C. JoyBell C.'s Blog, page 49

I keep on saying this, but I don't understand the attempt that people make to separate love and lust. Must you love one thing, and lust after another thing? I wish to love what I lust and lust what I love. And religion says there must be a division of this, a separation of heart and flesh, but I say, why? A whole being has both heart and flesh, why does religion attempt to diffuse the whole being? To make it less powerful? There is power in the union of both heart and flesh, and I will always believe, that there exists a perfect unity and harmony of love, and of lust, and of beauty. There is a unison of the three, in a single being.



Now, yes, there is a distinction between lust and love, and I never say that love and lust are the same, I only say that flesh and heart need not be separated. Day is not the same as night, yet there would be no day if there were no night and there would be no night if there were no day. I know the difference between day and night, but I do not say "We must cling to the day and eradicate the night!" If every man lusted after what he loved, there would be no crying women, and vice versa. But since man is taught to love one thing and lust another thing, many things are broken. When flesh and soul are broken apart, many things are broken as a result of this!



Which leads us to the question: Which should come first? Night? Or day? Would it make any difference if you were born at nighttime? Or at daytime? Does night precede day? Or does day precede night? Neither, because it is a cycle! Or maybe you fall in love at first sight, and at the same time you fall equally in lust with that same person! Then that would mean you are in between night and day (12 AM) which is isn't any less powerful, perhaps more powerful as this combines the meeting of both night and day! I do believe there is a great "breakage" that is happening in the thoughts of mankind, due to this belief that one must lust after one type of person, and save the love for another type of person, that one must fall in love first, and lust later, or that one must be in love with one thing and then lust after other things on the side! This all creates "breakage" in so many different areas! Broken hearts. Heartache. Now what if every person were innately aligned heart-and-flesh, strongly and powerfully? Then every human would lust what he loves and love what he lusts! It is the destroying and the pulling down and the humiliating and the "public scorn" and the "bringing down to the levels of sin" that is done to lust, that creates all this breakage! Because, you cannot destroy and bring down low one part of you, that is naturally a part of you! But you have to honor what is yours! Honor your lust, bring it up to the levels of how you see your love! Because this is a part of your flesh! The flesh that carries your soul on this earth! And your lust will in turn honor you! It will not lead you astray!



If flesh weren't meant for soul, and soul weren't meant for flesh, in this life on earth, then we wouldn't be soul inside flesh, as we are right now! If it weren't supposed to be so, then it wouldn't be so. There must be a reason why institutions immediately begin to teach us the division of soul and flesh, at a young age. A soul cannot exist on this earth living this journey, without flesh! And flesh is dead without the soul! The two are different, but the two need each other.



They say all evil comes from the working of the flesh, I beg to differ! If goodness and peace and serenity and joy are of the soul, then why are the other unseen things such as evil and worry and anxiety and hate suddenly of the flesh? All unseen things are of the soul! A hateful person is a hateful soul, not a hateful flesh! An evil person is a dark soul, not a fouled flesh! People are afraid of corrupting their souls into evil through the workings of the flesh! But can a soul be corrupted by dirty hands? Or is it a dirty soul that makes the hands do corrupted things? Because if a soul can be corrupted through unwashed hands, how weak, weak, weak is the soul of man! Christ Himself said "You attempt to purify your soul by the washing of your hands?"



So don't chastise your body because it seeks happiness and not joy, because it seeks lust and not love! Your body is what is seen, and it thrives upon what is seen; just as your soul is unseen and thrives upon what is unseen! Now here is your choice: which unseen things to feast upon, and which seen things to welcome!








Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

They say that life is a great learning process, and that you can go on and on in a never-ending learning experience, but I am ready to let go of the learning, I am tired of the pain and the strain and weight of  heavy burdens. I am tired of the fears, the insecurities. I am done with learning, from now on I only want to have, to be, and to belong to.



I can, because I am. Not I will because I will learn to.



Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

This afternoon, the sky was stung with a red hue, the air wasn't transparent but it was colored! Colored in a red hue that glowed and that overcame. The clouds though, remained a dark grey. The colored air creeped in through the veranda, and I knew I needed to go down; into the garden by the pool, I stood under the reddish sky with grey clouds and it began to drizzle, yet as I stepped closer and closer to the pool, the rain ceased and gave way to me. My chest felt filled with this red hue, so filled that I feared for my life! And the water...the water in the pool did not reflect the sky, but was a deep, opaque turquoise that danced to an unheard and unfelt tune! No wind! But the water swayed! A red in the air, that wouldn't reflect upon the water! I looked into the pool, there was nothing! No tinge of red, no tinge of grey clouds, it was only opaque and turquoise and deep, and it called me to jump into it!



I stood by the water and under the red, consuming it all into me. And as I breathed it in, it faded into me, it entered my soul.



Something was very different about today. Yes, today there was something very different...





Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.



This is not fiction

She does not remorse the dissolving of her marriage; because it is through this process of crumbling that she found a friend. Before they wed, they were never really friends, and while they were married, they never really became friends, but after they decided that their destinies were no longer connected; they did become friends, through this process of coming apart, they came together in a way that was probably meant to be from the very beginning. It was meant to be a great friendship, not a great love nor a great lust, but a great friendship. So what is there to remorse and to mourn, in that? In the divergence of two roads that are each leading to individual destinies, while also revealing the original destiny to begin with? And in the gaining of a friend? There is no remorse in that. The marriage had to be removed, to reveal the friendship.



- Excerpt from unpublished story (untitled)

Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

An Attempt To Explain Something




I will attempt to explain the lack of ability in people to support one another. Perhaps you come from a very supportive family, and are surrounded by a very supportive and loving circle of friends. But if you are not that fortunate, you will know what it feels like to never receive support from the people who claim to love you, not on any of your endeavors and not for any of your achievements, journeys, successes. I am going to explain the lack of this basic ability, in humans (some humans).



In his or her natural state, a person is eager, feels eager to support the victories and achievements, the goals and odysseys, of their fellow family member or friend; when a loved one achieves a dream, this is a cause for celebration but when a loved one falls, this is a cause for agony and they fall right along with their friend or family member. But there is an unnatural state of man, which unfortunately is more common, and it is the opposite of that!



It is all too common for family to be unsupportive and even ignore each others' achievements; each person wanting to be the more successful one, the brighter one, the more wonderful one, the more desired one, the more beautiful one, the greater one...nobody wants to look at the other and say "You're more beautiful than I am" or "You are more successful than I am" or "I support you, I am happy for all your endeavors and achievements and every dream of yours that has come true!" People don't want to say that, because they want to be the ones to have that, they want to be the ones to be in that position! People are not going to praise or support anybody whom they believe is more beautiful than they are, or whom they believe is more talented or more capable or more admirable; because they want to be that person! It is a waxing cold of the natural state of love. Instead of recognizing that the family unit is a unit and if one falls, that is the fall of all, when one rises, it is the celebration of all; people are beginning to see the family unit as a realm of competition and self-gain. And this is the downfall of mankind! They push each other out of the boat because they want to be the only one in it, and in the end, the boat will be empty, afloat, adrift, abandoned: a forgotten thing!



I have seen that the ability to support, celebrate, praise, compliment, encourage, and nourish, come only from those who are themselves happy! Only a truly happy person who believes in him/herself, is able to praise another, to uplift another, to nourish another, to celebrate another!



As for me, I have always been the nourishing type, the uplifting type, the person who will support a loved one to all lengths, even throughout my lowest days, my weakest hours, my most downtrodden circumstances. And so I am able to give and to support not only from my own happiness, but even through my weakness. I have the ability to go beyond. And I have seen others who have the same ability, who have impressed me!



But this is my explanation of the lack of the ability to support and to cherish, to help and to nourish, that I have found in many people: that they themselves lack a full sense of happiness and self-worth, and they feel in their innermost selves, that if they take any of anything within themselves that is capable of celebrating, that is capable of nourishing, that is capable of praising; they will wither up completely and will be left with nothing for themselves! This goes beyond a selfishness and into territories of envy, it goes beyond selfishness and into the realm of unawareness! Do they not know, that a joy planted in another, is a joy reaped for all? Do you not know, that a helping hand stretched out to the one you love, is a helping hand that you yourself will one day need stretched out for you?



