Jan Marquart's Blog, page 5
February 29, 2012
When Writing Hurts
From childhood most of us are taught and trained not to hurt the feelings of others. The saying: sticks and stones might break my bones, but words will never harm me, is not true. Every child knows that.
As adults we can honestly say that even with good intentions to never hurt anyone -- we do. We all know the sting of words. But we also know the healing power of them. And we know that the written word is particularly powerful.
Sometimes we must confront, confess, and reveal, and despite every precaution to hurt we can wind up hurting someone. So whose problem is it if someone gets hurt because of our words? No one really escapes culpability despite the best of intentions. But this fear of hurting someone is fatal to a writer.
Take it one step further. You desire to write your memoir. You have lessons to pay forward; you have memories to share; you have secrets to get off your chest in order to heal. But I ask you: are you not writing because your decision is based upon the fear of not taking the courageous stand to speak your mind about you own life? Memoirs, just like the act of living itself, demands courage, integrity, dignity, and moving on.
When I wrote my memoir, The Breath of Dawn, I had every good wish for my friends because they had helped me recover from a stroke and had supplied me with great love and devotion for whatever I needed during the entire process from hospitalization to rehabilitation to home. I had every intention of praising them and even mentioned outright what angels all my friends were. I was so excited to write a positive book about the help they gave me that I sent each of them a copy with a heart filled with joy.
Nevertheless, I had one dear dear dear friend who mentioned how hurt she was. She thought I had portrayed her in a bad light. I was stunned and thrown off balance. I had not one cell in my body that wanted to cause her pain. Instead I wanted everyone to feel the special person that she was.
My point is that even in the best of circumstances people will read your memoir from their own perspective. There is no way to circumvent that. If you want to write your memoir and you absolutely for certain know that someone will be offended, just mention in your sentences that your honesty is not meant to hurt anyone. And study your words before printing. If in all honesty your words slander and you have the intention to get even, get back at, or make publicly known something someone did -- then you reap what you sow. Change your words if they do not match your intention.
Introductions to memoirs are a great place to state your intention for writing what others are about to read. Preface the purpose of the book. Then write what you want to write.
Readers learn from memoirs. We not only enjoy reading about the lives of others, we need it. Memoirs give us examples of how to live and allow us to re-think our own thoughts and actions. Often people who wind up with hurt feelings eventually come through to their own healing because of it. Often good comes from honesty that stings.
There are many ways to heal and overcome hurt feelings. Trying to prevent hurt feelings is living in fear of an outcome that didn't happen yet. This is dangerous to any healthy person let alone someone who needs to write something to heal from the inside out.
If fear is what is tripping you up from writing your memoir, here are a few suggestions that I've heard other authors do:
1. talk to the person suspected of getting hurt about the book first, or
2. allow the person to read it before printing and let them suggest changes that might be made in order for them to feel better, or
3. promise the real name of the person won't be revealed, or
4. omit the painful part if it wasn't crucial to the purpose of the book.
I'm sure you can come up with other solutions but those are some of the few I've heard when I attended book signings by authors who had problems with writing their memoirs.
Go pick up your pen -- your life is worth telling. You just might have learned a lesson we all need to hear.
Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
As adults we can honestly say that even with good intentions to never hurt anyone -- we do. We all know the sting of words. But we also know the healing power of them. And we know that the written word is particularly powerful.
Sometimes we must confront, confess, and reveal, and despite every precaution to hurt we can wind up hurting someone. So whose problem is it if someone gets hurt because of our words? No one really escapes culpability despite the best of intentions. But this fear of hurting someone is fatal to a writer.
Take it one step further. You desire to write your memoir. You have lessons to pay forward; you have memories to share; you have secrets to get off your chest in order to heal. But I ask you: are you not writing because your decision is based upon the fear of not taking the courageous stand to speak your mind about you own life? Memoirs, just like the act of living itself, demands courage, integrity, dignity, and moving on.
When I wrote my memoir, The Breath of Dawn, I had every good wish for my friends because they had helped me recover from a stroke and had supplied me with great love and devotion for whatever I needed during the entire process from hospitalization to rehabilitation to home. I had every intention of praising them and even mentioned outright what angels all my friends were. I was so excited to write a positive book about the help they gave me that I sent each of them a copy with a heart filled with joy.
Nevertheless, I had one dear dear dear friend who mentioned how hurt she was. She thought I had portrayed her in a bad light. I was stunned and thrown off balance. I had not one cell in my body that wanted to cause her pain. Instead I wanted everyone to feel the special person that she was.
My point is that even in the best of circumstances people will read your memoir from their own perspective. There is no way to circumvent that. If you want to write your memoir and you absolutely for certain know that someone will be offended, just mention in your sentences that your honesty is not meant to hurt anyone. And study your words before printing. If in all honesty your words slander and you have the intention to get even, get back at, or make publicly known something someone did -- then you reap what you sow. Change your words if they do not match your intention.
