C. JoyBell C.'s Blog, page 48

I have very recently been able to come full-circle in life. I don't know if that's a correct term, but what I mean is, after a little over a decade, I've been able to complete an entire circle; where the end of the line meets the beginning of it. And after drawing this circle, I've been able to take a few steps back, and look at it. I can see that it was a puzzle, and all those distinct areas that were so very difficult, so very confusing and impossible to make sense of or to understand; fit into each other and are of each other and together create a finished work, a finished product. Individually, each of those circumstances/times appeared to be worthless mistakes, but now that I am able to view them all together, as many parts of a single whole, I see that the picture is perfect. If one thing didn't happen; the better thing would have never taken place. If that didn't take place; that other better thing wouldn't have ever happened. And it's not a succession of steps like on a ladder or a staircase, but more like a waltz! A back-and-forth, a bow, a curtsy, a whole dance on a ballroom floor! A proportioning of different dimensions being brought together as a whole. Perfection.




I therefore conclude, that perfection is a collection of a variety of pieces that, when viewed and felt individually, are difficult and confusing; but when brought together as one, create a perfect picture. This is Symphony, Harmony. This is Serenity.




I spoke to someone about this, immediately as these thoughts came to me over a dinner of seafood so fresh I could truly taste the ocean waves in every bite of squid, tiger prawn, shrimp, and clam that I took! He said "You know, someone once wrote of something similar to what you're saying, he called it The Theory of Chaos or The Chaos Theory, he said something to the effect that as you look into the pattern of a shell from afar (holding it in your hand) you see a perfectly beautiful pattern, but when you were once inside that pattern, it was complete and utter chaos, everything was a mistake and random. But later when you come out of the shell and hold it in your hand and look at it, you see that nothing at all was random!" And so I thought about what he said, and I picked up the clam shell in front of me and looked at it. I cleaned it up and kept it.




This is what perfection is. You have to complete the circle to see the whole picture, you have to come out of the shell to hold it in your hand and look at the pattern on it, to be able to say that it's perfect, to be able to see perfection. So I believe that's why you can't try to control the outcome of everything, you can't try to dictate your life or the lives of your children, because, something perfect is happening, you just don't know it yet. And if you try to dictate everything, you're going to get into the way of perfection, and the result isn't going to be beautiful.







Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

I have very recently been able to come full-circle in life. I don't know if that's a correct term, but what I mean is, after a little over a decade, I've been able to complete an entire circle; where the end of the line meets the beginning of it. And after drawing this circle, I've been able to take a few steps back, and look at it. I can see that it was a puzzle, and all those distinct areas that were so very difficult, so very confusing and impossible to make sense of or to understand; fit into each other and are of each other and together create a finished work, a finished product. Individually, each of those circumstances/times appeared to be worthless mistakes, but now that I am able to view them all together, as many parts of a single whole, I see that the picture is perfect. If one thing didn't happen; the better thing would have never taken place. If that didn't take place; that other better thing wouldn't have ever happened. And it's not a succession of steps like on a ladder or a staircase, but more like a waltz! A back-and-forth, a bow, a curtsy, a whole dance on a ballroom floor! A proportioning of different dimensions being brought together as a whole. Perfection.




I therefore conclude, that perfection is a collection of a variety of pieces that, when viewed and felt individually, are difficult and confusing; but when brought together as one, create a perfect picture. This is Symphony, Harmony. This is Serenity.




I spoke to someone about this, immediately as these thoughts came to me over a dinner of seafood so fresh I could truly taste the ocean waves in every bite of squid, tiger prawn, shrimp, and clam that I took! He said "You know, someone once wrote of something similar to what you're saying, he called it The Theory of Chaos, he said something to the effect that as you look into the pattern of a shell from afar (holding it in your hand) you see a perfectly beautiful pattern, but when you were once inside that pattern, it was complete and utter chaos, everything was a mistake and random. But later when you come out of the shell and hold it in your hand and look at it, you see that nothing at all was random!" And so I thought about what he said, and I picked up the clam shell in front of me and looked at it. I cleaned it up and kept it.




