Lolly Daskal's Blog, page 128

I wear many hats, and one of them is being a motivational speaker. I love that part of my work, but when I get hired, without fail, the client always asks, “Can you really get them motivated? Can you really give them drive?”

And I always reply with utter confidence, “Yes, I can.” Because I know the motivation they’re seeking really starts from within.

Motivation is an individual response to an unfolding of pattern of inner needs, ranging from respect to recognition to relevance.

Motivation answers the basic question of why people do what they do and why they behave in a certain way. So if I can address people from within, I know they will be motivated.

Motivational drivers are different for everyone. They are as unique as we are.

To understand motivation we must know what drives us.

Here are a few motivators:  




Recognition. The need to be recognized is a significant motivator. We all want to know that we are appreciated. We seek validation from external sources. Feeling undervalued or unappreciated usually ends up as a lack of motivation.

Freedom. The need to have freedom is an important motivator. Freedom activates our own self-empowerment. Freedom prompts us to make decisions, to take ownership, to be responsible, to make plans, to dream big

Impact. The urge to have an impact is powerful motivator. People who have influence chance things. They get things done and they attain respect.  The idea of having impact motivates us to think deeper about how we can use our talent and influence.

Service. The urge to be of service is one of our strongest motivators; it comes not from our ego, but from our heart. It is based not in personal gain but in making a difference in people’s lives.

Passion. The power of our passion is a profound motivator. The desire to get things done, to excel, to give of ourselves—those are all grounded in passion, the powerful feeling of enthusiasm that we all have inside of us.

Meaning. The desire for meaning is a revealing motivator, because one of the things we all share is a desire for a higher purpose, a yearning to be part of something bigger than ourselves. It is meaning that makes our lives into a calling.

The specific  motivators are different for each person, but we can find ours by addressing our value system. That means the most reliable source of motivation will come from one person, and that person is you.

Motivators compel you into action. Values are principles that guide your actions.

 Motivation stirs the heart; it is the driving force of our achievements.

 



There are many ways to motivate others, but first you must know what motivates you. Only a motivated leader motivates others.

Motivation is caught, not taught.

 



Lead From Within: To find your motivation, you must constantly make an  effort to understand yourself and provide yourself with the means of addressing your own drivers.

Lolly Daskal is the president and founder of Lead From Within a coaching and consultant firm that manages large scale corporate coaching and custom made leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

© 2013 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.

The post Your Leadership Motivation Starts Within appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

Everyone has the potential to be a leader, regardless of title or position.

But many people give themselves the title of leader, and expect others to think of them as a leader without actually understanding the meaning of leadership.

There are also those who have been positioned as a leader by others. They may be ranked at the top of a hierarchy and hold an important position, but who fail us when we need them.

Whether we are granted the title of leader by others or take it upon ourselves, we must remember that leadership is an honor and a privilege and something that must be earned—because others are counting on us and they are placing their trust in us.

Leadership, regardless of labels, must be earned.

 




In short, you earn leadership by knowing what matters.

Behavior matters. It doesn’t matter what your rank or role may be, where you come from, or if your title sounds impressive, you are not leader if your behaviors don’t demonstrate the integrity of doing the right thing.

Trust matters. Leaders must earn trust. You must set the example, know that you are setting the example, and have a deep understanding that trustworthiness takes character. To be trusting requires values, to be trusted requires earning the privilege.

Service matters. True leaders understand: Leadership is not about you but about those you serve. It is not about ennobling yourself but bringing others up. The best way to earn your leadership is to lose yourself in the service of elevating others.

Influence matters. Leadership is neither a title nor a position, it is a demonstration of character that is worthy of imitation, emulation and inspiration.

“Why” matters. When you dig deep into an organization and employees can tell you the deeper purpose and the mission of their organization, you will discover strong leadership there. Leadership means knowing how to manage and empower every level of your organization.

Listen to learn. Learn to earn.  Earn to lead.

 




Earning the title of leader does not depend on how many diplomas we have received, or which corner office we have, or how much money we make, or what title we decide to give ourselves.

Leaders in all realms of life and leadership know that the power they have come to hold exists because they have earned the responsibility of serving the many. Leadership is ultimately a position of service, trust, and character

Lead From Within: Leadership is not patronage, power and position. It is about the service you give to show you care, the trust you bestow to show your integrity, the character you embody.  It’s more about reaching out instead of climbing up.

Lolly Daskal is the president and founder of Lead From Within a coaching and consultant firm that manages large scale corporate coaching and custom made leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

© 2013 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.

