Evan Sanders's Blog, page 105

“In these bodies we will live and in these bodies we will die, where you invest your love, you invest your life.” – Mumford & Sons

There are some really challenging aspects to life that I find myself struggling with and thinking about quite often. Looking deep within, no matter how many times you do it, it’s always a scary heart-wreching proposition. I often wonder if it is a challenge sent from above to truly see what I am actually made of. My answer to this is usually yes. How could it not be? Seems to always know exactly what I need right at the perfect time so I can grow. Faith has been building.

And yet I often find myself asking the same question over and over again – if I pour all of this love out into the world, when is it going to come back? Or is it and I just can’t see it? Maybe it isn’t in what people say to me, but in how they look at me when I see their eyes. It’s just hard for me to really know what is going on…and as much as I try to be okay with it there are many times when I am not. Honesty prevails here.

All I know is that years ago I decided to take the moral high ground and by god it has been difficult. But I can never go back – and even if I try the consequences would be so drastic that I would set myself back a significant amount. This journey has been decided and it will never change. I find myself asking why a lot. Maybe this is part of the story where I begin to truly find myself…or maybe it isn’t. Needless to say the questions still come up every day.

I guess for me that first quote sums it all up. Where you invest your love you invest your life. And at the end of the day, for me at least, its about continuing to invest my love into myself, other people, and my passion. I don’t think I could ask for more.

- Evan Sanders

Before I get going tonight, I wanted to let you know that I will be posting the video blogs on a separate page – but just to introduce you to the concept number one is above – hope you enjoy this journey.

Tonight is pretty simple for me. It’s interesting that sometimes you can go a whole day and not really have anything profound happen to you, and then all of a sudden right before you are about to turn in, bam…it happens. I feel that a lot of people have sympathy for others and that can semi-relate to other people’s situations etc, but I feel that the true winning formula in creating long-lasting relationships with people is in developing empathy for them. I have always come back to the same example over and over again which I will write out below.

I have had the great fortune of having some pretty significantly bad things happen to me throughout my life so far. I say great fortune because I have been able to learn from them and turn them into strong pieces of my foundation. However, there have been many times where people have come up to me and said, “I know this doesn’t really compare to what you have gone through, but…” and I usually stop them right there at the but. I tell them that it doesn’t matter what I have been through…and just to tell me what is on their mind. “Maybe the worst thing that has ever happened to you is your dog dying…but it isn’t the situation that matters in our relation to one another…it’s the emotion behind everything.” Immediately that usually opens up doors.

I think that a lot of the time people lack empathy…the true feeling and recognition of another people’s emotions. To truly be able to relate to another person on an emotional level while mostly disregarding the heavy specifics is something that I focus on dearly. Because no matter what happens or how many times it happens, we will not be able to have the same event happen to two different people exactly the same way. Not impossible, but incredibly improbable. Therefore I think it is so important to look deeper than what is on the surface and really try to resonate with someones heart.

Open your arms to people if they come to you in times or light or darkness. It isn’t your job to decide when you could be someones angel. But it is your responsibility as someone who has a warm soul to let others experience what you have to bring to the table. Keeping your talents from others is essentially hiding your true self from the world. Sure it takes work. In fact…it takes a lot of work much of the time. But the satisfaction from filling another persons bucket far exceeds the slight exhausted feeling that you may have if things go south. However, I have found that if you are truly being empathetic towards someone, you end up being fulfilled beyond your wildest imagination.

So open your heart. Love deeply and passionately. It will make this world a better place.

- Evan Sanders

The book has launched!!! Thank you everyone for supporting me. I would love for you to share this if you can or if you have read the book already, please write a review on the sites below (it would help a ton!) It can be found for ($4.99) at these retailers

Amazon - http://ASIN.cc/bfjGYq
iTunes - http://bit.ly/13HfmcW
Kobo - http://bit.ly/121ofB0
Sony - http://bit.ly/17qFY7h
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If you have two minutes, please check out the video for the project – it gives some details as to what the book is about as well as my general mission.http://bit.ly/102d2Lf

Here’s what some have said about the book so far

“Sanders unlocks the door of each aspect of a man’s world as he breaks through the boundaries of life’s disappointments, anguish, pain, and hostility. He uncovers the mysteries of love, honesty, integrity and respect. His acute sense of understanding the world around him and his ability to relate to all people enables him to share his philosophies and he gifts his inspiration to us in this book. It is not his full story. It is not the answer. It is the beginning and the now of a great man and his unique insights to how we can all become better every day.” – Melissa Reyes

