College Students! discussion

Tahleen, I've had flaky friends before, too, and I just don't have the patience for it. I just can't see the point in setting myself up for disappointment when I know, or am at least pretty certain, that someone is going to bail on me. I can only let it go so many times before I figure, to hell with it! Anyone who can consistently make excuses to get out of our plans must not want to make them in the first place.

Jes, that's exactly right. I have a friend at home who didn't want to think that way and she's been disappointed many times; I think now she's gotten my point.

I think someone said this earlier and I'm too impatient to check, but I guess I'll say it again. I think it's just this time in our lives, after high school and in a few cases after college--we're off in the real world, getting jobs and not really going out and meeting people, so we feel like we're stuck with our old friends who aren't really our friends anymore because there is no one else.

mine is totally different, when my friends want me to hang with them, i am busy because their hang out schedules fall on Friday nights or saturday nights, which are not good for me because i work friday saturday and sunday all day(12 hrs) and when i get home i am drained and i usually want to relax and get to bed for work the next day, but when i wanna hang out they are busy. my one best friend works construction and he travels alot so his schedule i mess up usually and the last time i actually hung out with him was maybe after high school which was like 5 years ago, but we still keep in touch by facebook or texting, but it just sucks that i have work when my friends are able to hang out

i guess its just how it is in the real world there is no time for anything, or maybe things will get better after college i dont know

I AM ABSOLUTELY BEYOND FRUSTRATED!!! So I went away on exchange for 5 months in the UK. I had a real hard time with it, I spent about a month not talking to a single person there and ended up going to the library to study everyday (yep saturdays and sundays)and watching lots of online shows. I spent my 21st birthday alone in London but that was one day where I actually thrived in the solitude. My boyfriend back home talked to me for 5 months straight everynight and kept me going. This is where my frustration is coming from now!!!!!!!!!! My best friend called me once to tell me she was engaged. I was very excited for her! She messaged me about 5 times and 1 of the messages told me she was mad because I hadn't kept in touch with her, when the fact is I've always been ready to hang out with her. She blamed it on me being with my boyfriend.
I have been home for over 2 months now and she has not seen me. Every time I've called her she's been too busy hanging out with her boyfriend/fiance, going to like for days straight on end at his house or shes hanging out with his sister or shes hanging out with all these new married friends she has. She only suggested to hang out and it was with her and her fiance. I WANT TO SEE HER AND I MISS HER BUT I WANT SOME ALONE GIRL TIME! The only consiustent person in my life has been my boyfriend. I feel she looks down upon me because I have no marriage plans. The thing is I am 21, happy with where I am, I've studied abroad, seen a bit of the world and want to keep going and achieve a masters and then a phD and then settle down. I am happy with my boyfriend but I want to pursue my dreams first with him beside me.

I AM SO ANNOYED AND I FEEL LONELY AND I WANT FRIENDS THAT ARE GIRLS!!!

Silvia!! I am RIGHT there with you..seriously..i feel your pain. Different circumstances..but basically the same thing. My best friend just got married..so I can never see her anymore..but I always get the sense that she thinks its more my fault (I could be wrong). I see my boyfriend 2 times a week right now..so if I can hang out with him..THAT's what I'm going to do. I really just want a few girl friends..that's not too much to ask for is it??!

Silvia, that SUCKS!! She doesn't sound like she's being a very good friend right now. Maybe the wedding planning is stressing her out? And I totally feel you when you say she wants to invite her fiance along. I would suggest trying to reach her again (I know it's frustrating, but maybe this time it will be different! You never know!) and just tell her that you'd really like some girl time. Girl time is so so important I think. Definitely keep seeking it out and maybe it's time to find a new girlfriend to do these things with.

wow i guess i am not the only one, who is facbooking online and the conversations are bland, and i text once in a while, and never really be able to hang out with anyone, i know it is ridiculous, but its not the end of the world, yeah life sucks now with no friends but later when you succeed in life they will appear weither its at a bar or just on the street or whatever. But you will eventually bounce back and have friends and dont give up, stay strong and things will turn around for the better

I know how you all feel, its so frustrating! I think the college years are the best and the worst for friendships, you find out who your true friends are, and its also hard to keep some of them. For example, a few weeks ago was my birthday. My friend decided to take me out to dinner and then back to her house to paint our nails and do girly stuff. I invited one of my friends just to have her tell me that she was going to hang out with her boyfriend instead. They see each other EVERYDAY! I was just frustrated that she blew me off for a guy. I can understand if she didn't get to see him often, but she seems him all the time! Ugh. But we had a blast without her, we went to dinner and then went back to my friends house and painted our nails while we chatted and listened to Wicked and Mamma Mia. I was just kinda hurt that she didn't even want to come and be with me on my birthday. ( I don't mean to sound like a spoiled kid or anything...) But I know how it is to be blown off for a guy, its so so frustrating!