Introductions to memoirs are a great place to state your intention for writing what others are about to read. Preface the purpose of the book. Then write what you want to write.
Readers learn from memoirs. We not only enjoy reading about the lives of others, we need it. Memoirs give us examples of how to live and allow us to re-think our own thoughts and actions. Often people who wind up with hurt feelings eventually come through to their own healing because of it. Often good comes from honesty that stings.
There are many ways to heal and overcome hurt feelings. Trying to prevent hurt feelings is living in fear of an outcome that didn't happen yet. This is dangerous to any healthy person let alone someone who needs to write something to heal from the inside out.
If fear is what is tripping you up from writing your memoir, here are a few suggestions that I've heard other authors do:
1. talk to the person suspected of getting hurt about the book first, or
2. allow the person to read it before printing and let them suggest changes that might be made in order for them to feel better, or
3. promise the real name of the person won't be revealed, or
4. omit the painful part if it wasn't crucial to the purpose of the book.
I'm sure you can come up with other solutions but those are some of the few I've heard when I attended book signings by authors who had problems with writing their memoirs.
Go pick up your pen -- your life is worth telling. You just might have learned a lesson we all need to hear.
Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
February 25, 2012
Heal Your Secrets
Have you ever heard the saying: you are only as sick as your secrets? Do you know why secrets have enormous power and ability to incite sickness and keep you ill?
Think of it like this: you have a secret, maybe you stole something, stalked someone, borrowed money and never returned it, lied about someone, used your words to damage someone's reputation . . . the list is endless.
Now think of what these secrets do to your energy. They can sit on your mind like a rock that tumbles from time to time into your consciousness. They can clog your sense of freedom by restricting the flow of energy in your stomach or chest. No one keeps a secret without some repercussion in the body. NO ONE! Eventually, this energy which blocks, clogs, interrupts and breaks peace of mind incites disease or simply dis-ease. There is no way secrets can do anything else.
Think back to something you did or said in sneaky or lying ways that hurt someone, something that you have kept hidden inside you. You might have done or said something that you believed you were doing to heal some wound inside yourself to make your life better and -- who doesn't want that? But deep down in your being, heart, or mind you knew the deed or words were not wholesome or right behavior. You knew you were being cowardly in approaching your own feelings face on.
Want to rid yourself of these toxic secrets that are making you sick, you know the ones because each time they come up you shove them back down into your mind and body? Here's how to do it:
Take a minute and sit in a quiet place, take a walk or sit in the bathtub -- someplace where you won't be bothered.
Focus on what you did or said. Pull up the secret in all its facets and if you are able write down every facet that comes to mind. Write down what you got out of the incident, what you knew you did to the other person, what your intentions were, and how you feel about it now. Write down what feelings and thoughts surface when these secrets rear their ugly backsides into your moments.
Then write down what you can do to release that secret. This is the challenging part because most people feel too much ego pride to admit that they could possibly have hurt someone even when that was what their intentions were. They make excuses and stupid justifications in their minds that just feed the ego while they suffer. Make a list of options you can do to rid the secret from your physical, spiritual, and mental bodies. Your list might look something like this:
1. return stolen items with apology and check for the trouble you caused.
2. return the items anonymously
3. send an apology
4. send a check
5. make a phone call to speak with the person
Now keep going with options. Examine how you feel just thinking about taking right action. Doing any of this does not mean re-establishing a relationship. What it does mean is that you are ready to heal yourself.
Let me know how it is going --
Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
Think of it like this: you have a secret, maybe you stole something, stalked someone, borrowed money and never returned it, lied about someone, used your words to damage someone's reputation . . . the list is endless.
Now think of what these secrets do to your energy. They can sit on your mind like a rock that tumbles from time to time into your consciousness. They can clog your sense of freedom by restricting the flow of energy in your stomach or chest. No one keeps a secret without some repercussion in the body. NO ONE! Eventually, this energy which blocks, clogs, interrupts and breaks peace of mind incites disease or simply dis-ease. There is no way secrets can do anything else.
Think back to something you did or said in sneaky or lying ways that hurt someone, something that you have kept hidden inside you. You might have done or said something that you believed you were doing to heal some wound inside yourself to make your life better and -- who doesn't want that? But deep down in your being, heart, or mind you knew the deed or words were not wholesome or right behavior. You knew you were being cowardly in approaching your own feelings face on.
Want to rid yourself of these toxic secrets that are making you sick, you know the ones because each time they come up you shove them back down into your mind and body? Here's how to do it:
Take a minute and sit in a quiet place, take a walk or sit in the bathtub -- someplace where you won't be bothered.
Focus on what you did or said. Pull up the secret in all its facets and if you are able write down every facet that comes to mind. Write down what you got out of the incident, what you knew you did to the other person, what your intentions were, and how you feel about it now. Write down what feelings and thoughts surface when these secrets rear their ugly backsides into your moments.
