C. JoyBell C.'s Blog, page 24

Seeds


Have you ever wondered why
You fill your head with noise?
Why you run away
From that quiet room in your mind?
And have you ever wondered
That maybe you fill yourself with noise
To drain out the silence of
Your loneliness?
Because maybe that’s it
When all is quiet and still
You can hear your loneliness
It sounds like echoes
Echoes that go on and on
Bouncing off of walls
Because only the walls are there
To listen
But when your mind is filled with
All the noises that you so expertly
Feed it with,
You can’t hear the echoes
You forget the walls
There is no loneliness
Is there?
It’s gone
Isn’t it?

But I love you
And I don’t want you to be this way
I want you to stay for a while
In that place
Where there are only walls
And echoes
Because I will give you seeds
Of sunflowers
And you will plant them
And they will grow and call to the Sun
And the Sun will rub on the ceiling
Then the ceiling will turn to dust
And I will give you seeds
Of climbing New Dawn Roses
And they will grow into the cracks
Of the walls around you
And they will push those cracks apart
The walls will first squeak and splinter
Then they will become crooked
Then they will shake and fall down
There you will stand
In the middle of sunflowers
And roses
No more echoes
No more walls
But you have to stay for a while
In that silence
Long enough to plant seeds and
Wait for them to grow
They will grow
The walls will fall down
But don’t run away from the quiet
Don’t fill your mind with noise
Listen to the sound of the seeds
As I scatter them onto the ground
It will sound like your heartbeat
Follow it on the way inside


Copyright © 2015 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

This one's for all of you women out there who have been in abusive marriages/ are in abusive marriages. If you're in one, get out of it. And if you were in one, celebrate its end and make sure you start healing.


The Fish Are Dead


He does so many good things
To show he’s a good person
To show that he’s in love
The problem is
I come home to him
At the end of the day
I live with the person
That nobody else sees
I live with the man
Who does nice things
To make up for
All the bad things

The gifts he bears me
Are peace treaties
Symbols of peace
He bears for himself
So he can look at himself
In the mirror

You see
The thing is,
I come home to the man
That nobody else sees
The one who
Bears gifts
Because he’s the one
Who carved the wounds
And I am supposed to be
Happy
Because there are gifts
I am supposed to be in love
Because there are
Symbols of peace
Lined up in the window
Everyone can see the window
No one can see inside
Our room, our bed
Nobody sees
Inside his head
He’s made his head
Into this bed
Into this house
It’s not my home
The fish in this fishbowl
Are dead
And I am supposed
To put a smile on my face

This isn’t love


Copyright © 2015 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

       In this world, we are surrounded by fast-paced, empty static energy. They're like the empty calories of the soul. You have empty calories for your body, like a bag of potato chips for example, then you have empty calories for your soul, which are found in the static energy that doesn't really add to our emotional, spiritual, mental experience of living our lives. We have magical moments of connection with people, with nature, with Spirit, but then we rush out of those moments all too fast, in order to go straight back into the busy lanes that are full of things not worthwhile! Empty energies! So when we do that, we forget our magical, nourishing soul moments all too fast and we start caring about things that we shouldn't care about too much, stepping outside of the moments of eternity that we encounter, and going back into the empty noise. So I think that we need to picture ourselves as rocks in the river; we can let all of that rush by us, while we stay fortified where we are, lingering in the warmness of the noontime sun, the chill of the dawn , the reflections of dusk— like a rock in a river— let it all just rush by. Be magic.

A Promise to Dania


Little Dania, little Dania,
What is in your little box?

This is my little box of bad things
Fear, resentment, loss of hope

Little Dania, little Dania,
Why do you carry it around with you?

This is my little box of protection
They keep me away from the things that hurt

Little Dania, little Dania,
Wouldn’t you rather carry around good things?

This is my little box of things that don’t hurt
Good things hurt when they’re taken away from me

So if someone takes this box away from you
It won’t hurt? That’s why you carry it around with you?