SBG No crying!!! We will rant it out! Us introverts will find friends HAHA! It is nice to see that we all go through the same problems and thanks for all the replies.

Jamie I agree some girlfirends would be nice. It is just a different atmosphere. It's wonderful to have a boyfriend to support you and talk to but sometimes having a friend that is a girl is a whole different bond that seems necessary.

Thanks Gene! I will be optimistic!

oh yeah some chicks not all are just selfish and clingy to their boyfriends and dont care about hurting their friends, but i do see how it pisses you off but i am glad you had a great birthday without her, i know she is your friend but a friend who blows you off from your birthday to see her boyfriend that she sees everyday is just not good, and its not a real friend

Ok, so I had a very frustrating day at work. At both my jobs. I love my job on the Air Force base, no problems there. Except with one coworker, she just frustrates me. She seems unable to see that I am an adult not a child just pretending to have a real job. She's also very negative, and doesn't work well with everyone else. She just gets along with me, and thats only because I pretend to. Ugh. But all my other coworkers are amazing. They work hard, have great attitudes and make working there a joy.
My real frustration comes from my other job, at the bookstore. Things have been kinda bad ever since we got our new manager. Today she called me in to tell me that they had taken official disciplinary actions against me, for some things that they had noticed. And it was just stupid stuff that came from her lack of communication. I explained all that to her, but there will still be a mark on my record because of this. I just wish she had just said, "hey, you need to vacuum at night because I don't do it anymore". I'd rather she just say something rather than let it build until it gets put on my official record. I have NEVER had people complain about me or my work ethic before, and it just bugs me that it happened. I always work to do my best at whatever job I'm given, and it kills me that someone thought that they needed to do something like this.

Gah, too much new stuff here! I will gripe with you all later today I promise!

Gene wrote:know she is your friend but a friend who blows you off from your birthday to see her boyfriend that she sees everyday is just not good, and its not a real friend "
That's just the problem, she IS a real friend. We've known each other since we were 7. When she isn't focused on her boyfriend, she's one of the most supportive and and dedicated friends you can ask for. She just seems to forget when she gets a boyfriend, she doesn't do it to be mean... She just doesn't think about it. In fact, last night I told her about what was happening at my job (she actually works with me) and she talked to me and then called later to check up on me.

Gene wrote: "my job is worse, ..."
Your job sounds so frustrating. I'm impressed that you put up with it so well. Though from the sounds of it, it sounds like its a job that you really don't mind doing, which is great.

Oh man everyone hang in there! Like we've all been saying (I think it's in the I AM SO PISSED! thread) we'll all get through this time in our lives of having friends who are not so loyal or whatever. Kimberly, maybe your friend had already made plans with her boyfriend and felt bad breaking them? I don't know what the situation was but that could be something to think about. If not than I'm really sorry, I'm glad you had a good birthday anyway! And SBG, don't worry, you will fall into a group of people or find someone who shares your passions and interests! It may not be right away, but good things come to those who wait, after all.

Tahleen wrote: "Oh man everyone hang in there! Like we've all been saying (I think it's in the I AM SO PISSED! thread) we'll all get through this time in our lives of having friends who are not so loyal or whateve..."

No, they didn't already have plans. It was one of those "I might be hanging out with him that night" type thing, but oh well she helped me yesterday so it kinda makes up for it. I was frustrated, but its really hard to stay mad at her. Especially when she shows up with my favorite Jamba Juice when I've had a bad day. :-P

I think as some point I had quite a few friends but recently we have been moving apart and I only really have 2 friends and a lot of really good acquaintances. One friend lives in my town the other is about 2 hours away and I know them from completely different circumstances but either one I can call up/text/whatever and they will know exactly what to do and I can do the same for them. I think that is the true value of a friend because even though we might not talk for weeks or months we are always there.

SBG I read all of it. I am so sorry your having a hard time with your mom. The talk sounds just awful. I am sure both your parents mean well and the only way they know how to react is with talking. I don't think that you should force a relationship. I find it very hard to make friends, but when I find the right one I just know. It's hard to explain. It is the friendships that you actually instaneously make that one works at without even trying. It seems like too much of an ordeal to try at a relationship with people that you just dont seem to mesh with or that do not share your views. I have met girls that have acted friendly enough but I knew better hat they looked down upon me and found some flaw to pick on.

