College Students! discussion

Have you ever been at the point when you feel like your friends are passing you by?
I found out on Saturday that my friend is pregnant, she's due in April. I'm super excited for her, but it's so strange to think that she's going to be a mother. She's only been married for about five months too, needless to say it was a bit of a surprise for them. lol. And one of my best friends got engaged over the weekend, she's getting married in January and moving to California-halfway across the country from us- because her fiance is in the Air Force. And if you've read the Randomness post you saw my message about needing a good present for a bridal shower this weekend? I found out today that they eloped over the weekend.

And then there is me. Just going to school and starting a career.

so? think of it in a good way, dont rush into it, i mean your friends maybe passing you by, but you are in control of your own destiny. Finish school and start your career, make money and build your reputation, establish yourself and then you can start thinking about kids or marriage, if you rush into it, then things will get tougher... i mean look at me, practically all my friends are enjoying life, or getting married, but i stay sharp with my goal of finishing school and making money....

Your sympathy is overwhelming, Gene.
:-P

Kimberly:
I am a big fan of waiting for things like marriage and especially for kids. Go to school, get a job, and have a stable life before you even think about kids. You want to give them the best life possible, and that means you have to have money to support them.
As for getting married, I'm all for long engagements. Getting married doesn't change the relationship, so why rush into it? It's lots of money and it doesn't even change the way you feel about each other. So if you are in a relationship but don't have the money right now, it's ok. If you need to find someone, I'd just say be more open to meeting people, especially people in your classes who might share common interests. Go to extracurricular things and meet your friends' friends. Just stay open to people and you'd be surprised who you'll find.
And remember, they aren't passing you by, they are just taking a different road than you are.

how is it overwhelming?

oh, oops

Thanks Emily and SBG (and Gene too I guess, lol). I really like how you put that, Emily. they aren't passing you by, they are just taking a different road than you are. Its a good way of thinking about it!
SBG- What are "crews"?

Its hard to think of my friends all getting married, but I'm in no hurry to get married myself. I'm not ready for that yet. I didn't mean to make it sound like I was unhappy with my life, I really am happy. I'm so lucky that I'm already starting my career and I'm only 20. It just feels... a little disorienting to be on such a different track than my friends. It used to be we were all students just trying to survive school. Now we're all doing different things and it takes adjusting to. (If that made any sense at all. :-P)

I recently just found out that my best friend has been talking behind my back alot..saying how annoying I am and how I think I'm so much better than other people. I don't think these things are true..at least other people who heard her say these things say that it isn't true. I'm just devastated. She's supposed to be my best friend. I don't know what could have made her do this. I don't know if it's that I've been spending less time with her due to making some friends at work or what. It's just hard. I'm going to call her out on it but I doubt we will speak again

I'm sorry Katerina. :( I hope things turn out okay for you in the end, which I'm sure they will. I've found that I don't have the time or patience to deal with people who aren't nice to me, or who are only nice when it suits them.

how do you know that these are real accusations, i mean did you walk in on her talking bad things behind your back or someone told you about it?

So... I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now. Here's the situation:
I've worked at this bookstore for almost 3 years. I love it, I have another job that is full time but I've kept this bookstore job because I wanted to work the Holiday Season. We got a new manager a few months ago and it hasn't been as pleasant to work there. She's more concerned with following the rules to the line than making the store more customer oriented, or making her employees feel valuable. But I still enjoy the job and decided to stick it out until the end of the year so I could work the season. Well yesterday I requested the day after Thanksgiving off. Just like I have every year. My family always has Thanksgiving at my Grandparents house, they live a day’s drive away. Well my manager told me that it was "her policy" to not let anyone have that day off. I've never had a problem getting it off before. It's never been a problem because we have plenty of people to cover shifts. So she'll be giving us short little 3 hour shifts to make sure that everyone works that day. She said there was no way I could have that day off. I have never been away from my family on Thanksgiving. So I have two choices, stay home and be alone on Thanksgiving, and miss what could possibly be my last Thanksgiving with my Grandparents. Or I could quit. Leave the job just when it gets to the time of the year I love most, and miss the chance to work with my closest friend that just got hired. My family is heartbroken that I might I have to miss Thanksgiving with them for a three hour shift. I considered either driving home or getting a flight home early but it would cost more for gas or a ticket than I would make in that shift.

Kimberly - Could you request to work the last three hours before the store closes? So if your store is open until 9pm could you ask to work 6-9? If not, I think I'd still go to Thanksgiving dinner with your family, especially if it's the last time you'll all be together.

I hope it works out for you!