 

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When things get messed up—and they do—some people respond with lying, denying or minimizing their own responsibility.

Leaders know that to be respected or trusted they must be accountable. They must be willing to be responsible even before they know how things will turn out.

If it is to be, it’s up to me:

Accountability starts with you. It means you are responsible. It’s not so much a way of thinking as a way of being, and it starts from within.

Accountability is about being reliable. Ask yourself “Can people count on me to do what I say I’ll do, as I said I would do it?” You must always keep your word.

Accountability is ownership. It’s the willingness to hold yourself to account, it means taking totally ownership no matter the mess up

Accountability is about creating clarity. When you are accountable you clear up the gaps and voids of expectations and what you are going to be doing.

Accountability is about trustworthiness. When you are responsible and you make a commitment, you hold yourself to a high standard where others know and can trust in you.

Accountability is a partnership. Partnerships are about support and mutual accountability; when you are held accountable by a partner, it’s important to recognize and respect the power of their intention and respond with appreciation rather than anger.

Successful leaders front load accountability into their leadership development.

 

Being accountable begins with accepting responsibility and leading from a place of action.
Choices + Behaviors + Actions = Accountability

I am accountable means you are able to count on me: if it is to be, it’s up to me.

Great leaders who are bound by their word are liberated by their accountability.

 

Lead From Within: You are the leader of your life. Consider the importance of accountability and work to incorporate it in every area you influence.

Lolly Daskal is the president and founder of Lead From Within a coaching and consultant firm that manages large scale corporate coaching and custom made leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

© 2013 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.

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Life is always telling us what we need to START doing. But it does not concentrate as much on the things we need to STOP doing.

We use all kinds of strategies to stop our life, love, and leadership and we have all kinds of mechanisms that we have cultivated in order to stop moving forward.

There are people who will laugh just so they can stop their tears.

There are people who will be center of attention just so they can stop feeling lonely.

There are people who will pretend to be happy just so they can stop their sadness.

What we don’t realize is that sometimes our behaviors keep us hidden from our greatness.

If we are to be successful this year in our life, leadership, and loving, we might need to put a stop to a few things

I have put together a short STOP list. Feel free to add your own items.




LIFE:

Stop being late.

Stop being so sad.

Stop bragging.

Stop doubting yourself.

Stop being so anxious.

Stop thinking you are the only one suffering.

Stop complaining.

Stop being so dramatic.

Stop being a martyr.

Stop being so ashamed.

Stop doing things you don’t believe in.

Stop thinking you are not worthy.

Stop being so angry.

Stop lying.

Stop wondering “what if.”




LEADERSHIP:

Stop interrupting.

Stop over scheduling.

Stop being bossy.

Stop being afraid of success.

Stop working so hard for so little.

Stop being a perfectionist.

Stop being judgmental.

Stop sabotaging yourself.

Stop being hypocritical.

Stop being narcissistic.

Stop criticizing others.

Stop having an affair.

Stop being an enabler.

Stop being a cliche.

Stop craving public attention.




LOVING:

Stop settling.

Stop being mean.

Stop arguing.

Stop being unhappy.

Stop looking over your shoulder for better.

Stop being moody.

Stop running from relationships.

Stop blaming yourself.

Stop being selfish.

Stop apologizing for yourself.

Stop being rude.

Stop philandering.

Stop being down on yourself.

Stop being spoiled.

Stop being afraid of commitment.

To stop is to change and to change is to transform.

 




What we have been doing does not have to become our fate. We can always choose to stop:

Stop impacting our lives in negatives ways.

Stop defining our moments by the behaviors of the past.

Stop reliving our habits that don’t work for us.

And, most of all stop apologizing for who we are.

Life is about learning, growing, and constantly developing.

We have starting many things, we are learning many things, and sometimes we have to stop many things.

You can’t stop the future or rewind the past, but you can stop what is not working in the present.

 




The time to stop is now because everything we want to achieve, to learn, to share can begin right now. If we don’t live within our best, if we don’t love with all our heart, if we don’t lead with compassion, then when will we?

Lead From Within: be the kind of leader who stops competing, stops judging, stops comparing, stops blaming and become a better you. For who? For you. When? Now!

Lolly Daskal is the president and founder of Lead From Within a coaching and consultant firm that manages large scale corporate coaching and custom made leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

© 2013 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.

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As one year comes to close and another begins, we are drawn to making new plans, setting new goals, and assessing whether we have made a difference.

For many of us, that assessment begins with questioning everything that we have done, everything we are about to do, and everything we might do.

It’s a rare thing to have great questions, let alone great answers.

