I think English is definitely my weaker area because of all of the mind reading of the professors that it requires. I have no problems with rattling off 12 pages of historical facts.

Maybe emphasis wasn't the right word for it. I've just found myself taking a lot of American, late 19th, early 20th century courses (on the ones I get to choose). I'm hoping to do an Independent Study on the transcendentalists with one of my favorite professors next year. I would love to do a Modernist class and study Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and those guys. But it hasn't worked out with my schedule.

As for a history emphasis, I'm going to do American. We have to have 15 hours of a primary focus (American for me), 9 of a secondary (European) and 6 of a third (World). I'm taking the senior thesis class next semester and I have been batting around a couple of ideas. I'd like to do something on the way Fitzgerald portrays characters that went to the Ivies and how they actually were by reading Fitzgerald and some scholarly works on students of the 1920s. Then again, I may do something over the Civil War. (I'd love to tie in Gone With the Wind because I'm itching for a chance to re-read it). Or maybe something on the 60s and drug culture. Whatever I decide, I want to incorporate something from my reading list since I'm a double major.

I wish we had a course on Proust! I would love to read Swann's Way, but I'm a bit intimidated by it, especially going at it alone.

You don't sound arrogant. I was really good at everything I took on until I decided to major in English. And even then, I didn't do horridly, but those B's on my transcript just gall me (especially with how many there are). It does feel like college forces you to make a decision on a major pretty quickly.

Good luck with making a decision. I'm sure you'll be great at whatever you do. I've never been to Berkeley, but I imagine it's wonderful.

Matthew, From reviewing your reading list (impressive!) I'd have to agree that you are a connoisseur of everything.

Lori: I'm happy to hear you feel so empowered by this move! And: B's?! Haha, oh wow, my science GPA has seen worse. Admittedly, it was, in most cases, not the earnestly-borne fruit of my best efforts. I learned in the first half of college how poorly I can perform with little personal attention, having attended private school through all of my secondary education. Definitely, I feel you on the fear of "peaking in high school". Private school often means, at one's best, being a big fish only relative to the small pond.

And, re:connoisseurs of everything -- I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way. :D;

Matt: I will get back to you on the Proust-ing as soon as this week stops killing me, once I have time/energy to dig up my volumes. And as for the recs, if amazon.com wasn't lying, I should have them within a week or so!! Exciting! :D

Nools, I didn't go to a private school, but I definitely had a lot more personal attention. And less homework, so it was easier to get everything done. I think I also thrived on doing the busy work--getting points for homework, worksheets, etc--which really helped me out. Glad to know I'm not the only one worrying about peaking in high school.

I'm working on being a connoisseur of everything. My latest amazon shipment should be out by next Tuesday (though I'm hoping for earlier) because I chose the free shipping.

I JUST PURCHASED A VOLUME CONTAINING 67 OF VLADIMIR NABOKOV'S SHORT STORIES.

What this means:
1. This is the fourth book I've bought in three days.
2. I am so poor. Also fiscally irresponsible.
3. BUT WHO CARES? I AM SO EXCITED. :D;;;;;

... T_T;
Someone please tell me I did the right thing.
I can get by on ramen for a while if I need to.

You did the right thing.

Nools, I think you did the right thing. I wrestled with buying a non-mass market edition of The Fountainhead over the weekend. It would have been $20, minus 20% off, which would have been too much for me. I hate being poor. Why must books cost so much when they're so beneficial?

So I had an awful week last week and I feel I just need to complain to get it out of my system and start this week better. Last Monday started with a dentist appt where I learned I have gingivitis and my dentist hashed out a plan to get my teeth squared away before I am uninsured next fall. Then we learned that a 5-year-old family friend ended her battle with cancer and it is really hard to talk to a 5-year-old about why her best friend isn't here anymore. She fought for 2 years and was suffering quite a bit so it wasn't a complete surprise but I just don't understand the reason a little girl (and her wonderful family) needs to suffer so much. Work was also very busy because since it is no longer the "busy" season (and the economy sucks) we are running a skeleton crew which really can't handle all the catering orders we keep taking on top a surprisingly busy week. I also came to terms with the fact that I won't be able to get time off to go see my best friend for her birthday next weekend and just hope I can get off a few hours early for the memorial. So that is my awful week sorry about the rant.