Things have been taken away from me before
They were good and it hurt to lose them
But this box I carry around with me
Will never hurt me that way
Because it won’t hurt to lose it

Oh little Dania, little Dania,
This box has been keeping you away
From all the things that make life worth living
Don’t you see?
You can’t carry it around with you anymore

I have lived and I have lost
And this little box protects me
When I fear, I run away
When I’m angered, I stay away
This box will keep me safe

Little Dania, little Dania,
My heart bleeds for you
Take my box of joy and laughter
Take my box of warmth and trust
Take my box of honey and dew

If someone sees the box you give me
They will take it away one day
And then I will bleed to death
I cannot love, you see?
I would die if I do

Little Dania, little Dania,
It is my box I give to you
If somebody takes it away
I will give you another and another
It is not your box to lose
Let me take your old box
Let me take the bad one away
I’ll take it where you’ll never need it
I’ll take it where you’ll never find it
And I will give my boxes of good things
To you
Never yours to lose
Always mine to lose
Always yours to have and to hold
And if you lose the good things
If you lose the good box
They will be my loss
Not yours
And I will give you a new box
A new one, always new
With things like joy and laughter
With things like love and peace

Do you promise it won’t hurt me?
Not ever, ever, ever?

Sometimes things will hurt
But even though,
We should never hurt ourselves first
Surrounding yourself with darkness
Is hurting yourself
So nobody else can do it to you

Sometimes things can hurt
But what’s important
Is the joy that comes in the morning

And there will always be a morning?
Can you promise that?

I promise you
There will always be
A morning


Copyright © 2015 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

       In marketing, we are taught that we need to sell a myth, we need to sell an image, we need to sell something that people want to be a part of but can never really reach, because it is this constant "reaching up" for the myth that we create, which will keep our customers feeling like they are inadequate lest they consume our products. So, when you look out into the world today, what you see is a great big society governed by this marketing strategy. Then we see the reflection of these negative effects on the minds of people, everywhere. Moreover, it's not just the young people who are moulded by these myths created by marketers; but it is adults, too! It's everyone!
       Perhaps the most prevalent negative effect we can observe is the negative effect that the fashion industry has on young girls, everywhere. We all know this story all too well: young girls feel inadequate, they feel that they need to have this clothing item, they need to have this cosmetic brand on their table, they need to fit into a size three... all these needs which are not really needs, but they become so real in the minds of women everywhere, thanks to marketing strategies. And I know this for certain because I took a course from Bocconi University, on fashion and luxury management, where we were taught extensively on the importance of the myth being the key factor in selling luxury and fashion items. In fact, the whole industry itself is built on these collective myths.
       But you see, the thing is, I really don't believe that people want to climb after myths, I don't believe that people want to reach up to be a part of something that they will never really be a part of, I don't believe that this is how to sell things. Rather, I believe that people want to know that they are valued, I believe that people want to see themselves reflected in the world around them, I believe that people want to have healthy things to aspire for, healthy dreams to latch onto, and achievable goals that are real, that are profound and that are attainable. I also believe that this is how we become a better civilisation; not by chasing after dreams that can never actually be ours, but by daring to dream, dreaming to dare, and helping one another reach our individual and collective goals. I also believe this is the foundation of true success stories— brands that create for value, because they value their customers— not forming unreachable dreams for people which are not organic in their minds. Rather, I believe that a company ought to reach in and see the organic dreams already in the minds of people, and open its arms to welcome those dreams in. This is an organic company, an organic community, a sustainable organization.
       As C. JoyBell C., I am not only an author, but a publisher as well, and my customers are my readers. And I run my "one-woman-company" on the basis of what I believe in. I believe in valuing each individual, I believe in being genuinely interested in everybody, I believe that there is true quality in the people that read my work and I aim to speak to that quality that is already in them; I don't aim to make them feel like they need to chase after a myth. And the funny thing is, that it is in my just being what I believe in, that people actually do hail me as a myth, as an unearthly thing, as something unattainable! And I have in fact projected myself as the opposite! Perhaps in a world full of fakeness and lies, one becomes known as a myth when one is simply genuine and able to give value to those around them.
     