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I have been hooked since the first blog post I ever read! Evans openess to share his life’s ups and downs, and insights into life is just inspiring. You get to know Evan through these pages and it is perfect because, you will get to know yourself as well. I related to many many pages and I think you will too, it is for everyone, young and old, short and tall. Download a copy of The Better Man Project to help motivate, inspire and get a move on to accomplish your own dreams and help someone accomplish theirs! – Amberly G

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“This book is a groundbreaking work that will inspire men and women alike.” – endsolitary

This book is not just for men, its for anyone and everyone. The authors ability to connect to my life was astounding. I found myself repeatedly looking over my shoulder as I read the book because there were so many times where I felt like the author was writing about my own life and to my very situation. This book is so much about hope for the author and for those that read it. Countless times in my life I have felt like no one has felt the way I have and then I read this book and realized that I am so far from alone. The author’s openness and venerability is what makes this book so amazing and like nothing else on the market. Yes, its categorized under “Self Help” but this book leaves you with a feeling of something so far from being on your own in this world. I know that I will dive back into those pages for years and years to come. This will not be one of those book you read one time, it’s a book that you will come back to again and again and I am certain you will find new depth and new truth each and every time. – Ivy Stracener

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“I recommend this book highly for anyone that has a dream that they themselves are holding in a mental prison.” – teddy3indc

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The Better Man Project is not your typical book. Do not let the title fool you either. This book is not just for men-it is for anyone. You don’t even have to be looking to become a better person to read this book, but I will tell you that it will inevitably happen.

This book is filled with real life events, both good and bad, that have a way of speaking to any audience. I found myself rereading many pages of this book, realizing how much I could relate to what Evan has written about. This book has not only helped me jumpstart a new, more positive way of thinking, but has also allowed me to reflect on certain aspects of my own life that I would not have before reading this.

This book does not have the answer to all of my life questions, nor does it solve all of my problems, but it like I already mentioned, has opened my mind to a more positive, optimistic way of living and thinking. This book is worth WAY more than the price it can be bought for, so, like I did, skip your 5 dollar latte today and spend that money on this book! It’s worth it! – Julie Grosso

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Lastly, if you could share this page to your Facebook and social media that would be incredible!

Twitter @BetterManProj: http://bit.ly/Z0zCq9

Facebook Event Page: http://on.fb.me/18vMcDh

Facebook Fan Page: http://on.fb.me/RC57QW

YouTube Video: http://bit.ly/102d2Lf

Thank you for supporting me! I promise you that it is going to be one awesome wild ride.

- Evan Sanders

I want to introduce you to phase 2 of The Better Man Project. So lets see…it all started February 9, 2011…and today is June 6 2013…800+ days later. I wrote a post earlier today talking about how I have just felt lost lately – and by lately, I mean over the past 3 years since baseball ended for me. While I did find out a lot about myself during phase 1…I have come to a point in my life and in this project where it is time to seriously apply everything towards a large goal. What is that goal? Well actually…let me also introduce you to the book I am working on.

A 365 day project…where I commit myself to a new challenge each and every day. These challenges could be anything, but first, get ready to see my bucket list items completely scratched out. The point of this though is to go after the dreams and goals I have always had on a day by day basis and also attack larger goals throughout the year. I truly believe that writing about an experience while you are in it delivers an awesome look at what actually goes on when people are confronted with victories and defeats and how they respond. For me, there are a few key things that I am going to do every single day that will help me reach a fantastic end result after 365 days of repetition (fitness and life related tasks). In fact, I am trying to simplify my life and remove as many distractions as possible. I often get sidetracked by new shiny toys or the next “big thing” and lose focus. So call this a bit of buckling down.

Another piece of this puzzle is collaboration with others. I love writing and will continue – that is a promise I have made that I will take to my grave – but I also want to be involved with sharing / co-blogging with other people who are passionate. So if that is you, or if you have music, photos, quotes, anything that can motivate and inspire other people, email me at [email protected] or tweet me @BetterManProj. I look forward to hearing from you.

I am also making a huge commitment to YouTube over the next 365 days. In fact, I will be recording a short 5 minute video every single day about something that is on my mind. I will also give you a glimpse into what the challenge was for that day in case you want to join me on this journey.

Love. Passion. Never Quit. These three words have defined the first part of my journey – now its about pouring gas on the fire and taking everything to another level. Lets go.