This is what perfection is. You have to complete the circle to see the whole picture, you have to come out of the shell to hold it in your hand and look at the pattern on it, to be able to say that it's perfect, to be able to see perfection. So I believe that's why you can't try to control the outcome of everything, you can't try to dictate your life or the lives of your children, because, something perfect is happening, you just don't know it yet. And if you try to dictate everything, you're going to get into the way of perfection, and the result isn't going to be beautiful.







Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

It Is Perfect



They are like

Many different pieces of a puzzle

Each piece difficult



To comprehend

To understand



None of them made any sense

By themselves

But then they came together

All the pieces fit

Into each other

And of each other



Taking a few steps back

I see

The whole picture

The entire puzzle

Coming together as one



Individually they were

Difficult

Confusing

Hard to understand



But together; coming together

They are

A whole picture; an accomplished puzzle



Perfect.





Copyright © C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

So, it is suggested that eternity is something that "happens" after life on earth, something that is "finally reached." And that the state of your eternity depends on your life on this earth. How funny a thought, to think that eternity depends on what is mortal. I laugh. The outcome of what is greater, depends on the state of what is less? But eternity is then and now and tomorrow. That's how it is eternity. Do you think, that just because you have a mortal body, that you have left eternity and are not overcome by it? A mortal body swims in the ocean of eternal! Eternity is inside you, and is all around you. It is the outcome of the less that depends on the state of the greater. If this were not so, then God would be of no effect to us! And it is because people don't know this, that God has become of no effect to them.




Copyright © C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

As I've already said in my post below this one, I have been spending much time unearthing hidden things lately (stuff left in boxes gathering dust over the years). Just awhile ago I was compelled to share something I wrote a long time ago, and just now I've found another something of mine! I gave it the title "Winter Bloom" and this was written four years ago! It sounds ever-so-slightly childish to me (because I've grown so much since then) but I think it's worth sharing:










Winter Bloom



She's a single winter bloom. A single bloom in the winter. The only thing of color. A single precious life blossoming in the cold, cold snow. And all around her its lifeless. Lifeless and cold. But all her colors against the stark, white snow seem to make it all better. Seem to make the harsh winter okay.



Sometimes when I touch her, she's frozen. Her petals are frosted and icy to the core. Her stem suspended into a life-like etch against the background snow. And her leaves... her leaves become as brittle as the things around her. But still, still she is rooted and still she alone makes the picture so lovely. She never looses her color.



When the sun comes out, it shines for her. Warms her until her heart beats again. Sunbeams tilt her head up towards the warm sky. And the sun shines for her. Just for her.




Sometimes I feel

like a winter bloom.

A scarlet rose 

in the dead of winter.




Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

I have recently been unearthing many old things accumulated over the many years: love letters, greeting cards, notes jotted down in notebooks, writings, etc. Today, I've uncovered a writing of mine that I feel compelled to share with you all! I'm very surprised, because this was written by me many years ago, and I didn't realize, I wasn't aware of the fact, that many years ago I had already begun to write such things! I know that I have been vocal about these things (religion and God and atheism) recently, but I haven't been aware of the fact that my discovery and my writings on these topics began long ago! Here is what I wrote (a small snippet):



"Alas! But before the church existed, God existed! Before they told you who Christ is, Christ was there. I speak of a greater reality than any church! Than the existence of any church! I speak of the reality of God Himself."



"Could there be the belief in God, without the existence of the church?"



"Man has always believed in God! The church has come, and now we have atheists; those who believe that they think there is no God, because they seek the true God. The one undefined by any church! The one untarnished and Holy! Not the one defiled by man's attempts to recreate holiness!"



"Who is God for, then?"