People are like candles; some are small candles with small flames that light up the vision, while others are glorious Roman candles that burn ablaze like a wildfire and light up the Heavens. When your flame is small, your wax melts slowly; when your flame is great, your wax melts profusely! So there is no small candle that should have the audacity to say to the Roman candle "I will not lend you my flame, because you already burn so bright, I will keep all of my flame to myself, because you have so much more than I" and "If only I could put your flame out, everyone would see me, not you! I would be the one burning brightly into the Heavens, not you!" because a great flame can light up a small wick, but a small wick cannot put out a great fire. And a small candle must not desire to endure the flame of the glorious Roman candle, because if so, it's wax would melt into a liquid puddle on the table, within nothing but a moment!



Small candles, do not judge the grand candles that endure the heat of their own flames!





Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

"Oh I'm not about to give without getting. Well of course you want me to "give without expecting anything in return"! That would make things sweet for you, eh? Half of the world wants the other half to listen to doctrine and "give without expecting anything in return" so they can sit there and take everything without having to give anything! And all they have to do is tell that other half "Oh you're so Christian-like!" and the poor blind souls would leap out into the street in front of a speeding bus, again, for them! Now, why should I give without getting? I'm not selfless! And if that's not Christian-like, well I didn't say I was Christian-like anyway! Why don't you go and try to be Christian-like the way you want everybody else to be, and let's see if you'll be happy! But you wouldn't do that, would you? You wouldn't do that, because you're too smart for that! Did you think I wasn't any smarter than you? Well I'm not selfless and I'm not going to give without getting, you go first! And then I'll see if I believe you! Why should I go first, honey,  I'm no fool!"



– Calla (protagonist in my unpublished novel Honey, I'm No Fool!)



Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

One time, in Florence in Italy, I saw a supermodel. Now, it just so happens that I seem to often be in the same venue as models and run in to them a lot (none of them are kind to me in any way whatsoever) but they're usually just models, this one time in Florence I am certain I was looking at a supermodel. The woman was extremely tall, dressed in equally extremely expensive couture from head to toe, she had a beautiful face and fine makeup on that face. But though she was cradled in refinement and clothed in expensive couture, there was a sick aroma of depression that emanated from her. She reeked so much of this foul "smell," that from across the street on the other side, she caught my attention! It was like a carcass. A rotting carcass. As I watched her walking on the other side of the street, it was as if I was being stabbed in the heart! This woman's legs were as small as my arms! Her arms as small as my fingers! Her fingers as small as the strands of hair on my head (and the strands of hair on my head are not individually thick). She was so malnourished, and that malnutrition of her body screamed out for attention, was screaming out to be seen and heard and attended to! I could feel the cells in her body, her tissues, bone and marrow, and ligaments– they were calling out from the brink of despair and death!  I could feel that. And yet, this woman woke up every day, looked in the mirror (I suppose) and clothed herself in designer apparel and attended designers' parties and walked the catwalk and lived life as if nothing was wrong! I wanted to literally run to the other side of the street and tell her to please, please, eat something. But in a split second, I didn't want to go near her because she reeked so much of that despair and depression, and it almost clung to me!



The woman in Florence was clearly someone who was purposely staying that thin for a reason, that reason being her profession as a supermodel. She obviously wasn't impoverished, yet along with her she brought the ten thousand dark and dreary clouds of poverty and destitution. Right now there is a famine going on in Africa, and even without this famine going on right now, there are always malnourished children drying up and dying in Africa like shriveled things on the streets. They dry up and die, because they have no money, they have no food; this is malnutrition! 