But when we can ask ourselves the right questions, they can lead us to insightful answers.

The following questions can make a difference in your life:

What am I most passionate about? What do you love with all your heart? What do you feel strongly about? Ask yourself, are you living a life of passion?

Who can I encourage? We all (myself included) need encouragement from time to time. Who do you know who may be struggling and in need of help?

What do I need to let go of?   Let go of baggage.You know the people you need to forgive, relationships that need to end. Let go and lighten your load for your journey. How will you open your heart and allow yourself to let go?

What am I grateful for? To be grateful is to acknowledge all that is good in your life. It is the foundation of abundance. What are you grateful for and who do you need to thank?

How can I add value to others? Life is about service to others, and there are many opportunities to serve and to make a difference. Where and how will you add value?

Who do I love and what am I doing about it? We can get so caught up in our day-to-day stresses that we lose our connection, our desire to be loved and loving. Where can you focus on love?

What am I pretending not to know? All possibilities open up when we stop deceiving ourselves. If you stop pretending, life can be easier to face.

What would I do if fear was not an option? We have assigned immense power to our fears. How can we liberate ourselves from our fear and allow our heart to set us free? Think of that one thing, that scares you and go out and do it today!

How do I want the world to be different because I lived in it? We each have a purpose and we create our lives by living our passion and we make a difference by sharing our heart. What mark are you leaving on this world and how will you be remembered? 

At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.

By asking ourselves questions that force us to think, feel, and look within ourselves, we can confront what is important to us.

Questions are an invitation to learn more about what we value most.

 



Many of us look at our problems and challenges and try to find ways to solve them and when we know our values our decisions become easier.

Living is an art of expression; reasoning is an art of thought.

 



Do not allow your reasoning to get in the way of your living. Approach all that you do with the right questions and then make the time to live with what matters most to you.

Lead From Within: If you want to make a difference in your life and your leadership, you must begin by asking yourself questions that provoke thought, focus and action that leads to a life of more meaning and more substance.

Lolly Daskal is the president and founder of Lead From Within a coaching and consultant firm that manages large scale corporate coaching and custom made leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

© 2013 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.

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When it comes to giving gifts, we all think about things we can purchase or make. But to give a gift whose value endures, give it from your heart.

 The best gifts are given from the heart.

 

A gift that is given from the heart, given to the right person at the right time and place, given with expectation of nothing in return, is a gift that will keep on giving.

In the language of the heart, giving translates as offering a part of yourself to someone who, at that moment, needs it more than you do.

So give from the heart to those who need to receive the most:

To those who feel betrayed, give the gift of loyalty.

To those who feel anxious, give the gift of tranquility.

To those who feel isolated, give the gift of belonging.

To those who feel ambiguity, give the gift of certainty.

To those who feel pain, give the gift of comfort.

To those who feel vulnerable, give the gift of safety.

To those who feel insecure, give the gift of confidence.

To those who feel lost, give the gift of guidance.

To those who feel dissatisfied, give the gift of contentment.

To those who feel envious, give the gift of worthiness.

To those who feel empty, give the gift of admiration.

To those who feel distressed, give the gift of calmness.

To those who feel unheard, give the gift of listening.

To those who feel angry, give the gift of  love.

The most meaningful gifts are often the ones that come from the heart and are given in compassion and love.

Giving is a way of filling your own heart, but the true gift will be in the receiving.

 



As we look beyond the gifts we have been given to those we are receiving, know that there is a plan and purpose in these gifts, just as there is a plan and purpose within each new challenge and adventure.

Lead From Within: By giving from the heart you not only honor others, you also honor yourself because you are allowing your heart to do what it was made to do – give and receive.

Lolly Daskal is the president and founder of Lead From Within a coaching and consultant firm that manages large scale corporate coaching and custom made leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

© 2013 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.

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There are many articles written about the benefits of giving, the power of giving, the gift of giving. But we don’t see many articles on receiving.

We are constantly told that it is better to give than to receive. And we have come to accept that giving is right and receiving is wrong, that giving is strong and taking is weak.

But life is not structured that way. It is about not only giving but circular motion, ebb and flow, give and take.

Life is not only about giving but learning the gift of receiving. And as we have worked to become the best givers, we have shut ourselves off from receiving.

The gift of receiving teaches us that everything is interconnected.

For one person to receive, someone else has to give.

It’s a cycle and we need to develop new skills to experience it all:

Know you are good enough. Once you’ve begun accepting your own gifts, you’re ready to receive the gifts of others.