"God is for everyone! No one has the power to turn any man away from God! And that is what religion does! It turns man away from God!"







xx

I often talk about how big a deal culture is when it comes to human interactions. People are quick to dismiss this fact, they shrug their shoulders and say "Oh we're all human and our souls only have one culture so it doesn't really matter, I don't see culture I only see hearts." Very nice words to hear, but very unrealistic. When put into a situation where those very same people need to adjust to people of different mind sets and means of expression, suddenly those very nice words don't have much muscle! That's because, the truth is, we are all affected by our cultures and by the cultures we've been exposed to. We judge people and write them off as being like this and as being like that, when in fact all those "like this's" and "like that's" are cultural differences! Of course, this isn't applicable to every single difference between people, but the greater percentage? Most certainly so.



I have had the vantage point in life, since I was a child, to be immersed first-hand in different cultures. I truly know what the word "adjust" means and I truly know what things begin to look like when people resist compromise and the willingness to understand each other. It can literally break families apart. Right now, I am always the one who steps up in between people in the family and says "Wait a minute, don't say that about her, because this is what her culture is like..." and I explain things. Or I'm the one saying "Wait a minute, it doesn't necessarily mean that, it most probably means this because this is what his culture is like..." and I explain the cultural differences. It's like walking on ice. And I can walk on ice.



To make things easier for people to understand, I like to divide the cultures of the world into two major groups. Of course I know that each and every culture has it's own colors and tunes, but there are two big blankets that cover, that overlay, and it's easier when we look at all people as laying underneath either one of these blankets. This is how I like to show it: one blanket is covered in vibrant, raw colors! Exuberant and flawlessly animated and free! The other blanket is a blanket made of subdued colors! Understated, mute, reserved. I'd like to say that I could roll underneath either blanket and feel comfortable, but to believe that would be naive of me! I can move around well underneath either blanket, but I prefer to sleep under only one. I think that no matter how well you are able to move around underneath these two blankets, you are going to prefer to sleep under just one.



We have very raw and vibrant, expressive and free, uninhibited peoples, such as the Greeks, the Italians, the South Americans, and etc. And there are the very reserved peoples: the French, the Northern Europeans, and various social communities in the United States, the Chinese, and etc. In the Orient, you'll find the most reserved culture is the Chinese culture, with the French culture being the most reserved culture on the European continent (in my opinion and view of things). You may argue that you'll find very understated people in countries like Norway, but the thing about Norwegians for example, is that though they are reserved as a people; once you do make that connection and are able to go beyond that wall, you've found a truly warm, truly giving, truly understanding friend for life! And that's different from lets say, the French, who can be very giving and warm initially, if they so choose to, but then you eventually do hit that wall you aren't allowed to go beyond. So it is the positioning of that wall which makes all the difference! As with the Germans; you hit the wall first, but going beyond that wall you find a friend for life! The Chinese culture is very interesting, as there is absolutely no room for mistakes, there is a wall in the beginning, in the middle, and in the end, and there are so many polite traditions (like the French politeness and traditions), that it's rather difficult to determine if the person is being genuinely loving and accepting, or if that same person is just "performing" what is socially acceptable and expected of him/her! Now, people will always say that the French are snobs, but I strongly disagree. The French are not snobs. When I am in France, I am honestly the biggest snob in France, so it is impossible to believe that the French are snobs! Au contraire, the French can be very warm, kind, extremely, extremely polite people! But then! They have this fear of going deeper! It is a fear that suddenly grips them and shakes them and they simply can't move! And it is a jealousy, as well! It's not a snobbery, it is a jealousy. If you make a French friend, don't be surprised if this French friend denounces you as their friend if you attempt to make a friendship with any one of their other friends! And vice versa! To the French, one's friend belongs to one alone! And to introduce a friend to another friend is like giving away what is yours, it is a heresy, a blasphemy! And so you can just imagine for yourself what kind of a society occurs when people don't want to be friends with other people's friends, when people say "this person is mine." In other parts of the world, we go to parties to socialize with other people's friends and make friends out of those people, but not in France! This is not their reason to go to parties! So, as you can see, this is a jealousy, they cannot take to see a human warmth emanating between people that they want to be their own. So, the root of it all is not a snobbery. I am a snob. The French? The French are not snobs, the French are a jealous people. Jealous and reserved.