Then write down what you can do to release that secret. This is the challenging part because most people feel too much ego pride to admit that they could possibly have hurt someone even when that was what their intentions were. They make excuses and stupid justifications in their minds that just feed the ego while they suffer. Make a list of options you can do to rid the secret from your physical, spiritual, and mental bodies. Your list might look something like this:
1. return stolen items with apology and check for the trouble you caused.
2. return the items anonymously
3. send an apology
4. send a check
5. make a phone call to speak with the person
Now keep going with options. Examine how you feel just thinking about taking right action. Doing any of this does not mean re-establishing a relationship. What it does mean is that you are ready to heal yourself.
Let me know how it is going --
Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
February 20, 2012
It's Your Best Relationship
My previous blog discussed the writer's inner voice, how to listen to it and give it a chance to speak its authentic self. I discussed allowing the inner voice to be louder than a whisper and to allow its scream to stretch out across the empty page. Such an extraordinary event. For many though it is a Sisyphean adventure. But don't readers love to hear that voice that has been tucked away for so long speak out as they identify with it in the reading and start to, through osmosis, become free and whole as well.
Today, I want to go deeper. I want to address your relationship with the empty page. Much has been written about tackling the fear of the empty page or the deer-in-the-headlights-look that writers express when they sit with poised pen and then -- nothing. But nothing works best like a good hearty act of self-exploration.
Writing the authentic self can seem as intricate as a science experiment. I often wonder how the person sitting with frozen pen and thoughts thinks of the writing process in that moment. And I have already written my philosophy about it in, The Mindful Writer, Still the Mind, Free the Pen www.createspace.com/3546101. But something is still amiss. I know writer's block is a psychological state of mind. It is not just frozen characters or that inner voice getting smaller and smaller.
So let me ask you this? What is your relationship with the blank page? Does the blank page seem as an enemy? Is it something that will devour you and make your life miserable? Is it felt as a place that truly is uninterested in what you have to say, what your stories are, what creative ideas you have? I get curiouser and curiouser as the saying goes when I hear people who want to write but stop as if they are meeting a robber in a dark alley.
If your empty page were a person - who would it be? If your empty page were a feeling - what would it be. If your empty page were a belief - what would it be saying? Find out the hidden laws your mind dictates to you about the blank page and then write to me at [email protected]. Then re-create the relationship you want so you can write to your heart's content.
If I say there is nothing to fear but fear itself would that help? I didn't think so. Challenge yourself to look further into your reactions to the empty piece of paper. Remove the tethers. Set yourself free. Let your mind relax, your soul speak, your muse play, and your pen move.
Until next time,
Jan
Today, I want to go deeper. I want to address your relationship with the empty page. Much has been written about tackling the fear of the empty page or the deer-in-the-headlights-look that writers express when they sit with poised pen and then -- nothing. But nothing works best like a good hearty act of self-exploration.
Writing the authentic self can seem as intricate as a science experiment. I often wonder how the person sitting with frozen pen and thoughts thinks of the writing process in that moment. And I have already written my philosophy about it in, The Mindful Writer, Still the Mind, Free the Pen www.createspace.com/3546101. But something is still amiss. I know writer's block is a psychological state of mind. It is not just frozen characters or that inner voice getting smaller and smaller.
So let me ask you this? What is your relationship with the blank page? Does the blank page seem as an enemy? Is it something that will devour you and make your life miserable? Is it felt as a place that truly is uninterested in what you have to say, what your stories are, what creative ideas you have? I get curiouser and curiouser as the saying goes when I hear people who want to write but stop as if they are meeting a robber in a dark alley.
If your empty page were a person - who would it be? If your empty page were a feeling - what would it be. If your empty page were a belief - what would it be saying? Find out the hidden laws your mind dictates to you about the blank page and then write to me at [email protected]. Then re-create the relationship you want so you can write to your heart's content.
If I say there is nothing to fear but fear itself would that help? I didn't think so. Challenge yourself to look further into your reactions to the empty piece of paper. Remove the tethers. Set yourself free. Let your mind relax, your soul speak, your muse play, and your pen move.
Until next time,
Jan
February 18, 2012
You Cannot Shut This Up!
One of my most frustrating experiences as a teacher of writing is when I stand in front of students and watch them snuff silent their inner voices.
I've heard many excuses:
I'll hurt someone if I say the truth.
What if people stop loving me?
Who wants to hear my story?
No one will like me anymore.
This list is inexhaustible.
And, unfortunately, these terrifying beliefs can hold a truth about a real outcome. However, for someone aching to write the truth about his or her own life and not doing it can be crippling. This is where holding onto painful secrets makes emotional disease.