Yesterday I saw a photo of a supermodel which took me back to that moment on the streets of Florence, Italy. And that photo made me realize, that though I only saw one supermodel like that in person, she is not alone; she has many friends! Women like her are many! And it doesn't stop with just her and her friends, but it goes on and on with all the women in the world who look at their pictures and billboards and t.v. ads and fashion shows and want to be like them! I hereby conclude, that in the West, malnutrition is a state of mind rather than a physical state; malnutrition is happening in the minds of Western women, and I think it is an equally devastating state! Because how devastating is it, to have the money to buy food, to have the status and be in the position to eat whatever you want and enjoy life to the fullest; yet to continually deny your body all of that! The fashion industry is a religion; it demands the denial of one's physical body for the favor of "professionalism"(good modeling skills, good work ethics, the cultivation of personality, etc.) so what is the difference? Religious people are so quick to judge supermodels, calling them self-inflicted anorexics, shallow and vain! But what is the difference, really? The separation of flesh and spirit, the denial of flesh for what is inside! I tell you now! Supermodels are not shallow and vain! Supermodels are less vain than you are! They deny their flesh, every day! They put their bodies in palaces surrounded and emulsified in all the best food, luxury, and opportunity, and they let their bodies suffer, they let their bodies agonize and drool and they deny their bodies completely. This is not a vanity. This is a malnutrition of the mind! The fashion industry is a dark religion that acknowledges no one divine entity, but performs this "editing of the mind" in the name of beauty. I tell you right now, this is not beauty. Yes, they may perhaps find some beautiful women (not all of them are beautiful, but some are) but they then "edit" these women into something that is no longer beautiful! Into something that is every day on the brink of falling down to the ground and returning to the dust. From dust to dust, ashes to ashes...



One could argue "What if they are just that way? What if they are just skinny like that?" Even people who are "naturally" like that, have an underlying bug in the back of their heads; there is a reason why, and that reason can always be medicated. And there is always a fine line in the sand between skinny and malnourished. Malnutrition is malnutrition. And let us not fool ourselves! We all know what the industry demands, and then promises in return! In exchange for all that is promised to a supermodel (hot guys, a gigantic paycheck, fame and fortune, happiness...) do you think that women aren't going to starve themselves to death, to get that? Let's not be foolish and act like we don't know human nature. And let's not say "It's a natural body type" so we can then have an excuse for "becoming" that "natural" body type!



So I want to end on this note: That women should be as wary of the ways of the fashion industry, as they are of strange and frightening cults. Yes, let us appreciate fashion, yes let us wear beautiful clothing, yes let us appreciate beauty; but no, let us not be controlled or dictated by this state of mind that can so easily penetrate the female brain! Every time you strive to malnourish yourself, you are mocking the people dying and starving of famine in Africa! Just think what they would say if they found out about supermodels!



xx

The Coming Of The Water Lilies




White water lilies

They float on an

Aquamarine sky

Casting reflections upon my eyes

Like the mirror image of leaves

Swaying and drifting over lakes

In the Amber Autumn




These reflections softly float above me

Like answers to my questions

Like guardians of my soul

And I wait for

The coming of the water lilies




Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.







If you would like to own a beautiful gallery wrapped canvas with this poem on it, just click here!

The story of Jesus is a very beautiful one. It is the story of the God of all gods who had a change of heart towards mankind and it's during this change of heart that He decided He would change the way things were, for the better, once and for all. Knowing that only the blood of the most powerful God could save mankind from unworthiness and judgment, He sent His Son into the world for the human race in an effort to show He would sacrifice His own Son if it meant the eternal pardon of mankind from unworthiness and judgment, and on His Son's flesh and bone, were embedded all the pitfalls and downfalls of mankind. By His Son's blood, all sin was dismissed, for all time. The veil separating God from man was torn and from that day on, mankind has never been unworthy! The price was paid and the ultimate sacrifice was made. The only part that humanity had to take in this grand plan, was to only believe that it all happened, and why.



And so you see, it is the most beautiful story of love between God and man, unbeatable by all Greek, Celtic, Nordic myths and legends. After all, this God is the Alpha and Omega, the God of all other gods, it's only natural that His story for mankind be a much greater one.



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I just want to inform everyone who doesn't already know, that I have opened a store and you are all more than welcome to visit! And I hope that you see something you would like to bring home! :)

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