- Evan Sanders

(If you haven’t had the chance, join me on Twitter http://bit.ly/Z0zCq9 and FB http://on.fb.me/RC57QW)

 

This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee — and that’s really hard, … that’s excruciatingly difficult — to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, ‘Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?’ just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, ‘I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.’” – Brene Brown

And isn’t that the truth? There are no guarantees. It makes it really scary sometimes. Actually, if I am being honest with myself here, it makes it scary a lot of the time – most of the time – hell…almost all of the time. You can put your heart out on the line and nothing may come back. That truly is a frightening realization. In fact, I would venture to say that this realization can be paralyzing for many. It has been paralyzing for me. Because while we read quotes and hear speeches about people who say that all of the strength we ever need is within ourselves, the people around us do play an incredibly important role in our happiness. As the great Into The Wild quote said, “Happiness is shared.”

It makes me very uncomfortable at times to think about how fragile it all actually is. Over the past year I have been shown a whole different world – and the world I have seen did not impress me. I understand what people are saying when they say “The Real World” trust me, I get it. Being in school my whole life brought a completely different set of challenges – who knows if they are worse or they are better – but what I see now is something completely and totally unique.

The world tries its best to drag you down into the river of mediocrity.

As a salmon swimming upstream, you end up losing the rest of the gang and on a part of the journey, you are confronted with things that were once fleeting. Things get very quiet. Weaknesses get exposed. Fears surface. Doubts cause inaction. Authenticity diminishes. Your sparkle dulls. Life begins to life you. And then it comes down to asking yourself, “What the hell am I going to do about this?”

I’m going to be very honest here, the fight in me turned into a charcoal briquette after baseball ended. That was almost three years ago. Life just took a bucket of water and poured it right on my fire. And when I tell you there was a fire inside me for that game, there really was. Nothing has matched up to the feeling of being on the mound competing my ass off. What was even better was I knew “why” I was competing – I was competing because my dream was right around the corner. A dream that I had since I was 5 years old. But then there was no more why and life just because a whole lot of who, what, when, where, how.

Speaking of vulnerability…

It’s really easy to get lost…and I am glad that I just got all of that out there. It’s also really easy to pretend that everything is okay when it’s really not. But I think I will always remember what my history teacher in college taught me over and over again…”accept your condition – that is the only way you can create a new one.” So off I go to create something new.

- Evan Sanders

(If you haven’t had the chance, join me on Twitter http://bit.ly/Z0zCq9 and FB http://on.fb.me/RC57QW)

(If you haven’t had the chance, join me on Twitter http://bit.ly/Z0zCq9 and FB http://on.fb.me/RC57QW)
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We all have 4 cylinder engines. Everyone. Don’t be mistaken by those that drive like they have a v6, v8 or v10…they really only have 4. But how can they drive like that? Let me tell you a story.

I had a dream one night where I was floating above my life and got to see everything that I had done, I was currently doing, and a distant blurry fog in the future. The coolest part of the dream though was the location. I was on top of a mountain and my body below was walking around a temple that had three pillars. The first pillar was the one of the mind…the second was of the body…and the third was of the soul. It took me a while in the dream to realize what the symbolism was of the three pillars…but then a voice explained it to me.

Your world is made up of the three.

Aha. These are the three pillars that create my foundation. Triangles are one of the strongest shapes out there because of their abilities to distribute loads. The voice then explained to me that when one of these pillars is in trouble – you are sacrificing its integrity in some way – your foundation will begin to crumble and eventually the other two pillars will be brought down as well. In order to create the strongest foundation you possibly can, all pillars must be rooted in virtue and integrity.

There was a fourth pillar.

The fourth pillar was a little bit more complex and harder to understand. In fact, it took me a while to completely grasp what the significance of the pillar was. It was centered in the middle of the three other pillars and had moments where it would light up and then dim back down. Sometimes it would spark with electricity…other times it would lull. But then a few days ago it came to me – the fourth pillar represented a bigger idea than it all. Call it harmony, call it energy, dreams, goals, motivation…basically put it all into one pot and mix it up. This was the pillar that lit up when everything else was working at full force. This was the pillar of greatness.

You can think of the pillars like cylinders and your energy like gasoline.