I wish I had a magic pill for this level of self-oppression but the only magic I know is to pick up the pen and write. There is something wonderful that occurs when you can see your words in your own handwriting spill the secret onto the page. To see the secret exposed is like watching the wicked witch of the west get doused with a bucket of water.
So if you are one of those self-oppressed writers who has difficulty coming to grips with wanting or needing to write and expose something you lived through, think of this: you can always burn the pages, bury them with prayers, shred them with your old checks, put them in a safe-deposit box. This is your experience and you can take control of them in whatever way you see fit. Keeping the experience a secret simply maintains the secret's control over you.
Sometimes the worst fear happens. Someone gets hurt or someone doesn't speak to you anymore. But hurt feelings can be repaired and forgiveness can take place. Often that process takes time but you deserve to be released from a gripping painful secret. And if you have a burning ache to let go of the experience through writing--know this: writing does not mean making it public for all to read. Do something with the pages so no one can read them.
Don't go it alone. Get support from a friend or other writers. Email me and let me walk you through it. I've seen many good books not get written because the fear of unwanted outcomes overrides a healthy decision to face the truth. And sometimes, by putting events out in the open that were known by others anyway get healed and everyone benefits.
It's your call. Summon your courage, write, then decide what you want to do with your work. But first - write!
Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
I've heard many excuses:
I'll hurt someone if I say the truth.
What if people stop loving me?
Who wants to hear my story?
No one will like me anymore.
This list is inexhaustible.
And, unfortunately, these terrifying beliefs can hold a truth about a real outcome. However, for someone aching to write the truth about his or her own life and not doing it can be crippling. This is where holding onto painful secrets makes emotional disease.
I wish I had a magic pill for this level of self-oppression but the only magic I know is to pick up the pen and write. There is something wonderful that occurs when you can see your words in your own handwriting spill the secret onto the page. To see the secret exposed is like watching the wicked witch of the west get doused with a bucket of water.
So if you are one of those self-oppressed writers who has difficulty coming to grips with wanting or needing to write and expose something you lived through, think of this: you can always burn the pages, bury them with prayers, shred them with your old checks, put them in a safe-deposit box. This is your experience and you can take control of them in whatever way you see fit. Keeping the experience a secret simply maintains the secret's control over you.
Sometimes the worst fear happens. Someone gets hurt or someone doesn't speak to you anymore. But hurt feelings can be repaired and forgiveness can take place. Often that process takes time but you deserve to be released from a gripping painful secret. And if you have a burning ache to let go of the experience through writing--know this: writing does not mean making it public for all to read. Do something with the pages so no one can read them.
Don't go it alone. Get support from a friend or other writers. Email me and let me walk you through it. I've seen many good books not get written because the fear of unwanted outcomes overrides a healthy decision to face the truth. And sometimes, by putting events out in the open that were known by others anyway get healed and everyone benefits.
It's your call. Summon your courage, write, then decide what you want to do with your work. But first - write!
Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
February 15, 2012
Who's In Charge?
Let me say right from the beginning: doctors are wonderful. The allopathic medical profession does amazing things for the health of human kind. But we cannot leave out wellness into the hands of anyone else. We must take charge in some way and in some manner to heal our own bodies.
When I had a stroke from herbs in 1988 I was in great shape. I was fit as a fiddle as it is said. I jogged, skied, did yoga daily, lifted weights and went swimming at a health club each night after work. I was a walking example of health. I was 38 years old. I felt I was in the prime of my life.
I bought an herbal formula to help my thinning hair that reached to my thighs. In drinking the herbal formula for three days as I was told as a tea, by the fourth day I had a stroke-like-event. The details are in my book The Breath of Dawn, a Journey of Everyday Blessings. www.createspace.com/3546000
Although I lived alone, as luck would have it, I was at a new boyfriend's house in the mountains. Ironically I lived across the street from the hospital. As I was wheeled into the ER I quickly started losing all ability to function. I was totally surrendered to the capable hands of the medical profession. I praise them because I knew they saved my life.
But the actual healing part, I began to realize as I awoke from a coma, was in my hands and the use of my mind. While the doctors spoke over my inactive voice stories of gloom for my future, I saw myself running on the beach in a long cotton dress, my straw hat upon my head with the water glistening from the bright sun. I kept my mind as active as my concentration allowed making sure every thought was put on a healing vision.
I surrounded my body with green light and only let positive people in the hospital room. When someone with a negative attitude, fearful that I might die entered the room, I broke out in a wail and the nurses had to remove that person. I knew I could die at any moment. I needed the energy to remain positive.
My recovery happened. That was amazing enough. But my expected stay in the rehabilitation facility which was deemed to take three months, took three weeks. I spent every minute I had telling the staff what I needed, refusing the things that depressed me, and reading, albeit only one sentence a night because of my inability to concentrate, positive and healing books.