Kimberly, which bookstore do you work at? B&N? I would call your manager's superior and complain anonymously about that. I know Thanksgiving isn't technically a religious holiday, but I think it's a law that you must be given time off for religious and personal reasons. That really doesn't sound legit to me... it sounds kind of illegal to do that.

Thanks Jen. Tahleen I actually don't work for B&N, I work for a small bookstore chain called Seagull Book.

I talked to my manager, I explained that it was a choice of keeping the job I loved and missing what could be my last Thanksgiving with my Grandparents. I asked if there was anything I could possibly do to work something out so I could have the day off. She told me no, that I would need to make a decision. Whether I wanted to "go visit" my Grandparents or keep my job. (she said that is such a condescending way too, I was sooo frustrated.) So I'm quiting. I hate that she put me into that position. I even work at a religious bookstore, its supposed to be family oriented. Yet she made me choose between my job and family. But it was time to get out anyway, I don't need the job anymore, and things haven't been all that great since this new manager came along. I'll miss working there, but it will be ok. I just wish it had ended in a better way than this. However, I am looking forward to not having to work Saturdays any more, so there is a bright spot in all of this!

I'm glad you chose your family. I love Seagull Book, but I always hear the employees complaining about managers. I'm really good friends with the employees at the SB near me because I go in 3-4 times a month and they complain about mean managers too! I'm glad you quit. Family is really important, much more than working the holiday season (which I don't like because school's always insane! I'd LOVE to quit mine before the holidays!). Enjoy your Saturdays!

Kimberly, kudos to you for making that tough decision. That manager sounds like an absolute nightmare--at least you'll have a good holiday season and will be spending more time with family and doing fun things on Saturdays.

Kimberly! I'm so glad you stuck up for yourself and did what was best for you! It was a tough position to be put in..but I think you went about it all in the right way!

wow, keep job or visit your grandparents? i would have sued her!!

Thank you, Jana, Tahleen and Jamie! And Gene, it's quite tempting. Not that I really would, but still... lol.

Silvia wrote: "I got this idea today. Yesterday I received really good news and I am boasting to tell somebody, anybody about it!

So this thread is for posting good news, bad news, problems, future goals, that..."

I'm so Jealous Silvia, I would love to study abroad for a bit. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in Florida for at least another year while I plan my escape. What made you want to study in England?

Speaking of terrible managers...I work for Starbucks and this past July, I was asked to "help out" a different store for a couple of days. Those couple of days soon turned into being scheduled there for a week, which then turned into "We might need you for a month," and before that month was even up, I was told I'd be staying there through the holidays. The manager at my current store transfered me into their computer system, so now I'm not considered an employee at my original store. However, my current manager told me that we could "re-evaluate" after the holidays and see if I want to stay there permanently, transfer back to my old store, or find a new one.

Recently, the manager at my old store requested to have me back, but my current boss basically said no. She said it was our district manager who said no, but I'm not completely buying it. I really feel like the circumstances of this transfer and "helping out" are suspicious because I was never asked if I wanted to stay at this new store. I've basically been TOLD that I'm staying. Even though my co-workers are pretty nice, I absolutely do not want to stay there. I was already upset when they said I'd be staying through the holidays! I've worked for this manager in the past when she had a lesser title and I hated it. She's exactly the same now as she was back then and I still hate working for her!

Can anyone tell me if this transfer is allowed? Does it violate my rights as an employee in any way? Because I did not agree to stay there permanently, but she is already talking to me about work as if I am staying past the holidays. I feel like I have been largely left out of a pretty big decision that affects me in some important ways. Not only do I hate the work environment and her management style, this store also receives really poor tips and I count on that money. The whole thing seems really fishy and unfair to me, so if there is something I can do to get myself out of this situation, please let me know!

Jes, I don't know if it's illegal or not, but it does sound really sketchy. I hope you find something out soon.

i actually never heard of that, it really sounds like maybe they are replacing you or something, i would maybe talk to a lawyer or something about it, i really do not know, if this is allowed because i never heard of it

Jes wrote: "Speaking of terrible managers...I work for Starbucks and this past July, I was asked to "help out" a different store for a couple of days. Those couple of days soon turned into being scheduled ther..."

I use to work at a coffee shop that would shift its employees around like that. I'm not sure if you have a "right" to refuse. I think you can threaten to quit, or you can ask politely for them to transfer you back to your original store...or anything in between those two options (suggest that you might quit if you don't get transferred back, etc). Unfortunately, usually the company has all the power in these cases when they can find employees fairly easily.