Make space for receiving.  Start small, by receiving a smile or a hug. Get used to receiving and being grateful.

Open your heart. Cherish the fact that other people want to give to you. Until we can receive with an open heart, we’re never really giving with an open heart.

Put an end to keeping score. Remember that life has its way of giving us what we need and that gifts keep going around and around.

Stop being disappointment. Embrace what is being offered, however imperfectly, and go with what is being given. Remember that people give what they can.

 We are great givers, but we have lost the gift of receiving.

 



The gift of receiving is not only about getting more out of life; it is about receiving life as a gift.

Our lives reflect a universal process. All of reality shares in our struggles, feels our pain, celebrates our joy, and cheers us on to live fully.

Conversely, all of reality hurts when we inflict pain upon others and ourselves. We are all connected—to one another, to the universe, and to all that is.

No matter what we tell ourselves, we are not alone.

Knowing this and understanding this may help us comprehend that ~for every gift there is a receiver, for every receiver there is a provider, and for every circumstance there is a supporter.

Once you’ve begun accepting your own gifts, you’re ready to receive the gifts of others.

 



Lead From Within: When you receive, you have an opportunity to give the gift of gratitude, the gift of acknowledgment, the gift of saying, “Yes, I see and appreciate you.”

Lolly Daskal is the president and founder of Lead From Within a coaching and consultant firm that manages large scale corporate coaching and custom made leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

© 2013 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.

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In today’s workplace, there are many people who think that the best way to advance in the work place is to be agreeable.

So many of us have swallowed our own voice for so long that we have forgotten what truth tastes like.

 

We are afraid to use our heart’s voice because:

We are afraid of being reprimanded. When we’re wrapped up in pleasing others, the idea that we will hear something harsh in return keeps us from speaking up.

We are afraid of rejection. The fear of rejection causes us to shy away from the risk of making waves, even when we realize trying to maintain the status quo is ultimately a losing proposition.

We are afraid of conflict. When we fear conflict, we avoid it at all cost—even at the price of our soul.  We tend to align ourselves only with those who think and believe as we do in order to avoid conflict. We think we are playing it safe, but are we?

We are afraid of being rude. But is it rude when we express ourselves, when we give our opinion? What an excellent thing to be as rude as that with our convictions.

We are afraid of being alienated. Nobody wants to be on on the outskirts, but when we don’t speak up we alienate ourselves from ourselves.

We are afraid of hurting people’s feelings. Empathy is a virtue, but when we’re overly empathetic we can lose our sense of self.

We are afraid of losing the approval of others. Many of us are people pleasers and want to please others at the expense of our own respect. It’s a basic human characteristic to want respect and acceptance.

There are many reasons why we don’t speak up or speak out.  But there is only one reason to speak from the heart.

The voice of the heart stems from our convictions. It allows others to see the character of who you are.

The mind is rational. It says that if we speak out we will be in trouble; if we state what we think there will be consequences.

The best insurance we can take out on our leadership is to invest in the message of our words, by voicing our heart.

We owe it to ourselves not to be afraid of our voice. It is not there to be silent.

It there to let us know that we have something worthwhile to say.

In our efforts to protect ourselves from pain, from fear, from sadness, from discomfort, from failure, from the parts of our life we have been conditioned to believe are dangerous or dark, we have stopped voicing our truth.

The masks we wear to protect ourselves are armors, but they don’t really protect us— they just numb us

 



Voice your heart- you owe it to yourself not to be anesthetized, the truth isn’t always beauty, but the desire for it is.

Lead From Within:. Life is too precious to waste our time on not voicing our heart. Speak up today. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Lolly Daskal is the president and founder of Lead From Within a coaching and consultant firm that manages large scale corporate coaching and custom made leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

© 2013 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.

The post Voice Your Heart: You Owe It to Yourself appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

He sat across from me and he looked miserable. He hated his job and he was going through the motions automatically, with no heart.

He felt that the large corporation where he worked was not interested in change or growth. Everything was about checking off the box, just following a process without meaning.

When he first arrived there, over 12 years ago, he was ambitious and enthusiastic. He thought he could change and inspire his organization.

But now the company had taken away part of his inner drive.

“Why don’t you leave?” I asked.

“For many reasons,” he replied. “It’s about safety and security. I have a nice salary, great bonuses, fantastic stock options. I have a family a wife and children I must support.”

“So how does it feel to come to work every morning?”

“Painful.”

“And how does it feel when you go home?”

“I just go into my study and check out.”

“So your home life is suffering and you are miserable at work. Why not make a change?”

