Lolly Daskal's Blog, page 122

A young man came to his wise leader and asked how he could be a better leader.

The wise leader said, “Let me pour you a cup of tea.” And so he started pouring a cup of tea; he kept pouring and pouring and pouring until the young man screamed, “Stop! The cup is full.”

And the wise leader looked at the young man and said, “Exactly. Your cup is full, and unless you empty your cup first—unless you are ready to part with things you are holding on to—there will be no room for new wisdom, new ideas, new innovation, new reasoning, new anything. There is great wisdom in parting.”

The power of great leadership comes from the power of parting:

Part with comparing ourselves to others. Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides. When we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others, we lose focus on who we are. Everyone has their own strengths and their own weaknesses, and it is only when we accept everything about ourselves that will be truly successful.

Part with our shame. There are so many things from our past that keep us in a shameful state. And without knowing, we tend to act out those demons in our professional and personal lives even though it is the last thing we want to do. Shame damages the roots from which leadership grows, and leadership can only survive our inner injuries if they are acknowledged and let go.

Part with thinking we know it all. Many believe that if you are the leader you need to know everything, but the hard truth is this: It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts. As Socrates said, the only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. Great leaders are constant learners and students of life and business.

Part with our painful past. It is out of our complex past that we have to find simplicity and meaning in the present. Our painful past has value, because the merit of all things lies in their difficulty. Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to discover.

Part with our ego. Leading, managing, guiding, mentoring from our ego keeps us from being the best we can be. I believe ego really means Edging Out Greatness. The best leaders leave their ego at the door; they part with the notion that they are self-important and they know for a fact that everyone has an important role when it comes to being successful.

Part with low self-esteem. I think that the power is the principle. The principle of moving forward as though you have confidence eventually gives you confidence when you look back and see what you’ve done. Low self-esteem keeps us from making strong decisions and caring for our true self. Self-confidence is not measured by our capabilities versus those of others, but by our own needs and achievements.

Part with the notion that we’re in control. Change has to come for life to struggle forward. We have come to terms with the fact that some things are beyond our control, and the power in parting comes from simply realizing that the only person we have control over is ourselves.

Lead From Within: Sometimes the power of parting comes in the willingness to let go of the life we’ve planned so we can have the life that is waiting for us.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Continue Reading:

The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading
Codes Of Conduct To Lead
Let Your Leadership Speak For Itself
Lead By Example Others Will Follow

Photo Credit: Getty Images

The post The Power Of Parting: 7 Things You Need to Stop Doing appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

How many times have you heard yourself say If only I had the right role … the right job … the right business … the right opportunity, then I would step into my leadership.

But that role, position, opportunity, or business may never come along. So when is the right moment to start leading? That moment is now, right where you are.

If you can’t start from where you want to be, how do you start from where you are?

Here are some ways to clear the path:

Develop yourself. To lead others, you must first learn to lead yourself. As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as in being able to remake ourselves. Who you are and what you learn about yourself is more powerful than where you are.

Develop alliances. Nothing great was ever done alone. To be successful you need to be able to get along with others, which means building strong relationships and deep alliances. We are all as strong as we are united and as weak as we are divided. The best leaders know the importance of alliances and do everything they can to cultivate them.

Define your worth. Everyone has a unique talent and their own way of expressing themselves; learn what yours is and it will be your worth. The best competitive advantage you have is you. Your talent determines what you can do; your motivation determines how much you do; your attitude determines how well you do it. Lead by your worth and make your mark.

Engage in constant dialogue. When dialogue is constant communication is easy, instant and effective. The most important aspect of dialogue is usually hearing what is not being said. The art of reading between the lines is a lifelong quest of great leaders because it leads to understanding, connection and mutual appreciation.

Seek out experience. Experience as much as you can. People never truly learn anything by being told; find out for yourself is much more powerful. Once you’ve experienced failures and successes you can begin turning those experiences into wisdom.

Invest in other people. People matter—especially when it comes to leadership. Find what is good about others and do everything you can to illuminate their work, support their development and nurture their success. Invest in other people’s successes and groom them to be leaders too. When they win, you win.

You don’t have to wait until you get to the top, until the right role is available, until you’re in the perfect place at the perfect time. You can reach everything you need, and everything you need to accomplish, right where you are. Then when opportunity knocks (and it will) you’ll be ready.