Hmm..I honestly don't know. I might try to ask a friend for you. He's a manager at Starbucks so he might now about that! Could you ask your old manager?

Thank you, everyone, for your input. It really seems like such a sticky situation because I've been asking around and no one seems to have a solid answer. I called my company's employee hotline to see if they could help me figure it out, but so far I'm still waiting on a response.

Jamie, I tried to ask my old manager about it but she pretty much avoided giving me a straight answer. The three management figures involved in the decision were my current boss, my former boss and their boss, the distict manager. Unfortunately, that district manager has since left the company all together and my former boss moved to southern California, leaving only my current boss with any knowledge of the original agreement(s). I'd ask her, but I don't trust her at all. She stabs people in the back all the time.

Jes--whatever happened with this??


Ok, so as most of you know, I graduated last year and I've been having a hard time finding a job and then I quit my job at Forever 21 and this job search has just been altogether a bad experience for me and it's really gotten me down.

Anyways, cross your fingers & toes, say a little prayer, send thoughts my way--WHATEVER you can do..because I just applied for 2 marketing jobs that sound right up my alley and to get either one of them would be awesome because I really need this experience!

Jamie, nothing really happened with my situation unfortunately. I made the call to the higher-ups and I haven't heard anything since, so I assume it's probably not going to be resolved. I had somewhat of a breakdown when I tried to talk to my parents about just quitting (this was a few weeks ago), but they advised me to stick with it for now and look for other opportunities in the mean time. It's gotten a little better at work, but it's mostly because I just try to ignore my boss and let her craziness roll right off of me. A lot of the time I just end up laughing at her now--privately, of course--because I figure I'm lucky that I'M not the one who's so nuts. ;)

Good luck, Jamie! I will most certainly pray for you and send you good vibes! I hope you get the job!!

Good luck Jamie!! GO TEAM

Daniel! Im sorry! I saw your November reply!!! I must admitt I have been so busy I've neglected Goodreads :( And yes studying abroad in England was an experience! It seems so long ago! I went there last January and came back in June!!! I just wanted to do something new and anywhere but in North America seemed like a plan to me! And I would be really happy being stuck in Florida :) Because right now all I see is snow!!! EEEK!

i see snow too!!!

Today was a good day. One of my closest friends got married. Becky and I have known each other since we were seven. The reception went perfectly, (I caught the bouquet!) and she looked beautiful. I'm torn between tears and jumping for joy. She'll be living in California now, her husband is in the Air Force and is stationed at a base out there. I'm not sure when I'll see her next. Which is really hard, because she was the friend that we'd randomly call each other and declare that night a "girls night" sometimes we'd watch a movie, or we'd just sit and talk for hours. We know each other so well that we know what the other one is thinking simply by looking at the others face. I'm going to miss her like crazy. But I am so happy for her. Her husband is a great guy, and he treats her like royalty, and also knows how to handle her when she gets into one of her moods. lol.
I’m just grateful for cell phones and the internet! It will make keeping in touch so much easier!

Good luck Jamie!

I'm glad you enjoyed yourself today Kimberly. You are lucky to be such good friends with someone.

Kimberly, what a bittersweet situation. You are all very lucky to have each other, I wish I had a friend that close! I'm sure it'll be easy to keep in touch with her.

My best friend got married this past summer and it is really bittersweet. I'm so happy for her but I miss our random date nights and just hanging out because she lived 5 minutes away. She only lives like 15 minutes away now but I don't see her as much. It really is a big effort. Your situation is different bc she won't be that close..but I'm sure if both of you make the effort your friendship can still stay very much intact. You'll just have to start new ways of keeping in touch and "traditions".

I'm so upset right now and I need to get it out.

So..some of you know that my boyfriend's dad has ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease.) He hasn't been doing well at all lately and it's been really hard. My boyfriend is on the bball team at his college and his dad always used to go to his games but he hasn't been able to because it's hard to get him out of the house because he can't move at all and his breathing has been bad. So, tonight is senior night (and my boyfriend is a senior) and my boyfriend was all excited because at least his dad was going to be able to come to to his last college basketball game. So, I just got off the phone with him and he sounded upset..so I was like what's wrong? And he was like, "Oh, well my dad can't come because he had a bad morning breathing wise." He is soo upset and it makes me so sad because basketball is something that is important to his dad and him and I feel so bad because nobody is going to be there for him tonight. I mean, I will be but I'm not his dad. I hate it because I can't do anything for him. I understand what he is going through because everything with my mom but it doesn't make me able to do anything for him. I've never heard my boyfriend this upset..he is normally so optimistic about things going on and he is just so upset and I just want to cry.