I have been told my book The Breath of Dawn www.createspace.com/3546000 has changed lives. As soon as I got home I taught myself to type again. That was 1988 and I only owned a small Smith-Corona typewriter. My hand couldn't write well but I practiced my letters with a huge Styrofoam pad around a pen so I could grip it and wrote furiously for as long as I could which usually lasted about 45 seconds. I felt obsessed with having to write my story, not just for my own healing but because I was healing and overcoming obstacles I felt obliged to pass on. The experience was so big that there was no way I could not give it up to others.
I would love to hear what you think about my story and if it relates to you or someone you know who has suffered at the hands of an illness or traumatic injury. My rehabilitation doctor said my book changed the way he viewed his clients and staff.
Until next time,
When I had a stroke from herbs in 1988 I was in great shape. I was fit as a fiddle as it is said. I jogged, skied, did yoga daily, lifted weights and went swimming at a health club each night after work. I was a walking example of health. I was 38 years old. I felt I was in the prime of my life.
I bought an herbal formula to help my thinning hair that reached to my thighs. In drinking the herbal formula for three days as I was told as a tea, by the fourth day I had a stroke-like-event. The details are in my book The Breath of Dawn, a Journey of Everyday Blessings. www.createspace.com/3546000
Although I lived alone, as luck would have it, I was at a new boyfriend's house in the mountains. Ironically I lived across the street from the hospital. As I was wheeled into the ER I quickly started losing all ability to function. I was totally surrendered to the capable hands of the medical profession. I praise them because I knew they saved my life.
But the actual healing part, I began to realize as I awoke from a coma, was in my hands and the use of my mind. While the doctors spoke over my inactive voice stories of gloom for my future, I saw myself running on the beach in a long cotton dress, my straw hat upon my head with the water glistening from the bright sun. I kept my mind as active as my concentration allowed making sure every thought was put on a healing vision.
I surrounded my body with green light and only let positive people in the hospital room. When someone with a negative attitude, fearful that I might die entered the room, I broke out in a wail and the nurses had to remove that person. I knew I could die at any moment. I needed the energy to remain positive.
My recovery happened. That was amazing enough. But my expected stay in the rehabilitation facility which was deemed to take three months, took three weeks. I spent every minute I had telling the staff what I needed, refusing the things that depressed me, and reading, albeit only one sentence a night because of my inability to concentrate, positive and healing books.
I have been told my book The Breath of Dawn www.createspace.com/3546000 has changed lives. As soon as I got home I taught myself to type again. That was 1988 and I only owned a small Smith-Corona typewriter. My hand couldn't write well but I practiced my letters with a huge Styrofoam pad around a pen so I could grip it and wrote furiously for as long as I could which usually lasted about 45 seconds. I felt obsessed with having to write my story, not just for my own healing but because I was healing and overcoming obstacles I felt obliged to pass on. The experience was so big that there was no way I could not give it up to others.
I would love to hear what you think about my story and if it relates to you or someone you know who has suffered at the hands of an illness or traumatic injury. My rehabilitation doctor said my book changed the way he viewed his clients and staff.
Until next time,
February 14, 2012
Let It Go!
Okay, so I'm talking to a new supervisor at work and he tells me he is thin-skinned. I stare into his chocolate Black-American/Hawaiian skin and wonder how this seemingly 'together' man could say such a thing. I try to tease him, lightly I might add, and he comes to near tears. Then he asserts that there are times when he must leave a conversation because he cannot tolerate how people hurt him. He recounts stories of his childhood in which he was traumatically teased and for which he has never recovered.
I can tell you that his pain took a place in my heart and I wanted to cry for him. I knew there was no where to go with the conversation because he had completely shut down, retreated to that place where you re-visit hell, and all I could do was sit in silence and look at him with compassion and caring. If it were anything other than a work situation I might have given him a warm hug because certainly I believed he needed one.
After about five minutes he got up and left my desk area. And the saddest part of this for me was that he now has the option to sit with his pain differently. He has the option to not allow his pain to define him. He has the option to say the past is the past and I can now move out of the trauma, re-name myself, move on, and heal. I'm not saying he will ever forget; I'm saying that he can transform the hurt into wisdom and a new experience of himself.
How do I know this can be accomplished? Because I have accomplished it myself and I sit with indefatigable passion as I write this. I have written about it in my book Write to Heal which can only be ordered through my site: www.JanMarquart.com and sells for $8.99. It is 78 pages. I have written about the process in detail through my novel The Basket Weaver which can be ordered at the above website, Amazon, or www.creatspace.com/3553668.
I know the place of hell I saw in this man's eyes and body language. I have lived it at times too. I know you would have felt it also because it is a common childhood experience, too common I might add, and it was as if I were hearing the screams of victims from all over the world.
Carolyn Myss speaks to this when she says that holding onto victimology prevents healing. I truly believe that is true.
Write to Heal is a self-help book; The Basket Weaver is defined as a novel but it is truly a book of creative-non-fiction.