Anna, don't apologize! I'm sorry to hear about your week. I hope it gets a bit easier for you here on out; no one deserves this much grief in so short a time. We're here to support you, so feel free to rant to us anytime you need to. I hope you feel better soon.

Anna..sorry to hear about your awful week! Hope it picks up soon!

Nools, you definetely did the right thing! You bought a book, not drugs (books are way cooler than drugs anyway). Happy reading!

Anna, I'm sorry to hear about your week. Wow..that poor 5 year old, and her family and friends...that really sucks. And Tahleen is right, don't apologise for ranting, let it all out there! Life won't always be so sucky though, things will get better.

This may sound weird but...do you ever wish that you could get divorced (for want of a better analogy) from yourself? Like,do ye ever get so fed up and angry with yourself that you wish that ye could be anyone, absolutely anyone else? I apologise for sounding like an angst-ridden teenager here.

Anna, I am so sorry to hear about that 5 year old. How awful. I can't imagine what her family is going through right now. 5 years is nowhere near long enough.

55 years isn't long enough. Now 105 would be better. So sad. Cancer stinks.

Hope everything gets better for you Anna!

thank you all for your kind thoughts. This week started better (tuesdays are my monday) people at work said they appreciate my hard work (which has never been mentioned before), I had a really good talk with a friend about lives being taken too soon, and my mom wanted me to buy a couple of cheap copies of Power of One for a community group she is part of and since Powell's offers free shipping for orders over $50 I needed to buy myself some books (purely for free shipping of course). Three of the four books I bought for myself were recommended from goodreads (so thanks for that too).

Roisu: I frequently am fed up with myself and wish I could be someone else.

Roisu, I know exactly what you mean! It's like I'm a separated couple. I hear myself doing and saying certain things, but at the same time I'm saying to myself, "What?! Why?!"

Guess what?? I just got accepted to a college in Utah, and I am going up there over spring break on a college visit! I am sooo excited!

Woooooot!!! Go Suzanne! :) :)

Thats fantastic, Suzanne! :-)

i love all you girls and i feel so comfortable in other times i have shared things that i figure i should share what i have been feeling lately because i've really been struggling.

i'm just at such a weird place in my life. I'm out of college. I'm working at a job that I hate with a bunch of high schoolers..and that's where most of my time is spent. I feel so lonely..I mean..things are going really really great with my boyfriend and I and we have been closer than ever. but i miss having a ton of friends like i did when i was in college. while i didn't have a ton of female friends..I was beginning to make an effort to deepen my friendships with some girls before i graduated..but now that is kind of impossible. I honestly feel like i have nobody to hang out with and nobody to really talk to..like girl time. i do miss girl time so much. My best girl friend is getting married soon and has a full time job..so i never see her as much as i used to..and i know our relationship is going to change drastically when she is married. I just feel extremely lonely..and I hate it. I mean..hanging out with my boyfriend is amazing and so is talking to him...but i am realizing the need to have girl friends. I'm just not used to living away from people since i got rather used to that in college. anyways..i feel like i'm sort of ranting and complaining..but I am just really struggling lately..I just would like to have friends again! lol

Jamie, I'm sorry to hear about that. I wouldn't say that I've ever really had a lot of friends that I regularly do stuff with or talk to. And it definitely gets lonely sometimes, particularly if you're a very social person, as you seem to be. I use my time to read and work on myself. But that would get tiring if you like being around people.

Are you still looking for another job? And are you planning on going back to school to get a masters or something? (I can't remember if the working is just temporary) I wish I had better advice (or even actual advice) to give you. We're all here for you if you need to rant or complain.

As weird as it sounds, I feel like I've made some really good friends through this site; people that I can tell things to that I couldn't tell people in real life and people I can talk to about books in a way that I can't in my real life.

i am new to the group so therefore i don't really know you Jamie..however..from reading stuff around the group i get the sense of the kind of person you are..you seem really sweet and cool..so don't let this get you down! Maybe you need to make some new friends? Are there places you could volunteer or any activities you could get involved with? I'm just asking because I can honestly relate to this since i have moved to florida..i felt like i didn't have any friends anymore..nobody to really have deep conversations with or really truly bond with. so i went out and found things to do that i could meet like minded people. I hope things get better for you!