“I’m scared.” He said almost in a whisper.

When struggle is present, life is asking us to open the door to risk and face our fears and answer it with courage.

When we don’t allow risk in we allow fear to reside within us. But if we live with the knowledge that risk can be our constant companion, then when it comes knocking we can welcome it as a friend in spite of our fears.

When we close the door to risk we spend our life narrowing our perspective and we are diminishing our possibilities.

When we don’t allow ourselves to risk, we settle.

We settle for mediocrity: we allow ourselves to believe that sameness will give us what we want, when what we are really doing is closing ourselves off to possibility and significance. Mediocrity keeps us simple and small.

We do not learn by doing, we learn by risking.

 

We settle for fear: To risk is to take ourselves into unfamiliar territory, and it is frightening for many. We need to look fear in the eye and face it with courage. People who live life in fear of taking risks settle without living.

Fear itself for any of us is inescapable if we are looking for significance in our lives.

 

We settle for safety: Being safe and feeling comfortable doesn’t mean you won’t be sorry, but it does mean that you’ve decided that you don’t want to grow and learn anymore.

 The desire for safety stands against every great and noble cause and purpose.

 

We settle for discomfort: Many of us are struggling and are feeling the discomfort of our lives. We tell ourselves we can live with the pain and the struggle, but can we really? Or are we so afraid to take the steps out of our comfort zone that we make ourselves numb to our reality, pretending we are OK?

 No one is free of fearless life. We all face fear whether we want to or not. 

 

We settle for mistrust: When it comes to trust, trust starts with self. When we settle for mistrust, we are mistrusting ourselves. By settling we are disempowering ourselves, disappointing ourselves, and creating our own discouragement. If we think we wont suffer if we stay, our lack of self-trust leads to injustice against ourselves.

When we settle for mistrust we are at risk of losing out on the rewards of our life.  

 

Life is about attempting to find simple answers to hard questions, and the only way to find our meaning is to risk and to completely stay open.

Being open means we might fail.

Being open means we might get hurt.

Being open means we might make mistakes.

But the simple act of opening the door puts us on the other side of courage.

The investment you make in yourself is huge and priceless.

When risk comes, will you open the door wide and make it your ally, or will you stand there in fear not answering?

Lead From Within: Avoidable risk comes from not knowing what you’re doing. To help with risk management, Make a plan and follow through with passion, persistence, and perseverance. Each of us must learn to open the door to risk until there is nothing between ourselves and our purpose.

For coaching, consulting, workshops and speaking. Please feel free to contact me.

© 2013 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.

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In America this week, we will be celebrating Thanksgiving. Many will spend the day with family, eating a scrumptious meal in the company of loved ones and celebrating with a grateful heart.

But what happens when things have gone wrong and we have a struggling heart?

No one feels grateful when they lose their job.

No one feels grateful when they find out they have cancer.

No one feels grateful when they are losing their home.

As human beings, we possess the desire to know ourselves and find meaning, but the truth is life is often difficult and the last thing we want is to be grateful.

However the grateful heart holds the release from the roots of our suffering and the liberation of our pain.

One cannot walk two paths at the same time, particularly when they go in different directions.

 



The mind struggles with gratitude; it wants to engrain in us what we don’t have and what we could acquire or should get.

It is the grateful heart that urges the struggling heart to remember what we have, what we have achieved, what we can become.

It is grateful heart that allows us to see how good outweighs evil, how love supersedes jealousy, how light drives out darkness.

The grateful heart that knows that the pangs of pain are the lessons of our lives.

 



The grateful heart helps us cope with adversity. It teaches us to show appreciation and compassion toward ourselves, and it takes us outside our scope of struggle so we see ourselves as part of an intricate system of interconnectedness.

Gratitude as a practice, is not easy. But making gratitude a part of our lives, whatever we are going through, will help us access it when we most require it.

In the face of brokenness, gratitude has the power to heal.

In the face of despair, gratitude has the power to bring relief.

In the struggling heart lies the memory of the grateful heart.

 



On this Thanksgiving, remember that struggle and strife are always with us in some form, and as we travel our courage and patience are gifts, and the limited expectations we have in ourselves are replaced by the grateful heart– one that requires constant attention and consistent practice.

Foster an attitude of gratitude to survive life’s limitations and tribulations.

 



Lead From Within: This Thanksgiving, expand your circle of celebration beyond your family. Look around you to those who are struggling and reach out to them make them part of your celebration.

For coaching, consulting, workshops and speaking. Please feel free to contact me.

© 2013 Lolly Daskal. All rights reserved.

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