Lead From Within: Everyone has the potential to lead successfully, regardless of the positions they hold and the title they have. Be ready today by leading from right where you are and with all that you have.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Continue Reading:

The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading
Codes Of Conduct To Lead
Let Your Leadership Speak For Itself
Lead By Example Others Will Follow

Photo Credit: Getty Images

 

The post Lead From Where You Are And With All That You Have appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

When it comes to success, many of us never even think about our attitude. Most of us are so busy just trying to live our lives, with all our hundred responsibilities and our thousand tasks and our million commitments, that we find ourselves often reacting to our lives instead of responding to them.

Successful leaders don’t have fewer problems than unsuccessful leaders—they just have a different attitude.

The remarkable thing is that we have a choice every day regarding our attitude:

Don’t get locked into negative thoughts where you’ve experienced difficult times in the past. Any ill feelings and negative thoughts you may have had in the past were of no value to you then and have not increased in worth since.

It’s not helpful to react in negative ways to daily events. Be mindful of how you choose to interpret what happens to you. The way you react and reason with the events in your life is the way your memories will be stored.

 When you have harsh struggles in store, your attitude can save you. You can’t change the inevitable and you don’t know what will happen in the future—struggle and pain may arrive uninvited. And it’s at those times especially that your attitude will make or break you.

Many of us have forgotten how to control our attitude, even though it is really the only control we have. When we hold on tight to our misgivings, when we dwell on the ways we’ve been mistreated, it’s easy to forget that our attitude is what defines the things we experience.

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow may never come, so the present is the moment we have.

Lead From Within: Let us strive to make our reactions and responses the best they can be, because our most precious attribute is our attitude. The choice is ours: We can hold on to negative thoughts or we can put some altitude in our attitude!

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Continue Reading:

The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading
Codes Of Conduct To Lead
Let Your Leadership Speak For Itself
Lead By Example Others Will Follow

Photo Credit: Getty Images

 

 

The post Your Attitude Is Everything If You Want To Succeed appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

In the movie Love Story the main character famously says, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

It sounds very romantic, and for a long time I loved that quote—but over all the years that I have worked with leaders and organizations and teams, I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t really apply in leadership or in life.

When it comes to building, restoring and developing relationships, you have to say you are sorry.

And it’s not enough to just say you’re sorry—you have to sincerely apologize, to show that you’re willing to break old patterns and take real action in a timely and powerful way.

Here are some of the factors in a true apology:

Vulnerability. The first step in restoring a relationship is to let go of ego. This can be hard for those who value strength and control in their leadership. But apologizing gives you more control and potential power that you could imagine. To be vulnerable is to show strength; to let go of the ego can transform any relationship instantaneously.

Timing. Apologies need to happen sooner than later—as quickly as possible. Delays often make the situation worse. Your apology loses its meaning and you end up causing more harm then good. The time and circumstance need to be both immediate and right.

Accountability. In leadership and in life, it’s a natural impulse to blame someone for your faults and mistakes. But the best leaders know that the best policy is always to take accountability for yourself. Blaming others destroys relationships; playing victim destroys your reputation. Accountability strengthens both.

Fence-mending. Many leaders pride themselves on being right, but the best —the ones who lead from within—know that being kind might be even more important. Even if you know you are right, sometimes the best reward is to mend fences. Prolonging an argument and lengthening a dispute doesn’t further your leadership. On the other hand, mending fences is characteristic someone who understands that leadership is not about scoring points but building lasting relationship and restoring faith.

The best way to apologize is by letting go of your ego, speaking as soon as the time is right, holding yourself accountable, and staying on the high road.

Whether or not you win the battle, you’ll win in character. And your kindness will affect your leadership, which in turn will affect those around you.

The only thing stopping you from healthy and happy relationships may be the belief that leadership means not having to say you’re sorry.

Lead From Within: A true leader is able to apologize when they are wrong and mend fences when they are broken to restore trust to their relationships and friendships.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading:

The Secret Source of Great Leadership
The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading
12 Significant Ways In Which Great Leaders Are Different Than The Rest of Us
To Trust Means To Be Careless

 

Photo Credit: Getty Images

The post Leadership Means Having to Say You Are Sorry appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

Many of us are faced with uncertainty at every level and it’s easy to become overwhelmed. But there’s one commitment you can make that will help bring everything into line and that is living a whole-hearted life.