I invite readers of this to email me, strike up a conversation, purchase my books and comment to me about what you think.
Until next time,
Jan
I can tell you that his pain took a place in my heart and I wanted to cry for him. I knew there was no where to go with the conversation because he had completely shut down, retreated to that place where you re-visit hell, and all I could do was sit in silence and look at him with compassion and caring. If it were anything other than a work situation I might have given him a warm hug because certainly I believed he needed one.
After about five minutes he got up and left my desk area. And the saddest part of this for me was that he now has the option to sit with his pain differently. He has the option to not allow his pain to define him. He has the option to say the past is the past and I can now move out of the trauma, re-name myself, move on, and heal. I'm not saying he will ever forget; I'm saying that he can transform the hurt into wisdom and a new experience of himself.
How do I know this can be accomplished? Because I have accomplished it myself and I sit with indefatigable passion as I write this. I have written about it in my book Write to Heal which can only be ordered through my site: www.JanMarquart.com and sells for $8.99. It is 78 pages. I have written about the process in detail through my novel The Basket Weaver which can be ordered at the above website, Amazon, or www.creatspace.com/3553668.
I know the place of hell I saw in this man's eyes and body language. I have lived it at times too. I know you would have felt it also because it is a common childhood experience, too common I might add, and it was as if I were hearing the screams of victims from all over the world.
Carolyn Myss speaks to this when she says that holding onto victimology prevents healing. I truly believe that is true.
Write to Heal is a self-help book; The Basket Weaver is defined as a novel but it is truly a book of creative-non-fiction.
I invite readers of this to email me, strike up a conversation, purchase my books and comment to me about what you think.
Until next time,
Jan
February 12, 2012
Love
This week more than ever love is will be on everyone's mind. Flowers and chocolates, jewelry and cards will be purchased at alarming rates.
But how about giving a book that speaks to love and success triumphing over heartaches and setbacks?
Check out my book Kate's Way. You can read some of it on Amazon. Please purchase it on www.createspace.com/3498926. The ebook copy is sold on Amazon.
Have a loving Valentine's Day everyone.
until next time,
jan
But how about giving a book that speaks to love and success triumphing over heartaches and setbacks?
Check out my book Kate's Way. You can read some of it on Amazon. Please purchase it on www.createspace.com/3498926. The ebook copy is sold on Amazon.
Have a loving Valentine's Day everyone.
until next time,
jan
February 11, 2012
Is it Creative Writing?
Can you write a story and not have it be creative? Yup. Ever read a story that left you wanting to do something else in the middle of it? Don't you want a reader to give your written work undivided attention?
Watch what happens when you read. Study sentences for what they make you feel and try to identify why they make you react.
Here is an excerpt from my book Kate's Way. (www.createspace.com/3498926 now also an ebook.)
I started to back down the driveway when Richard’s car appeared. A woman in the front seat with blond hair pulled tightly back in a pony tail, mascara smeared in the corner of one eye, bent her head as I looked into the car. I wanted to look her in the eyes, let her see the woman whose marriage she broke to pieces. In her mind I was the other woman, and I had an unnerving desire for her to know me, know what she did to me, make her suffer too. I wanted to sear her eyes with my glare. She didn’t look like Richard’s type. She looked like a mix between a bull dog and a pit bull. Richard casually waved as if I wasn’t staring into the reason he broke up our marriage.
Imagine the paragraph read like this:
Richard's car pulled up with a blonde woman in the front seat. It broke my heart.
Which paragraph sounds more impactful? Why? What is it about the first paragraph that is so different from the second?
Here are a few sentences to compare:
'I enjoyed the ham sandwich' versus 'I enjoyed the ham sandwich knowing dad didn't have to slaughter miss piggy to make it.'
Which one sounds creative to you and what sentence resonates with your gut? I tell my students that to write something that makes a perfectly good and accurately stated sentence does not mean it is going to knock my socks off. What writer doesn't want to impact a reader so deeply that she doesn't take the impressions of your words into her day?
What do you think of these sentences?
I chose the green pen. versus
I chose the green pen that Aunt Helen held in her trembling hand as she wrote her last words.
He kissed me as I hoped he would. versus
He kissed me as I hoped he would because I had already decided if he didn't make my world shake that would be the last kiss he could ever make upon my lips.
Puppup was the smartest dog I ever owned. versus Puppup was the smartest dog I ever owned because he woke me up just in time as the bacon fat began a small fire on top of the stove.
Maybe my quick examples aren't the best in town but I hope I'm making the point just the same.
Read your written work aloud and as you do notice what your gut says. If it doesn't feel something I'd say rewrite them to create more than just a telling.
Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
Watch what happens when you read. Study sentences for what they make you feel and try to identify why they make you react.
Here is an excerpt from my book Kate's Way. (www.createspace.com/3498926 now also an ebook.)