       Hey wonderfuls! I am currently taking a course on Positive Psychology, from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I have found this study to be very beneficial to my life and I encourage everyone to dabble in it.
       This week though, the professor discussed loved from a PP standpoint, and this standpoint is one which I find to be greatly flawed and I entirely do not agree with it. I have noticed that when people have good ideas, they tend to apply the same idea to every area of life, abandoning common sense and knowledge in the process. This, of course, is not the advisable way to live! Common sense must be utilized in every situation and we cannot take one idea or belief system, and then proceed to apply it to every area in existence! A good example for this would be the principle of not lying: one is taught that lying is a sin, is immoral, and that one should never do it. Sadly enough, there are those who will take this mindset and apply it to every area of life, so even when the situation involves the person's safety or the safety of a loved one (a weirdo comes along and asks about your whole schedule for the day, or a suspicious character comes along asking for your sister's whereabouts or your child's whereabouts, etc. etc. etc.), they are stifled by the principle of never telling a lie, and in doing so, compromise the safety of their loved ones, or themselves! Of course, when suspicious people come along asking for the whereabouts of someone you know, you should say that you don't know anything about those whereabouts, and then after that you should probably call that person and tell them to be careful and/or call the authorities. You should never "not lie" in such situations! This is the application of common sense! Yet unfortunately, there are those who would not be able to apply such methods of common sense in similar scenarios. And it is in this same vein that I have observed that people these days come up with great ideas, but then begin to apply them onto areas where they should not be applied to. And that's where this week's lectures come into the picture.
       This week the professor discussed love and what love is, from the standpoint of Positive Psychology. According to this idea, love is an exchange of positive moments that get built up into a positive experience/a positive relation that you begin to attach to the other person with whom you experience these positive moments with. Therefore, according to this school of thought, love is neither everlasting nor unconditional, since it stands on the premise of this one condition, called, "positivity resonance." Now, this is where I believe the whole application of PP is just falling off of the map. So you mean to tell me that we love the people whom we love, because of the positive moments that we've been able to have together, and if those moments were not built in exactly those ways, we would never have loved them/we would cease to love them? Oh dear. Please don't... I can't even...
       We love the people that we love, because they are there for us when we feel like we can't face life alone and they remind us that we don't need to face life alone! We love the people that we love, because we know that when we cry, it hurts them, too. We love the people that we love because we share mutually in tears and in pains and in struggles and in hardships, and we know that because we are together, we can get through all of that— together! Because of the people we love, life becomes livable! Because of the people we love, we know that we have people to share with in not just the good parts of life; but in the hardships, as well! We will never have to carry our burdens alone, because these people love us!
       So what's going to happen to PP-believers now? Once life gets hard, they're going to think nobody loves them anymore? That love is over? That a relationship is over? Or what?
       I would like to implore people, everywhere, to not paint everything in life with the exact same brush that you found in the pretty paint can! The paint is pretty, yes, and the brush is a big one, too! But it's not supposed to go over everything, really. There is a time for everything. Have a great day, wonderfuls! And remember why you love the people that you love! It's the good moments; but it's all the other moments in between, too! Really, it's all the times you are there for each other!

       I have been pondering on the virtue of unforgiveness. It is a very startling realisation to have, a very enlightening discovery to make! Especially because we are all always pointed into the direction of forgiveness as the answer to all of our woes. We all believe, all the time, that forgiveness will save us. We have a million and one quotes on the subject, too! So it's been a very groundbreaking discovery for me to find that unforgiveness has its own virtue!
       We try so hard to feel warmness in our hearts, towards people who have wronged us in ways that render them non-deserving of that warmth. We go on and on, year after year, telling ourselves we are "better people" because we have extended our grandeur upon those who hurt us, who misled us... we throw our "grandeur" over them and cloak them like we would cloak one in a blanket! Explaining away all their actions towards us, explaining away why they wronged us... extending ourselves, forcing ourselves to be graceful with them in our thoughts every time we remember them... when in fact what we should be doing is just forgetting them!
       What we need to be doing is forgetting! Not really forgiving! Because some people don't deserve it! But they do deserve to be forgotten! And you deserve to forget them! When you try to cover your eyes with a filter of lovingkindness towards those who wronged you in ways that have negatively affected your outlook in life, in order to be a better person than they are, you are really putting yourself up to a struggle. In the first place, you don't need to try and prove that you are a better person than anyone! And doing so will probably put you in a worse place than they are in! Life's no good when you live it trying to prove that you're better than other people! You've got to create your own moments and live in them!
       There is a virtue to be found in unforgiveness. There is virtue to be found in this particular lack of virtue. When I allow myself to see what exactly a person has done and how exactly a person has wronged me, instead of covering myself up in order to accommodate them, I am able to free myself from bondage! They say that forgiveness frees you from bondage, and that is true, but there are certain times when a lack of forgiveness is what is going to free you from bondage.
       Some people have to be let go of, not because you forgive them and extend yourself for them, but because you forget them, because they are worth forgetting!