We all have the capability to run a 4 cylinder car…but if one or two of the cylinders is in jeopardy…then we will never reach our full potential. When our engine is sluggish we fail to reach our potential. We become dragged down with the negatives of life and the cycle of negativity continues. It is in the integrity of our mind, our body, and our soul that we can truly confront life’s challenges and move forward. When those pillars are in sync – we then get to experience what life is like when we engage that fourth cylinder. We have more power, we are motivated and inspired, and we go out and live bold lives. Our energy is like that of 100 octane gasoline.

I believe that in order to go after your dreams and your goals, you have to be in integrity with the foundation of your life. If you don’t know what your foundation is made of…create it. I have built mine around love, passion, and a never quitting attitude. Then, when all of those pieces to the puzzle are firing, you will get to experience the thrill of going full throttle – and experience you will never forget.

What’s your foundation?

- Evan Sanders

(Join me on Twitter http://bit.ly/Z0zCq9 and FB http://on.fb.me/RC57QW)

 

 

“Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death.” – Betty Bender

“”It was high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, “Always do what you are afraid to do.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.” – Louisa May Alcott

Fear

You know, that paralyzing feeling that stops you in your tracks. I can’t tell you how many times I have been caught in this bear trap. But fear comes in many different shapes and sizes. It’s not always the person ready to run across the battlefield to save a brother in arms – in fact, it rarely is. For most of us, it’s facing daily challenges and obstacles. And for me, tonight, I want to talk about facing your potential. Your goals, future, and dreams. It’s easy to face fear for a day – but what about a week…a month…a year?

So most of us aren’t ripped Spartans

But that’s not the point. Today is about how to kick the sh*t out of fear. Straight and simple…and I’m going to do something I rarely do…I’m going to write down my method. Your mind can play pretty big tricks on you – and add in all the parasites (habits) that have been feeding on your weaknesses and sprinkle on some good ole naysayer talk and you have yourself a pretty wicked situation going on in your dome. Trust me, it’s not always because you are weak that you are feeling fearful. In fact, often of times the enemy is dug in your head that you just can’t seem to find the advantage. Call forth your artillery.

Write it all down

Put it on paper. I promise you – problems in the head often get majorly magnified, but once you put it down on paper, they become much smaller than you thought. Write out your complaints on the left side of the paper…draw an arrow across the paper for each complaint…and on the ride side of the paper create an action plan to solve each complaint. So maybe your uncle is being a complete jackass – are you going to let it go or are you going to do something about it? One or the other – because if you let the complaint sit with you long enough…it will end up burying itself deep in your mind and you will have one hell of a time getting it out. Think of trying to scrape barnacles off a boat with your bare hands.

Daily Goals

The first thing I do when I wake up is get to a pad of paper and write out my plan + goals for the day. I promise you, there is no better feeling than creating a plan and then working it. Once you nail your daily goals – then move to weekly goals…monthly goals…yearly goals and so on. I love goal setting. I mean…I  can talk goals all day with you – but it becomes really easy to write out 5 year and 10 year goals…I mean shoot even one year goals and then forget about them. Sure you can put them in a place where they are visible and you can see them every day, but many of us have so many goals that we want to accomplish that this can be overwhelming. So what the hell do you do?

Take your goals – split them up into monthly goals – then create weekly and daily checklists

It’s a lot of work. Trust me…but this IS your life! And these are the things you are really passionate about – so why not do what it takes to actually get your goals done? The mentality that has brought me to disaster a great deal of the time is, “Okay…so I have a goal to run 100 miles a month…Go.” Maybe you will start running on a good schedule the first week or so…but once life “lives” you, which it certainly always does, you are going to get thrown off, miss miles, and then at the end of the month be confronted with a 50 mile run because you had no plan. Feel me on this analogy? Plan the work…work the plan.

No General ever went to war without a battle plan (except for Custer…that didn’t pan out)

Celebrate – when you have something to celebrate. It’s really easy to go out drinking…partying…eating improperly etc (if your goal is food related) when you have been doing a good job. This has to be part of the plan. Plan your cheating. That’s right. Plan that out and give yourself a break once in a while – but write it down and make sure it’s part of the total equation. And celebrate when you have a major victory…it makes it that much more fun.

Attitude – and no other quote can say it better than the one I am going to end with tonight. Get after it – go be everything you have always wanted to be – plan it out – work the plan – and be a badass. Goodnight.

“Yeah, though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a b*tch in the valley.” – Joel Rosenberg

(If you haven’t had the chance, join me on Twitter http://bit.ly/Z0zCq9 and FB http://on.fb.me/RC57QW)

 

 

(If you haven’t had the chance, join me on Twitter http://bit.ly/Z0zCq9 and FB http://on.fb.me/RC57QW)
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You know…he probably would be applauding. It was Socrates himself who said that, ”True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing.” Let me tell you a story.