Jamie I'm sorry you're feeling lonely! I agree with Molly, I'd try to find extracurricular things to do so you can maybe meet other girls around your age (or not!) who you might want to hang out with. I know what you mean about feeling lonely... I just hope it doesn't last too long! And you know you can talk to us whenever you are feeling down, we will try to cheer you up! :D

Jamie,
I am sure that we all at CS feel sorry for you.
Maybe I can not imagine how you are feeling, but what I would say is that you can handle it!
And you will win something or learn something with this. Perhaps the new friends you’ll make in this new "stage" are the friends who’ll be with you for life...
Moreover, the fact that your friend is getting married will not reduce your friendship, right? Probably, you will meet less often, but friendship can continue deepening.
And as Lori said, there are a lot of friendly people here for you. :))

Jamie- we're here for you! I feel like a lot of us can relate too. I am still in school and I have a lot of really good friends...in school. I mean I guess we could hang out outside of school but we don't haha. And my boyfriend lives an hour and a half away, as does my family and a lot of my friends. When I came back up from spring break, I was really depressed. It's so nice to come on GR and know that there are people who will listen to me and people who I can try to help out too.

I guess I don't have any really good advice because I am somewhat in the same boat! But if you ever need someone to talk to we're all here for you!! Maybe there is another actual book club you could join somewhere to meet some people? Or something else? It's always worth a shot!

Jamie... why don't you live next door to me? I am in the same exact situation as you almost, but have been since I started college!! I am a hermit crab - work part time, school full time, & I live with my bf of 5 years. We aren't married because we are happy where we are, but we might as well be married. We have debt together, have a joint checking account, etc. My old high school girlfriends are either at college somewhere else, too busy (just like me), or they went off the deep end. Right now if I looked in my cell, there's probably 6 girls I could text to hang out, but then we probably couldn't decide on a date because we are both too busy. As of friends I met in college? I don't really have any. I take at least 1 night class every semester, I live off campus, & I go straight to my car & haul ass out of there as soon as class is over. My college experience? None. So I know exactly how you feel? My advice? Honestly, I don't really have none. Haha. I really want some girl time as well. But it's soooo hard to find time!!! I have time during the day to bullshit around on Tuesdays & Thrusdays, but my friends are busy at that time.

I just want to say hang in there & call up a couple of girls to set a specific date to hang out. I focus on other things that take away from my want to hang out with friends, but I know I shouldn't. Sometimes I get depressed about it, but I just go on. I always have with most things that bother me.

But anyways, I just wanted to get in touch with everyone since I've been off here for like 3 weeks!!! They blocked this site at work, which is when I always get on. So I'm going to try to get on here more at home. I've been doing ok, just catching up with classes, working, & trying to lose weight. I've got a gym membership now, some awesome (actually fun) workout dvds, & I'm eating healthy. So far I've lost 6 lbs. Which I think is AWESOME!!! But I'm really trying & I'm still motivated so I'm trying to focus on doing something for me for once. I'll definitely let everyone know how I'm doing. I can still get on my sparkpeople website at work, so if you're bored, come check out my site & I update my progress on there. It's sparkpeople.com & my username is misslauren21. I miss talking to you guys!! I hope everyone is doing ok.

aww i was just thinking about you the other day!! i missed you!! I'm glad to hear that you are doing well though!

good idea..i'll move next to you and we can hang out!! i'll bring my bf so our bfs can play video games together! :)

haha i hope your bf doesn't have a ps3... mine is always on that thing shooting zombi's or something! lol

Hey Jamie, I'm sorry that you feel that way. Janet is right though- we're here for you! This might sound strange, but I feel as if I am friends with ye- despite the fact we live thousands of miles away, and it is unlikely that we will ever meet.

Maybe you can join take up something that will make you meet new people. As for the job, well my philosophy is I am never going to get a job, but that aside, maybe you can find one that you enjoy more? Take care, Jamie.

Well my motivation for everything is shot for a bit. School, work, my weight loss. Why? I am SO STRESSED! But not like the "usual" stress. If some of you guys remember an old post where I said I had anxiety disorder.. well I'm still taking meds for it. So honestly, stress is dulled down for me. I don't get jittery & feel like "OMG OMG I'VE GOT TO DO THIS, THIS, THIS..." Instead it's like all bottled up inside & I care, but I feel like I can't do much about things. For instance, I left my accounting class early tonight, even though I knew if I stayed, I could get extra bonus points on a quiz. But I felt funky and just really, really wanted to go home. It's just small things that add up. I knew I should of stayed, but I didn't. Now that I'm trying to lose weight, it's the same thing... I know I shouldn't eat ice cream, but I do. I don't know. I just feel bummed out. But I've even got good news. Me & my boyfriend are looking into buying a house. But once again, I'm not feeling the excitement & happiness that I should. Wtf? I don't know. We'll see if things get better & I'll let you guys know.