Jamie, I'm so sorry! I'll pray for all of you, I wish your boyfriend luck tonight and will hope for the best.

Thank you Tahleen.

That sucks Jamie. It would probably help if you could record it, then he and his dad could watch it together. I know that isn't the same, but it may help a little.

How close is your dad to him? Would he think it wierd if your dad went as a "parent".

Oh Jamie I am so sorry. I think Tami has a great idea, record it. Then they can watch it together. You, your boyfriend and his family are in my prayers.

Full disclosure here: I am TERRIBLE at making decisions... the. worst. decisionmaker. ever. I usually end up crying a lot... anywayyy...

For the past couple days I've been interviewing with this volunteer organization in Appalachia (about 4/5 hours from home) with the intention that I will be volunteering next year from August-May. The first day I wasn't really sure what to think.. I was scared of missing my friends/family mainly. But the next day I found a program that I was intrigued by and I was starting to feel really good about the decision I had made (I ended up not turning in any of my grad school applications... which is terrifying)

NOT 10 MINS AFTER I STARTED FEELING A SENSE OF PEACE I got a phone call from my supervisor in admissions. She told me that there was an admissions counselor position that just opened up and I was a forerunner for it.

I'm sooo conflicted! On the one hand: I LOVE my job. I work with awesome people and I love "showing off" my college. It would be easy (I think) to transition into working there. BUT there would be difficult parts.. like not really having a ton of friends outside of the academic world. I wouldn't be living on campus anymore and I wouldn't be as connected to my friends who still attend that college. Also, I think it's really easy to get "stuck" there... and what if I never went back to grad school b/c the transition was too much? BUT it would be nice to make some real money and possibly save up.

Now, this volunteer position would be out of my comfort zone. But people have nothing but positive things to say about it in the long run. But, wouldn't it be better to go ahead and get some sort of career on track? Am I waiting too long? I feel like I"m going to "run out of time." And what if I get stuck out there? Some volunteers just keep coming back and end up never leaving.

Both of these opportunities are tempting, but they're both also scary and were never EVER part of my "plan." I feel like no matter what I decide I'll regret not chosing the other!

I just had to vent, but if anyone wants to weigh in, feel free :)

So..I mentioned this before about my boyfriend's dad having Lou Gehrig's disease. I just wanted to let you know that he passed away yesterday. Please send your thoughts, prayers, etc. his way. It's been really really hard on all of us. It breaks my heart having to watch him go through this and it just brings up so many of my own memories of my mom's death. Just pray for strength for me because I am going to need it to not fall apart during all this. The services are Friday and Saturday (well, Friday is more of a private family viewing). So..it's going to be a rough week.

So..I will be MIA for a little bit. Lori knows and is taking care of everything for the group even though she is pretty busy.

Oh Jamie, I'm so sorry! I remember you were saying how bad he was getting... I will pray for you all.

And Lynn, that is a tough decision... I would say go with the volunteer opportunity, but that's just me.

Jamie, you and his family will be in my thoughts.

Lynn, I would also go with the volunteer. You are too young to really regret any choice but you have already gained experience in admissions and you know you like it, now you have the opportunity for experience elsewhere. Also there is plenty of time to make money and trust me the older you get the more important it becomes so I would also take the volunteer chance before you have piles and piles of bills

Oh Jamie I am so sorry. You're in my prayers.

Lynn, wow tough decision. Both sound like fantastic opportunities. I don't know if it will help you or not, but something that I do is I sit down and write out the pros and cons of each situation. It helps me to focus my thoughts and make a decision. But I think you will be happy with either one!

Jamie, I'm very sorry. You'll be in my thoughts as well.

Lynn - I agree with Kimberly, just try and think of pros and cons :)

Jamie, I'm so sorry! That's such a horrible disease! You'll be in my thoughts.

Jamie, I'm sorry to hear that. You'll be in my prayers.

Oh no, Jamie! I'm so sorry to hear that. I send hugs and kindness your way during this difficult experience.

Today my great-aunt had a stroke. It's unlikely that she'll wake up again, and if she does she'll have no chance at having a normal life again. She'll be blind and have other sorts of impairments. She was given her last rites today. :( I never knew my maternal grandmother (who died before I was born), and my paternal grandmother was a bitter old woman, to say the least. Aunt Flo (my great-aunt) was more of a grandmother to me than anyone else; she babysat me and taught me things about cooking and life and family. I'm so, so sad. Tomorrow I'll go back to the hospital and see her again, but we were told only to expect a decline.