I started to back down the driveway when Richard’s car appeared. A woman in the front seat with blond hair pulled tightly back in a pony tail, mascara smeared in the corner of one eye, bent her head as I looked into the car. I wanted to look her in the eyes, let her see the woman whose marriage she broke to pieces. In her mind I was the other woman, and I had an unnerving desire for her to know me, know what she did to me, make her suffer too. I wanted to sear her eyes with my glare. She didn’t look like Richard’s type. She looked like a mix between a bull dog and a pit bull. Richard casually waved as if I wasn’t staring into the reason he broke up our marriage.
Imagine the paragraph read like this:
Richard's car pulled up with a blonde woman in the front seat. It broke my heart.
Which paragraph sounds more impactful? Why? What is it about the first paragraph that is so different from the second?
Here are a few sentences to compare:
'I enjoyed the ham sandwich' versus 'I enjoyed the ham sandwich knowing dad didn't have to slaughter miss piggy to make it.'
Which one sounds creative to you and what sentence resonates with your gut? I tell my students that to write something that makes a perfectly good and accurately stated sentence does not mean it is going to knock my socks off. What writer doesn't want to impact a reader so deeply that she doesn't take the impressions of your words into her day?
What do you think of these sentences?
I chose the green pen. versus
I chose the green pen that Aunt Helen held in her trembling hand as she wrote her last words.
He kissed me as I hoped he would. versus
He kissed me as I hoped he would because I had already decided if he didn't make my world shake that would be the last kiss he could ever make upon my lips.
Puppup was the smartest dog I ever owned. versus Puppup was the smartest dog I ever owned because he woke me up just in time as the bacon fat began a small fire on top of the stove.
Maybe my quick examples aren't the best in town but I hope I'm making the point just the same.
Read your written work aloud and as you do notice what your gut says. If it doesn't feel something I'd say rewrite them to create more than just a telling.
Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
February 5, 2012
A good Life
Are we too busy these days texting and taking messages on our cell phones at all times of day and night to listen to what is going on inside our souls?
Having been a philosophy major and worked with people in the counseling field I realized one important thing: people live by their philosophies. That means that how and what they believe about their world, relationships, internal pain, life struggles and the other myriad issues of daily life reflect how they will go on living. I find this fascinating.
Why is this so fascinating? Because with all the talking we are doing all day long I haven't heard one person speak about how to live a better life. I haven't heard one person speak about right relationships, how to have them or how to develop spiritually so their relationships improve. This disturbs me as I hope it disturbs you. The TV news is replete with dysfunctional behavior, hate, war and tragedy that could have been avoided if a little more thought about a philosophy of right relationship had taken place. We are quick to stay angry and let anger build but what about forgiveness and collaboration?
This worries me and when I listen to the political debates I get nervous about the rhetoric that our young people are now absorbing as a way to connect with others in presenting their opinions and taking a stand in life.
I have devoted my life to wellness and am personally always working on this issue or that. I'm not talking about perfection. I'm simply speaking about developing a moral position so my own life is always steadfast, kind, and loving. Spiritual development is crucial to having a meaningful life. Certainly relationships are the most difficult things to do mostly because we have absolutely no control of the other person. Our only control resides in how we want to handle a troubling situation so we can sleep at night in peace.
In my book The Basket Weaver, www.createspace.com/3553668 I wrote passionately, not just to write an entertaining story, but to sort out and find ways to heal a thirty-year troubling relationship that was eating me up. Although the maxim is: it takes two to tango- what do you do when only one wants to heal the wound, whatever that might me?
For me the answer was to go inward, pick up my pen and study what forgiveness would look like, what getting on with my life might look like, what healing the ache in my heart might look like. And I must say, that after The Basket Weaver was completed, I felt whole and saved from the wound that was at one time getting deeper and deeper. Now I don't think about it. I truly feel healed and resolved and it is a feeling like no other one I know.
So the therapist and writer in me emerged on the page and I pray with all my heart that somehow I not only helped myself with this novel (although it is really a creative non-fiction because 95% of it is true)but that I can offer this blessing to you to help you re-think a relationship that has had you wrapped in pain for too long.
I welcome any comments about this book.
Until next time,
Jan
Having been a philosophy major and worked with people in the counseling field I realized one important thing: people live by their philosophies. That means that how and what they believe about their world, relationships, internal pain, life struggles and the other myriad issues of daily life reflect how they will go on living. I find this fascinating.
Why is this so fascinating? Because with all the talking we are doing all day long I haven't heard one person speak about how to live a better life. I haven't heard one person speak about right relationships, how to have them or how to develop spiritually so their relationships improve. This disturbs me as I hope it disturbs you. The TV news is replete with dysfunctional behavior, hate, war and tragedy that could have been avoided if a little more thought about a philosophy of right relationship had taken place. We are quick to stay angry and let anger build but what about forgiveness and collaboration?