I was having a absolutely horrible day. I mean…really bad. Couldn’t get myself out of a funk, upset, teary eyed, not following through with my goals, feeling like my life was not moving forward and developing at all..the works. So I jumped on a train to go see my best friend in the city. On the way I took out my journal and started writing. The words began to pour out and eventually I started to make myself feel better. I began with all my complaints, moved towards solving them, and then created a plan, my plan, on how I was going to be the best at what I am most passionate about in this world. I stepped off that train, the sea breeze refreshingly hit me in the face, and to the bus I went.

It happened pretty fast – this man had two crutches, you know, the ones that wrap around the arm – and a pretty decent sized bag. I took out my headphones after standing next to him for a minute and asked him if he needed help with his bag. He smiled and said yes. We got on the bus, we sat down, and in the span of a two minutes he had taken his leg off…his entire leg…and had me hold it really quick while he fixed something.

Ever had those moments that aren’t necessarily jaw dropping but pretty damn close? This was one.

So why is Socrates clapping?

He claps (at least I think he would clap) because it was just recently, and I mean in the past couple of years, when I gave up “knowing” stuff. Huh? What I mean is that I think the moment you believe that you in fact know things – that becomes the moment where you set yourself up for disaster. In an ungracefully said way…I have ventured on a journey of cluelessness. Getting lost, relearning, failing, falling apart, falling together, building…the works. In fact, I have spent years – wonderful years mind you – tearing down and rebuilding the same house over and over again. Why? Because if it can be better, then it’s as good as broken.

We’re not literally talking a house here…

How can I convince you that you should travel down a road marked by fear, doubt, worry, insecurity, failure, pain, vulnerability, loneliness, hurt, sadness…I think you get the point. And hey, that sounds like a lot to deal with – and it is – but I thought I would lay out the battle ahead before you actually decide to dunk yourself in it. I mean, isn’t that half the trouble with our goals anyways? Not knowing the enemy that stands at the gate?

But in the face of all the hard stuff, and it burns sometimes, like a shot of scotch…you begin to learn things about yourself that you never knew existed. You learn to call on yourself when the going gets tough. You learn that you have everything inside of you that you need in order to succeed – and that the people you surround yourself with are essentially your supporting cast of all stars who each serve as scaffolding as you build your foundation and life. You give up thinking that you actually know about yourself, others, and things in life – and give yourself the opportunity to learn every single day. How to make things better, how to make yourself better, and how to be a better person in the world for others. Because at the end of the day that is what truly matters right? Being the best team player out there – and for me – I want my team to be millions of people. Why the hell not? Oh and by the way, in the face of all those really tough emotions and feelings I wrote about above, you learn the depth of the flip side – love, passion, honesty, truthfulness, courage, honor, virtue – the list goes on as well.

So I gave the man’s leg back to him and smiled.

“Thank you for teaching me something today,” I said. He only smiled, because he knew better. He offered me one of the greatest things you can offer to anyone in this world – perspective.

- Evan Sanders

(If you haven’t had the chance, join me on Twitter http://bit.ly/Z0zCq9 and FB http://on.fb.me/RC57QW)

 

You don’t know me

You’ve never seen me

I’m not on the front of any magazine cover

Never been on a TV show

No expensive advertisement has shown me

I haven’t won any big competitions

No audience has laughed at my jokes

I haven’t been photographed with any trophies

Books are not written about me

You don’t know what I have for breakfast

You don’t know when I go to the gym -

What I pray for at night

The highs and lows in those moments of silence

You don’t know my plans

My dreams

My doubts

My insecurities

You don’t know how loud the voice inside of me is

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You don’t know me

But you will.

- Evan Sanders

Join my Dream http://on.fb.me/RC57QW

“Life will life you” it said to me

But why did you have to turn everything off?

Why did you make it so quiet?

“You needed to learn. It all happens for a reason. Never forget that.

Whatever I choose to do, there is a reason for it…one that always helps you grow.”

You only give me as much as I can handle, I know that, I just sometimes wish you didn’t trust me so much.

It hasn’t been easy.

“But remember, the pressure cracks didn’t mean you broke, it means you survived and now have an amazing story to tell.”

Will you help me write these stories?

“Of course. But you already know how.”