       When I think of the word, "wild", I think of the wildflowers. They have not been cut or altered, they are rooted in the soil, with petals blowing in the winds. I am wild in heart, in that I see myself as a wildflower, a wild rose in the untouched fields.
       We are taught by society to welcome into our lives the potential for being hurt, because doing so is to ensure that we "live a full life". Why is it that we are either so religious that we forget to live or we are so afraid to die that we forget to cherish our wildness? Our wildness isn't our recklessness; but our wildness is our untouched parts. The parts that are still out there in the fields.       The truth is that a wound leaves a scar, the truth is that when we are hurt, the effects of that pain are things that we are going to carry around in ourselves and that we are going to use as blinders over our eyes, as filters through which we see everything that follows. When you throw yourself into situations where you could get hurt, you are not only putting your present moment at risk; but you are putting your whole future at risk, because you will carry with you any wounds that you may incur.        I have always said that we should throw ourselves out into the open, and yes, I did mean that. But I meant that in a physical way. To literally go out into the open world with a plane ticket or a train ticket. But when it comes to our souls, when it comes to our hearts, we must acknowledge that the scars we incur, though not visible to the naked eye, are in fact there, embedded where they were carved!        It's not thrill that you need to seek in your mind, it's not danger that you need to seek for your heart. I am concerned for the generation that believes that they do not live unless they hurt, that they do not live unless they break. No, do not be mistaken, to be hurt and to be broken are not to be wild! To be wild is to be untouched, out there in the fields that man has not yet seen!        The desire needs to be, to have a wild heart. A soul that runs with the wild horses, a soul that can speak to the spirits of the trees... not one that is mired by heartbreak after heartbreak; not one that is stained by shame and abuse. There is another way to live, my dear. There is the way of the wildflower.       Make the right choices. The choices that hurt no one, not even yourself. And yes, one must take chances on things like love, and there is always the risk... but seek to find something in order to keep it; not in order to play with it or in order to thrill in it. It is our intentions that must be wild, that must be untouched. Guard your heart from the wicked.

Copyright © 2015 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved. 

       I often receive emails from other authors, asking me what my "secret" is. They wonder why so many people know me and they want to know how I do it, so that they may try my style for themselves, too. I also receive this same manner of inquiry from aspiring authors, because they would like to aspire to become like me one day when they do become authors. So, I wanted to address this particular inquiry once and for all, in a formal little writing, explaining the answers to this.
       I believe that I intrigue other authors and aspiring authors, because I seem to be apparently different. And this is indeed true, I can explain this difference. The difference here, is that I don't write in order to build something for myself; but I write because I am a writer, because I have a message to speak, because I have a fire in my heart that I must share with others. Yes, I do work hard because I believe in working hard and it's that simple. But I don't work hard in order to one day be on Oprah, or in order to one day be famous. Was it not I myself, who once said, "Do not yearn to be popular; be exquisite. Do not desire to be famous; be loved. Do not take pride in being expected; be palpable, unmistakable."?  Because what I said is what I believe in and is how I work and how I live and what I aspire for. I think that this aphorism of mine embodies the big difference between the way that I am a writer and the way that others are writers. I have noticed a type of self-absorption that is evident amongst other personalities of note, who describe themselves with many adjectives. I mean, sure, many of the things that I write are about me, too, but I don't actually use adjectives, have you noticed that? I describe myself through how I feel pain, how I feel joy, how I desire to laugh, how I dream, how I envision the future for this world... visions, dreams, pains and loves... I don't just slap an adjective on my name and then try to embody that. I in fact am sharing the process of living my life, through the things that I write, which are about me. I'm not actually "describing" myself; rather, I am living myself. Now, right here— look here— right here lies the great difference, the great big chasm that sets me apart from the rest— I am not living towards, or through, a description that I wish to attain or to be known for; rather, I am living to feel and to be felt. To be palpable and to be in touch with what is in turn palpable. I want to know people and I want people to know me.
       Of course, I do want to earn money through my craft, because, this is a valuable asset in life— to be able to earn a valuable amount of money through the craft of one's own hands. This is a part of the richness of living and it's something I seek for, yes. But I see myself as an artisan, someone humbly working with her own hands, putting together invisible cities for people to live in, and building invisible cities within the souls of people, everywhere! That's how I picture myself. So I have really not been thinking of what I should come across as, what I should look like, how I should "become successful", but rather, I have been thinking about how to form the work in my hands to my best ability to do so. So, as you can see, in my mind's eye, I am an artisan. A sculptor, a mason. A builder. I'm thinking about the cement that's in front of me, the tools that I have to work with, the clay and the bricks. That's where I am in my mind, when I work.
      I'd like to leave you with a quote by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, which sounds a lot like the things that I usually say, but is particularly applicable for wrapping up this post with: "It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for - and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool - for love - for your dreams - for the adventure of being alive." And on that note, I hope that I have left you with a lot to think about and I hope that in your time of contemplating on these things, you will find the answer to the question that you so often like to ask me. :)