This worries me and when I listen to the political debates I get nervous about the rhetoric that our young people are now absorbing as a way to connect with others in presenting their opinions and taking a stand in life.
I have devoted my life to wellness and am personally always working on this issue or that. I'm not talking about perfection. I'm simply speaking about developing a moral position so my own life is always steadfast, kind, and loving. Spiritual development is crucial to having a meaningful life. Certainly relationships are the most difficult things to do mostly because we have absolutely no control of the other person. Our only control resides in how we want to handle a troubling situation so we can sleep at night in peace.
In my book The Basket Weaver, www.createspace.com/3553668 I wrote passionately, not just to write an entertaining story, but to sort out and find ways to heal a thirty-year troubling relationship that was eating me up. Although the maxim is: it takes two to tango- what do you do when only one wants to heal the wound, whatever that might me?
For me the answer was to go inward, pick up my pen and study what forgiveness would look like, what getting on with my life might look like, what healing the ache in my heart might look like. And I must say, that after The Basket Weaver was completed, I felt whole and saved from the wound that was at one time getting deeper and deeper. Now I don't think about it. I truly feel healed and resolved and it is a feeling like no other one I know.
So the therapist and writer in me emerged on the page and I pray with all my heart that somehow I not only helped myself with this novel (although it is really a creative non-fiction because 95% of it is true)but that I can offer this blessing to you to help you re-think a relationship that has had you wrapped in pain for too long.
I welcome any comments about this book.
Until next time,
Jan
February 1, 2012
This Was a Surprise to Me!
I love reading large books. In the 70's I read Michener's Hawaii. Then QB VII. I loved reading large books because they allowed me to savor a story and live with characters for weeks. I didn't buy thin books. They were simply a tease.
My appreciation grew for those authors as I started writing my own books and found I couldn't write any more than 266 pages, as you can see in The Basket Weaver, www.createspace.com/3553668, without getting really stressed out. Just how did those authors do it? I sometimes feel that I wimped out on my own love for thick books by writing thinner ones. The divide between what I love to read and what I love to write got wider and deeper.
So never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever write poetry. Not to mention the fact that I rarely understood poetry and felt it a waste of time to read something I didn't understand. So when I jotted down a list of words, because moving to another state took my concentration to write books, I can honestly say, I hadn't planned on writing poetry, in fact, I didn't see it as poetry.
I simply started out with words. Just words. I thought they would be prompts for me to remember what I had hoped one day to write about. Then I added an adjective or adverb and I let it stay there. However, I found myself editing the list for meaning, again to remember what I wanted to write, and realized that I had created something else. Was this how the poets did it? Was this poetry? If it wasn't poetry, what was it?
This was a surprise to me! I decided to send these pieces to online publishing magazines and I was stunned. Several of them got accepted. Many will appear in upcoming issues; I don't believe most of them are out yet.
But check it out:
www.everywritesresource.com published Unemployment
Randomly Accessed Poetry will publish two pieces, Poetry and Cycles
Poetry Victims will publish Stalker
Although this is not a poem, www.ladyinkmagazine.com accepted Old Friends - this is already online, as is Henry's Goodbye published by www.Solecisms.
So to all those of you who write and do nothing with your writing: take the next step and send out your work. You just never know...
until next time,
jan
My appreciation grew for those authors as I started writing my own books and found I couldn't write any more than 266 pages, as you can see in The Basket Weaver, www.createspace.com/3553668, without getting really stressed out. Just how did those authors do it? I sometimes feel that I wimped out on my own love for thick books by writing thinner ones. The divide between what I love to read and what I love to write got wider and deeper.
So never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever write poetry. Not to mention the fact that I rarely understood poetry and felt it a waste of time to read something I didn't understand. So when I jotted down a list of words, because moving to another state took my concentration to write books, I can honestly say, I hadn't planned on writing poetry, in fact, I didn't see it as poetry.
I simply started out with words. Just words. I thought they would be prompts for me to remember what I had hoped one day to write about. Then I added an adjective or adverb and I let it stay there. However, I found myself editing the list for meaning, again to remember what I wanted to write, and realized that I had created something else. Was this how the poets did it? Was this poetry? If it wasn't poetry, what was it?
This was a surprise to me! I decided to send these pieces to online publishing magazines and I was stunned. Several of them got accepted. Many will appear in upcoming issues; I don't believe most of them are out yet.
But check it out:
www.everywritesresource.com published Unemployment
Randomly Accessed Poetry will publish two pieces, Poetry and Cycles
Poetry Victims will publish Stalker
Although this is not a poem, www.ladyinkmagazine.com accepted Old Friends - this is already online, as is Henry's Goodbye published by www.Solecisms.
So to all those of you who write and do nothing with your writing: take the next step and send out your work. You just never know...
until next time,
jan