The important thing SBG is that you are not lonely. You should stand proud of your independence and of your ability to apply your creativity to something productive like your writing. Dont let what your parents say bring you down. Listen to what they say but have your own opinion about it. The one important thing that you should take away from the talks is that your mom cares enough to try to come to a solution in her own way. Just try to stay positive because things always pass over and eventually the worries will go away. I find that being introverted comes with a lot of anxiety and I find myself constantly worrying. It is hard to stay strong and worry at the same time but all I say SBG is I understand how you feel and everything will be okay in time so just try if anything to stay positive.

Hey SBG, I'm sorry that you're having trouble with friends and your mom. Keep your chin up buddy, you're really brave. Things WILL get better.

Have you ever thought of having your parents and you in a neutral place to talk with a impartial mediator. Not necessarily a therapist, but someone that could stay independent and talk everything out? There may be someone at church that could help, but that would be chancy seeing as you aren’t feeling as connected with the church as you used to be.

It just seems like you are being too much an introvert when it comes to dealing with the parents too. They don't understand your side, because 1-they are caught up with their own point of view, and 2-you really aren't trying to get yours out there. You said you just sat there and didn't answer her. So maybe a mediator will help.

Good luck, I hope all works out.

SBG, it seems that you and I have quite a bit in common, except I'm usually an extrovert. But my mother is the same way. She gets these ideas in her head of what I should do, and then she just won't let it go. For example, she thinks I should take this religion class. (I want to take it, but didn't have room in my schedule) She has bugged me about it for a year, kept saying I'd meet someone to date if I took the class. (She met my dad there, so she thinks it’s this haven for eligible men). And she wanted me to quit the University's choir to do something else. She also wants me to cut my hair. She doesn't like long hair, and mine comes to the middle of my back. So every chance she gets, she nags me to cut my hair, telling me that it doesn't look good. But I like my hair, and I'll change it when I want to. (As a side note, she is the only person that doesn't like it, everyone else tells me not to cut it) And she can't make up her mind if she wants me to go out and do things. If I go out with friends, she complains, if I stay in, she says I should go out more. Ugh.

So I can understand how it feels, SBG. It is so frustrating to have your parents constantly on your case about one thing or another. Especially in your case, your mom thinks its unhealthy to not go out as much, but that’s because you enjoy solitude.
A couple of things that I've learned, if she comes into your room, leave. Make her follow you. Your room should be a place where you can have privacy. Another thing, try and get your license. You don't have to move out, but knowing that you could if you wanted to really helps.

I hope everything works out right for you.


I’m lucky though, my dad is amazing.

my dad died on the 31 of july and i'm still in utter shock about it. it's just so fucking weird that he's not there anymore =(

Oh no! I'm so sorry Franzz. :( If you need to talk we're here.

i am deeply sorry for your loss

Franzz wrote: "my dad died on the 31 of july and i'm still in utter shock about it. it's just so fucking weird that he's not there anymore =("

That is exactly how I felt when my mom died. I would try to rationalize this thought of her not being around and that it was real..but I just couldn't comprehend it. I am truly sorry for your loss. Honestly, if you ever need to talk, I'm totally here for you..feel free to PM me anytime. I would even give you my cell number if you wanted..because I really really understand what you are going through. :(

I'm so sorry Franzz. I've never been through the loss of a parent, but losing my Grandpa horrible. I was closer to him than I was my parents. I wanted to shove a pen up the nose of the next person who told me "he's in a better place" as much as I believe that is true, I did NOT want to hear it right then. It was so hard to adjust. I used to tell him everything. Something exciting would happen and I'd grab my phone to call him, only to remember he was gone. Or I'd get an email forward that he'd love, and almost start to type his email address in before I'd remember.

We're here for you, whatever you need.
*sends hugs your way*

i know how you feel, i lost a friend a few years ago due to a car accident, and when i heard about it i was in shock i mean i just talked to him like a few days earlier and to hear that he had lost his life in a few secs is just unreal, i couldnt believe it, i was crying for months and months, i was scared to drive or ride in a car, i didnt go anywhere and did not talk to anyone for months, i was depressed, it was just the hardest thing that i ever went through, and to this day i just think about him before i turn on my car to drive.