A whole hearted life gives our leadership wisdom.

The power of heart: Alter your life by accessing the power of your heart. The heart’s wisdom of depth and experience- the heart gives us the deepest foundation for life.

No vision- no progress. A satisfying life can be built only on dreams and goals. Without them, we’re traveling without a map. Vision and goals keep us focused and energized and heart-centered, and make our lives more interesting, more useful and more successful.

I am possible:  Many of us have a limited perspective of what we can even accomplish—we like to think we know what we know. In reality, too often we know only limits and boundaries. But when we are whole-hearted, there are no limitations. We can achieve the things that only our imagination can conceive.

As you give, so you shall receive. The most powerful tool available to whole-hearted leading is the Golden Rule. There’s a reason that some version of it exists in virtually every culture on earth. Great power exists when we act heart to heart.

Gratitude opens our hearts. Give thanks for all that is good, for all that you have, and for every good thing that is on its way to you. Simply put, count your blessings. There’s not much room for complaining in a whole-hearted life.

Banishes fear. It’s important to know our fears so we can face them courageously. To move past fear into whole-hearted leading means increasing our understanding of ourselves and of others.

Wisdom is born of our mistakes, and knowledge of our failures. What if we look at our mistakes and our failures as opportunities to learn? What would happen if we could take every failure of thought and turn it into a positive plan? Life has a funny way of having us repeat our mistakes and failure until we learn our lesson. And we usually don’t learn our lessons until they become an experience we cannot forget.

Lead From Within: Your life is up to you to lead whole-heartedly or not. Your business, your company, your team, your organization, your family, your friends—they all provide the opportunity, as the leader you need to find the wisdom.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading

Tough-minded Leadership with Tenderhearted Skills
The Heart Of Struggle: The Leadership’s Journey
Leading With Love: Just Say It
The Heart Of Listening

The post The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

There are numerous resources stating what trust is and what trust isn’t.

There are countless articles, illustrations and books with all kinds of defintions.

So I decided to embark on my own search for the meaning of the word trust.

While doing so, I found that in Hebrew, the word for trust is batach, written בָּטַח.

It means (1) to attach oneself, (2) to confide in, (3) to feel safe, (4) to be careless.

To be careless? How does that make sense?

The last definition startled me a bit, but it also got me thinking.

Here’s my take on what it means to be careless when it comes to trust:

We trust another without thinking. It means knowing that you don’t have to look over your shoulder if something comes up. You know without a shadow of a doubt that the person on the other side of the table, phone, or conference is going to be concerned for your interests as well as their own. In other words, you’re not in it alone. There is someone who is not only looking out for what is good for them, but what is good for you too. This is powerful because it means that they will look out for you no matter what the circumstance may be—and because of that you can trust without thinking about it.

We trust without watching what others do. When you can trust blindly, it means you don’t have to worry that the object of your trust won’t come through for you. It means that you do not have to worry about how to take care of yourself with that person, because they’re going to be worried about you too. When you trust another you don’t have to be on guard that they will betray you. It means that you do not have to guard yourself with them, because they are going to be concerned with what is good for you.

We trust without care or trouble. When you trust another, you don’t have to be concerned that they’ll do or say something behind your back. You do not have to watch your back with them, because they’re going to be watching it for you. Incredible things happen when you don’t have to always protect yourself or feel guarded. You can actually relax.

When true trust is present, you can be careless with each other, you can be open with each other, you can take risks with each other, you can learn from each other, and you can leverage the fact that you don’t have to always be watchful and protective of yourself.

 True trust is having access to another without having to worry; it allows you to be careless.

Lead From Within: For relationships to have trust, you have to be able to be open and vulnerable. You have to have access. When access is given, trust increases. When access is earned, more is built, and as more is built more is given.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading:

Trust Matters. Learn How To Earn It and Keep It
Tear Down The Walls So Trust Can Get In
Leadership Rituals That Make Each Day Count
Take Care of the Little Things And The Big Things Will Take Care Of Themselves

 

The post To Trust Means To Be Careless appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

For many the idea of being a leader—of being in charge, of being the boss, of being responsible for a team or a company—seems overwhelming. And frankly, it can be. It’s a big responsibility.