When we look unto cultures like that of Greece, where friends literally feed each other food with their own fingers: sticking that food into their friends' mouthes; we are looking at an almost completely different race! There are none of those walls, none of those inhibitions (physically and emotionally), you can meet a Greek person today and in this same day be that person's friend for life, and then go home with that friend and meet his/her family and friends and all of their family and friends are now your family and friends! And this is the kind of flow you will find in the Italian culture, where people really are not going to spend time making every effort to be polite to all the other people around them. I personally feel comfortable underneath this blanket! I could never spend my life wondering what every single person around me is thinking if I laugh too loud or if I forget to say "bonjour" or "au revoir" to the sales person who sold me my compact powder. I couldn't go through life like that, period. It doesn't work for me. I'm not an extremely polite person. And I like to feed people I love! I like to put food in their mouthes and I like to make a friend for life, in a single day! I like to hear people laughing too loud and shouting at each other and I like to hear people making love in apartments while I walk through the streets! This is the blanket that I feel comfortable under. And I want all my friends to be each others' friends, as well! I can see how this can be deemed as rude, inappropriate, and etc. but as I have said in the past, "...who cares about polite?", "...you want people to remember you as the passionate one, not the polite one." With that being said, I do believe that there are many polite ways and polite manners that we all would benefit from having. I am extremely polite when compared to some of the people I know, but I am not extremely polite when compared to the French or the Chinese. The French are to Europe what the Chinese are to the Orient. The Chinese are the French of the Orient.



I don't like to discriminate people and say that all people are the same, but these two "blankets" can give all of us a very general, broad, and easy view so that we can realize what kind of culture we fall under (generally) which is the first step to seeing yourself for who you are, what you want, and what direction you should take in life when it comes to meeting people and looking at serious relationships with people. Of course, it's always possible that a Greek person and a French person get married and be in love despite all of those differences, that a Chinese person and an Italian person understand each other and become friends for life! This is always possible. And, I need to point out that here in this article I've written, I'm discussing culture, not race. You can be full-blooded Chinese but having been born and raised in Brazil, you are a completely vibrant Brazilian in heart and in mind! Because it's not the race that influences people, really. It is the culture. And I hope this little article of mine will be something that you the reader will take to heart and benefit from in the future.



xx

An Amore

(June 15, 2010~ Roma, Italia)



The water glass breaks

It shatters

It falls to the floor

The little boy dropped the water glass

He broke it

Up here on the floors

Of the rooftop garden

I hear no screams of anger

No mad defamations

I hear no cries, no sorrowful explanations

Only cheers and gales of laughter

The little boy runs around

Again he breaks another

Glass after glass falls down

Not an angry look is cast

Not a single angry word

Glasses shatter

Voices cheer

“Amore! Amore! Mamma mia, Amore!”

Is all that I hear



I remember the water glass

I broke as a girl

And the next one

And the next one

I still feel the stinging

Of all those angry words

The broken glasses caused me

The spankings

The furious faces



But here in Roma...



All I hear is “Amore!”



Tears threaten

To overflow

My heart

To overcome me...



Oh! If only I lived in Roma!

I would be an amore!





Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.





I remembered this poem which I wrote in Rome, because of an incident yesterday. See, my son's friends came over to spend the afternoon with us, and one of his friends broke one of our mugs. My son was upset, he said, "Now we're one mug short! It's not okay for people to break things that belong to their friends!" And I sat down with him, talked to him, I said "You know, in Italy, when kids break things, everybody cheers and laughs and calls them an amore! And you know why it's like that? Because a glass breaking, or a mug breaking, is a very small damage that happens in life, and in life, lot's of shit happens; if you're going to let the little things get to you, like a mug breaking, then think about how much the big things are going to get to you! And a mistake is just a mistake, but everyone is going to make many mistakes in life! A mug is just a mug, but a friendship is for life. Now what's more important to you? The mug or your friend?" And I didn't ask his friend to say sorry for breaking the mug, or anything like that. I inspected it, and said, "That's okay" and threw the mug away.