There are alot of good members in this group that are here for you to help you get through this

Franzz wrote: "my dad died on the 31 of july and i'm still in utter shock about it. it's just so fucking weird that he's not there anymore =("

Oh my god....I'm really sorry Franzz, that's terrible. *imaginary hug*

I'm so so sorry for your loss Franzz.

I am so sorry for your loss Franz.

Oh My God, Franzz, I am so sorry! I cannot even imagine what you must be going through right now. My dad's not around, but if anything happened to my mom I wouldn't be able to handle it. You might not be bothering with stuff online right now, but just know that we're all here for you if you want it, and that we're all sending you hugs and support. I am genuinely so sorry :(.

Sorry I am a little behind but I am so sorry Franzz. I can't even imagine what you and your family are going through. I agree with Mandee, we're all here for you!

thank you everyone for the kind words. i'm mostly just so angry. i mean, i'm a big kid, i know people die but he was 58 and all because some asshole doctor didn't know how to treat cancer. the funeral was really weird because they must have stuff his face or something, i dunno. he's looked nothing like he had for the last month of his life, he was so skinny..

I'd be angry too, Franzz. It's so hard to believe with all the medical advances we've made, we still haven't figured out a better way to beat cancer. I don't know what his doctor did, but I'm truly sorry.

I don't think I'd want to see a family member in an open casket. I mean, I know it's supposed to help with closure, but I don't know. I just don't think I'd want to.

I can understand your anger, Franzz. The idiot doctor that treated my Gramps for lung cancer somehow managed to miss that he had colon cancer, which had spread so far that it should have been picked up. Apparently it had been growing for TEN YEARS and the doctor somehow missed that.

ok, this is not something that i dont think is a big deal but i wanna let everyone know that i have been having weird pains in my head, i know that it is not a headache because i have had headaches, and they dont feel like this, this is something else. This started a few months after my car accident, it would occur for a few days and then leave, i am actually experiencing it right now as i type this few words. Sometimes the pain is not that bad and i can get through my day just fine, but there are other times when the pain is so strong i literally have tears in my eyes from it. Now i know most people would that going to the doctor would be the best possible course of action, but the pain lasts a day and it comes and goes, and lets face it he wont schedule an MRI unless he believes that its a good decision. There was another incident that i experienced at work a few weeks ago, where i had a spinning head all day long, i could see everything around me spinning, in the morning it was not that bad, but in the evening it got worse, but again it lasted a day. i am thinking about trying to go to the doctor to see if there is anything wrong with me..

ok, this is not something that i dont think is a big deal but i wanna let everyone know that i have been having weird pains in my head, i know that it is not a headache because i have had headaches, and they dont feel like this, this is something else. This started a few months after my car accident, it would occur for a few days and then leave, i am actually experiencing it right now as i type this few words. Sometimes the pain is not that bad and i can get through my day just fine, but there are other times when the pain is so strong i literally have tears in my eyes from it. Now i know most people would think that going to the doctor would be the best possible course of action, but the pain lasts a day and it comes and goes, and lets face it he wont schedule an MRI unless he believes that its a good decision. There was another incident that i experienced at work a few weeks ago, where i had a spinning head all day long, i could see everything around me spinning, in the morning it was not that bad, but in the evening it got worse, but again it lasted a day. i am thinking about trying to go to the doctor to see if there is anything wrong with me..

Gene, I know a girl who had a car accident and had similar migraines afterward. I would definitely go to the doctor, I think it's a serious enough condition that he would take it seriously enough to get an MRI.

thanks alot for the support and i will definitly take your comment into consideration

thanks alot for the support and i will definitly take your comment into consideration

You're welcome, good luck! I hope it's nothing serious, let us know what happens.

ok i will

Gene, I would definitely go to the doctor's to check it out! I feel as though if there is something abnormal happening within your body that you should probably go..it's your body's way of telling you that something is off..whether or not it's just something little or a big deal. I hope that your pain will subside a little bit until you can get to the doctor! Keep us updated!

Gene..go to the doctors! don't mess around with your health!

I'm with everyone else, Gene, definitely go see the doctor. I vaguely remember hearing that if anything feels wrong or different in regards to your head (something other than a normal headache, which is what this sounds like) that is a definite red flag that you need to go to the doctor. I hope you feel better soon!

Gene you have to go to the doctors just to be safe and maybe even to prevent something worse from happening. Be smart about it and go! Nothing is stopping you! Goodluck and keep us updated :P

Gene, you should really take a trip to the doctor. We all care about you, just go and get it checked out.

dont worry everyone i am going to the doctor on tuesday i will keep you informed of the situation

Gene- Good, make sure you do.