But to be successful, we must be able to get things done and do them well. Leadership is great when leaders are effective and productive.

No one wakes up in the morning and says, “Today I am a leader.”

Leadership is earned, built and cultivated in small steps, with small things done successfully every day.

Emily Dickinson once said, “If you take care of the small things, the big things take care of themselves.”

So how do we take care of the little things so that the big things take care of themselves?

Block out time for mindfulness. When you’re busy, it’s easy for time to run away from you. Before you know it the day, week, month has passed. As a leader it is important to take the time for mindfulness. Identify what is most important to you. Think of the little things you care about the most; determine what is truly meaningful. Determine which actions generate effectiveness and productivity and which are wasting your time. This information will help you with making the hard decisions and doing what is really important.

Guard your time. Your time is your most precious resource; invest it well. Every minute spent on a task is one less minute of your life. Whenever you’re faced with a new potential project or task, ask yourself a simple question: “Does this task help or hurt of what is important to me?” If you feel something takes away time from your goals, then avoid it. Never let another person’s priorities become your own.

Eliminate and delegate. As you look at your list, ask yourself what you can eliminate and what you can delegate. Make sure everything on your personal to-do list is something that either satisfies you or brings you closer to your goals. Don’t spend your energy on things that drain you, but on things you enjoy that bring value to yourself and others.

Don’t add; substitute. Watching the list of things you need to get done slowly grow is incredibly stressful. So when something new comes along, substitute that task for one that’s not generating results. If it’s worth pursuing, substitute it for another task, action or project and make the time for it.

Be honest and prioritize. The best reason for starting small and with what is meaningful is that doing so ensures that you’re being honest with yourself. If you focus on the things you cannot do, or the things that you think should be meaningful rather than the ones that truly are, you’ll find yourself getting nothing done. So be honest as you identify and prioritize the small things that are important to you.

Take care of the little things and the big things will be taken care with ease.

Lead From Within: As leaders with all our responsibilities and our functions, it’s hard to do all things great, but if as leaders we take care of the small things with excellence then we will have accomplished the big things with success.

Additional Reading:

Not Every Problem Needs A Solution
Spend Your Time Feeding Your Soul  
How To Make The Most Of Our Mistakes
Conquer Your Fears To Achieve Your Goals

The post Take Care of the Little Things And The Big Things Will Take Care Of Themselves appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

For many the idea of being a leader—of being in charge, of being the boss, of being responsible for a team or a company—seems overwhelming. And frankly, it can be. It’s a big responsibility.

But to be successful, we must be able to get things done and do them well. Leadership is great when leaders are effective and productive.

No one wakes up in the morning and says, “Today I am a leader.”

Leadership is earned, built and cultivated in small steps, with small things done successfully every day.

Emily Dickinson once said, “If you take care of the small things, the big things take care of themselves.”

So how do we take care of the little things so that the big things take care of themselves?

Block out time for mindfulness. When you’re busy, it’s easy for time to run away from you. Before you know it the day, week, month has passed. As a leader it is important to take the time for mindfulness. Identify what is most important to you. Think of the little things you care about the most; determine what is truly meaningful. Determine which actions generate effectiveness and productivity and which are wasting your time. This information will help you with making the hard decisions and doing what is really important.

Guard your time. Your time is your most precious resource; invest it well. Every minute spent on a task is one less minute of your life. Whenever you’re faced with a new potential project or task, ask yourself a simple question: “Does this task help or hurt of what is important to me?” If you feel something takes away time from your goals, then avoid it. Never let another person’s priorities become your own.

Eliminate and delegate. As you look at your list, ask yourself what you can eliminate and what you can delegate. Make sure everything on your personal to-do list is something that either satisfies you or brings you closer to your goals. Don’t spend your energy on things that drain you, but on things you enjoy that bring value to yourself and others.

Don’t add; substitute. Watching the list of things you need to get done slowly grow is incredibly stressful. So when something new comes along, substitute that task for one that’s not generating results. If it’s worth pursuing, substitute it for another task, action or project and make the time for it.

Be honest and prioritize. The best reason for starting small and with what is meaningful is that doing so ensures that you’re being honest with yourself. If you focus on the things you cannot do, or the things that you think should be meaningful rather than the ones that truly are, you’ll find yourself getting nothing done. So be honest as you identify and prioritize the small things that are important to you.