I hope things get better Lauren!! you know you can always talk to us!! just try and look at it one step at a time almost..like with weight loss..you might feel unmotivated to try and keep yourself from eating ice cream bc in the grand scheme it feels like a little thing..but just look at it as your one mission in that second..not to eat the ice cream..or to stay in class..i think that sometimes i get anxiety when i focus TOO much about the bigger picture of things..anyways..it sounds easier said than done..and I don't know how it actually is for you..but just know that we are always here for you and we are most definitely rooting for you! and btw..that is SO exciting that you and your boyfriend are looking to buy a house!!

Yeah, just hang in there and we're here for you! Maybe try to think that in the long run grades won't matter, that's what I do when I feel stressed about school. Because who really looks at grades anyway. It's not gonna make or break you.

On another note, my friend that I REALLY like has seemed to have fallen for another (again). And this time it sounds like the real deal. So I have been fairly heartbroken but I probably shouldn't be. It's one of those weird "I knew it wouldn't happen but now that it's def not going to it SUCKS" deals. Sigh. Oh singledom.

Hey Lauren, Jamie is right- you can always talk to us!


I had an anxiety disorder too..don't know which one you had, but I hope that it works out ok.

Hang in there,buddy.

Tahleen, I can relate...I'm sorry.

Tahleen, Embrace your singledom. It's what I've had to do. Being blue about it isn't going to find you a guy any quicker. Just sit back and realize that someone even better is out there just waiting to meet you.

Tahleen..I felt like you do right now for a long time. It was so hard throughout most of college because I was always single and most of my friends were in relationships. For the first 2 years I was always "with" a guy/ talking to a guy..but then I would not want to commit. I guess I knew when it came down to it that I didn't like them. Then my junior year I thought I became a lost cause. My school was small and I thought i would never meet anyone because there was nobody new and the one guy I did actually like was with someone else. I kind of got bitter about it..and then I realized that I should enjoy the time and embrace it before I ever find someone. I realized that being blue about it (not that I'm saying it's what you are doing) was never going to attract a guy..but me being confident by myself (which was a struggle for most of my life because I ALWAYS had to have a guy to at least be talking with) would be so attractive to a guy. So..I really did embrace my singleness and then met my boyfriend when I wasn't looking for anything! Anyways..long story short. If you start to feel bummed about it..just think that being bummed isn't going to attract a guy..but a guy will be so attracted by your confidence in yourself and see how much fun you are having in life even though you are single right now..and he'll want to be with someone like that.

Jamie has it right! I always had a boyfriend during high school and for most of my freshman year. Then the guy and I broke up and it was really bewildering to not have a boyfriend. My sophomore year I had a friends with benefits thing going and that was really unsatisfying. I also almost started dating (or something) a few of guys, but couldn't get myself to commit. I later realized they those guys were big losers and I was attracted to the idea of them rather than them. I'm so glad my internal alarm went off and kept me from doing something I would have regretted.

Just be confident and be happy with where you are in your life. I look at it as a plus--I only have to worry about my crap, not someone else's and I can do what I want when I want without having to consider someone else's feelings. You don't really get to do that when you're in a relationship. Be selfish right now and pamper yourself--read, get manicures and pedicures, take long bubble baths and drink a glass of wine--whatever.

I would agree Tahleen. I'm going through that same thing right now. I recently started the 101 things in 1001 days challenge just to really focus on me being me and on being ok with single. I'm putting things on that list that i've wanted to do but couldn't previously do because i was attached at the hip to some guy! :)

hey I just started that too!!

Whats this 101 things in 1001 days?

I'm about halfway through my 101 Things in 1001 Days challenge! If you guys are blogging them, let me know and we can all support each other.

Roisu, it's a list of 101 things you want to do/challenge yourself to do in the next 1001 days. It can be anything you want.

Thanks Justine! Thats really interesting!