Today I thought about the incident yesterday, and remembered the piece I wrote in Rome. As a child, I always was made to feel like shit just because of spilling a glass of lemonade, or accidentally breaking something. In Rome though, I got to see what real life is like, and I understood the nature of what it really means to be alive, to live! And to love!

Everyone With Dirty Hands



There is a never-ending moveable banquet

A table prepared for everyone

When thunder cracks open the clouds

That is the sound of it

Being pulled over the floor of the sky!

And everyone is welcome!

Everyone

From every city

And every nation

Every tribe, every tongue

The banqueting table moves

And all are called to come!

The black sits beside the white

The devout sits next to the atheist

Believers in one thing

Believers of nothing

Believers of many things

And those who are not sure

The free

The slave man

The king

The servant

All,

All are called to come

Come and sit!

We are all,

All of us are brothers and sisters!

We sit at this banqueting table prepared by His hands

The Alpha and Omega

The Beginning and the End

Calls us as one

He who does not need our belief

He who does not need the righteousness of man

He who graciously lays food upon our plates

And says Eat!

Eat! Every last one!

You are all brothers and sisters!

He who sees no stain, no flaw, no fear

He who looks not for the righteousness of man

And only those who see their own righteousness

Cannot sit at this table

It is only those who have eyes only for their righteousness

Who will not come to this table!

They have no need for He who is I Am

They have no need for He who puts food on our plates

Without washing His hands!

They have no need for He who requires nothing of man

And counts their righteousness as filthy rags!

They have no need for He who only has eyes

For the righteousness of One Man- His Son

They have no need for a gift that is finished,

For a banquet that is said and done

But all of you!

All of you with dirty hands, come!

We need not wash our hands before we sup

At the never-ending

Moveable banquet



Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

This is how the fears of men and women differ: When a woman finds a bright and beautiful, shiny thing worth loving, she clasps it tight and holds it to her chest in the fear of ever losing it! When a man finds a bright and beautiful, shiny thing worth loving, he puts it on a pedestal, in a safe corner of the room, to look at in the sunshine and the moonlight, to wonder upon and to admonish, in the fear that his grimy hands might in some way destroy it or make it flee away from him! And so these two fears create a colossal chasm in between, driving the two sexes in opposite directions. But this chasm can be bridged; the first step is the awareness of these fears; that they are in fact there and that is in fact how they function.



The thing about fear, is that identifying them and recognizing how they function is already winning greater than half the battle. Fears can only thrive when they're hidden, like cockroaches that only come out when it's dark and once you turn the lights on, they scatter and reveal where they've been hiding! Simply recognizing and identifying the fear, is turning the light on, and while the light is on, you can do things about those fears, you can think, you can see, you can plan, you can win. You realize that they're not so great and mighty, once you're able to name them and see what they look like.



The real thing that keeps men and women apart, is fear. Women blame men and men blame women, but the culprit is fear, women are afraid of one thing, men are afraid of a different thing; the fears of women have to do with losing while the fears of men have to do with not being good enough for something. One is loss, the other is insecurity. Men are innately more insecure than women and women are innately more needful of companionship than men. It's good for both men and women to be able to recognize and identify these fears not only within themselves, but within each other, and then men and women will see that they really do need to help each other. It's not a game, it's not a competition, the two sexes need one another.



It is like the relationship between sun and moon, rain and heat, sweet and sour! Without the one, the other can't be fulfilled to it's full potential, or wouldn't even exist! Can the sun blame the moon? Can rain blame the heat? Can sweet blame sour? No, it's a cycle. These are all compliments of one another! Enough with the immaturity! The one isn't going to succeed by playing tricks on the other! The union of man and woman is created not only through the act of sex, but this union begins in spirit, in soul! And the journey begins at the first attempt!





Copyright © 2012 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.