C. Bells

       I have conversations with my son. Many, in-depth conversations on arcane knowledge and insight for life. I said in my previous article that I am a lenient mother, I talked about how I am not clingy and how I do not put restrictions on my son. I do realise how that sounds, but allow me to expound upon that. Yes, what I said is factual, but that doesn't go to say that I don't teach him anything. I would consider myself to be an utter and absolute failure, if, I were able to teach the world many things but not be able to teach my son anything. I would rather teach my son everything and the world nothing, than the other way around. There are many people who want to change the world, and in doing so, have forgotten that the most profound thing that you can do in life, is to love those whom you ought to love and to be a positive part of their lives. I will never agree with the belief that we ought to give up our children or our loved ones for the greater benefit of mankind. If others wish to do that, then so be it, it is their belief; but it is not my belief and I will not do that. I will love whom I love and I will care for them. Then out of that overflow, I will also care for the world. This is what I have always been doing, anyway. The world has never come first.
       So, as I was saying, what I do is I have conversations with my son. I've never seen him as too young to learn about things that normally are reserved for adults to learn about. I've taught him insight since a very young age. I've taught him the things I teach all of you, before I tell you about them. So this morning I was talking to him over breakfast, about building for the future and how to not live in the moment. Yes, you read that right— how to not live in the moment. Let me share my converation with my son, with all of you...

       "You know how they always say that you need to live in the moment? Well that's not true. In a way, it is true, in the way that we feel and soak up the moment that we are living in and feel these moments to the full extent— is the way that we may live in the moment. But when it comes to everything else, we need to know that we are in fact not living for the moment because everything that we do now builds up towards what we will be living in, in the future. What you build today, is going to be the structure that you live in, tomorrow. And tomorrow is going to come; one day, tomorrow isn't going to be tomorrow anymore because it's going to be your "today" and what structure are you going to find yourself living in when tomorrow becomes your today? Because that structure that you're going to find yourself in, is the structure that you build right now, the structure that you work on right now. Look at people who live for the moment with no thought of tomorrow— when they arrive at their futures, they're not going to find anything when they get there... because today they've lived only for today!
       It's a very magical thing that we are able to do, you see. In our physical world, we can only build things with the materials that we can now see, right now, and for now. But when it comes to time and space, it's amazing how we can build a structure in the future, with materials that we work on right now. We are building right now— but our structures are being set up in another time, in the future! So when you work now and what you work on now, is a work that you are building in the future and when you arrive there, it will already be there for you and when you look back, you'll see all the work that you've done. Remember how you were accepted into Charles University middle school, because your grades were so great from your previous school? What do you think would have happened if your grades weren't so great at first? Do you think they would have immediately accepted you with no need for interviews and entrance exams? They wouldn't, you'd have to take interviews and entrance exams just like everybody else, but since you worked for something more, before that something more was physically there in your present, you later arrived at something good, even great. You worked for your future, before you arrived at it. And that's what you need to keep on doing now. "


C. Bells