Take care of the little things and the big things will be taken care with ease.

Lead From Within: As leaders with all our responsibilities and our functions, it’s hard to do all things great, but if as leaders we take care of the small things with excellence then we will have accomplished the big things with success.

Additional Reading:

Not Every Problem Needs A Solution
Spend Your Time Feeding Your Soul  
How To Make The Most Of Our Mistakes
Conquer Your Fears To Achieve Your Goals

The post Take Care of the Little Things And The Big Things Will Take Care Of Itself appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

The day started out like every other day. The bus driver went to the garage and started up his bus, just as he had done every day for many years. He drove his bus route, just as he did every day, with no problems or incidents. The bus started and stopped; people got on and got off.

Around midday, however, something out of the ordinary happened: A huge, bulky man got on the bus. He looked to be nearly seven feet tall and was built like a wrestler, with long arms and heavy muscles. He was so massive that his very presence was frightening. This huge man glared at the driver and said simply, “Big John does not need to pay.” And with that, he went to the back of the bus and sat down.”

The driver thought, Who does this guy think he is? Everyone pays! As he kept thinking, he found himself getting upset: The audacity of this man! How dare he come on my bus and speak to me with such disrespect!

The more he thought about it—and he thought about it all day—the more furious he became. But in reality, the driver could do nothing about it. He was a small man, certainly no match for a giant. So he allowed Big John to remain on the bus, but he was far from happy.

The next day the same thing happened: Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, until a full year had passed.

In that year, the driver had made the transition from short-term rage to long-term stress. He was losing sleep, his appetite was suffering, and he was fighting with everyone at work and with everyone he loved. He knew he was losing it, big time.

So he decided to do something about it. He signed up for bodybuilding courses, karate, judo, wrestling, fencing—you name it, he did it. He enrolled in anything that could build up his strength, his stamina, and his self-confidence.

The next six months were busy but good, and the driver was feeling more confident and strong every day.

One morning, he knew the day had come. And this time, when Big John got on the bus and said, “Big John doesn’t pay,” the driver stood up assertively, glared back, and screamed, “And why not?”

With a surprised look on his face, the passenger shrugged and replied, “Big John has a bus pass.”

Lead From Within: Before you make assumptions, before you pass judgment, before you start working to fix a situation, make sure you know what the problem really is. Because not every problem needs a solution and understanding the problem is always the first step to finding a good solution.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal .

Additional Reading:

The Best Leaders Are Critical Thinkers
Get Mad But Don’t Get Even
The Power of Being Your Best
Why You Should Play on Your Strengths–Not Focus on Your Weaknesses

The post Not Every Problem Needs A Solution appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

There are lots of ways to lead and lots of contexts for showing leadership. Leadership is as individual as the people who practice it; it doesn’t depend on your age, sex, education, or culture.

But there’s one thing that all true leaders share: The best Leaders are honest and that honesty begins with, and about, themselves. They understand who they are and who they are not.

It takes an honest heart to be truthful, and it takes an open mind to be straightforward.

Honesty is more complex than just not lying—it’s a commitment to knowing and understanding the truth, speaking the truth, and leading from the truth.

To be an honest leader takes strength and courage. Here’s how to make sure your own leadership reflects your personal honesty:

Look within. The best leaders don’t strive for perfection but for growth and progress. By being truthful with yourself, you have a realistic sense of where you are and where you want to be. Then share that same perspective with those around you.

Be sincerely responsible. Hold yourself responsible and accountable for who you are and what you do. Don’t allow yourself to be careless with the truth, even in small matters. That way you can know (and demonstrate) that you are worthy to be trusted in the big matters.

Be led by your values. To gain a reputation of being authentic and honest, always lead with your values. When you do, people understand that your words have meaning and integrity.

Honesty is the cornerstone of your leadership. Tend to it carefully, because respect is earned. Trust is gained. Loyalty is returned and honesty is essential.

Lead From Within: Honest leaders are memorable. They keep check on themselves, demonstrate sincerity, lead by their values, and are ruled by their principles.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal.

Additional Reading:

• The Measure Of A Leader

• Are You Adding Value Or Subtracting Value

• Intelligence is Important but Integrity Matters More

• Spend Your Time Feeding Your Soul

The post Honest Hearts Produce Honest Leaders appeared first on Lolly Daskal.