C. JoyBell C.'s Blog, page 42

“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves. And when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment...”




― Plato (The Symposium)







In this modern day and age, people throw around the term "soul mate" all too loosely. If they find someone who fits their criteria, it's a soul mate. If they find someone who can make them feel good, it's a soul mate. If they find someone who lives nearby and is "conveniently placed for a relationship" it's a soul mate. On the contrary, when we look at the origins of the concept of the soul mate, we can understand (those of us who have understanding), that if it were so convenient and easy, then it wouldn't be a soul mate, at all. Or else, Zeus would be dimwitted and stupid. And I'm afraid he is not. Why would the other half of your soul simply be someone who lives down the street (yes that could happen, Destiny having her way, but it's unlikely to happen), or simply someone who meets your criteria? And if you fall for a criteria, in the first place, is that a person or is that a list of things that you like? Do you even see the person? At all? 




I don't think people find their soul mates as often as they would like to believe. I believe that people can fall in love many times and with many other people; people can have love! But having another person who is the other half of your soul? Happens less often, and when it does happen, these cases are amongst the greatest love stories ever known, or the greatest love stories that unfolded far from the eyes of the rest of mankind (not all great things are famous things or popular things!)




What would it be like to find the other half of your soul, separated from you? First of all, it would be a very difficult thing to accomplish, as this soul could be anywhere on this planet! And if/when you do find the person, what do you think it would feel like to meet the half of you that hasn't been there for such a long time? Yes, it would feel like a completion, a wholeness; but it would also feel like all things dangerous and unknown; hidden and unexplored. It could possibly even be frightening. Especially if Zeus had it in his mind to particularly keep the two of you far apart! 




Is this about Zeus? No, this isn't really about Zeus. Is this about Valentine's Day? Not really, but you can think that if you like! But I think this is about walking on the edge of something different, something deeper and ancient and far-fetched. 




xx

To Bleed And To Burn




I was asked of how I believe in love; of the way that I see it and the way that I respond to it. Of how I recognize it and if my heart has ever longed for it. And in that instant, I realized, for the first time, that not all people are like me! Not all people are born with a burning flame within themselves. Not all people were born as a baby in this flesh, possessing wings within the soul– wings that wish to fly everlastingly and be reunited with "the other one" eternally! 




I answered, "Well isn't it not all the same? Isn't it that we come into this world and from day one we begin our search for our "other one"? Is it not that we search and search as one searches for an emerald, or a ruby; a sapphire or a diamond? And is it not that when we see it, we know what it is?" 




Is it not?




But no, my eyes were opened, unveiled, and I saw like a small baby opening her eyes for the first time after being born into this world, that it is not the same for everyone! Mostly, they don't know what it is that they look for; they say it's love but their love is something else! Mostly, they make decisions; their heart doesn't bleed over in desire and want! Mostly, they are able to sleep in perfect warmth, without the arms of "the other one" around them! They don't see her in their dreams at night, or they don't see him in their dreams at night... they don't know what this is...the love of those few who are like me.







Copyright 2013 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved

Belong To Me







We come into each other’s lives

Wishing we could give ourselves

Pure and untouched

Unblemished and unforgotten

But instead

We are scarred

Wounded

We’ve been forgotten by many

Thrown away by some

But you have to look

Into somebody's eyes and

Show the scars

The wounds, the

Places where it hurts

Because you need to belong

To somebody

And somebody needs to belong

To you

So it has to be real

They have to see

And know




Copyright 2013 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

When I was a little girl, there was a small store selling school supplies, that I used to frequent. But aside from buying school supplies, I had a secret reason for my frequent visits! You see, there in the store stood a single bookcase with a few books on it. One book in particular, mesmerized me enough to call me back to the store over and over again, just so I could stand there and look up at it! And there was only one copy of the book on the bookcase, only one copy ever! I would stand there, staring at it! I looked into the face of the little girl on the book cover, I studied how her hair was drawn onto it! I gazed into her eyes, I felt that her eyes told me the whole entire story within the book's cover! I believed that the soul of the little girl, told the story within those pages! I would gaze into her eyes, I studied the strands of her hair, I would pick up the book and run my finger over it's spine, my thumb over the thickness of its pages! The book was so thick, I thought to myself! It always just seemed to take my breath away, during every single one of my visits to the store! Until now, still I ask myself why I never bought the book! I would look forward to needing school supplies, just so I could have an excuse for going there and looking at the book, but I never did buy it! I remember how I felt, yes, I did want to buy it, but there was something so intimidating about it...was it the title? "Less Mizerabless..." I wondered what it meant... or was it the thickness? It was so thick, in my mind it felt thicker than my whole body! Or was it her eyes...was I afraid that if I opened the book, I would fall completely into her soul, possibly never to recover? I cannot be sure what it was that stopped me from buying the book, or from even just opening it! But I am sure that there was a bond created, and that reinstated itself, upon every one of my visits!



Today I watched Les Miserables in the cinema. To say that I have never cried so much in a cinema, in my life, is a gross understatement of the experience I had while watching the movie. The story Les Miserables, is magnanimous. My heart slows down a few beats when I ponder the magnanimity of the mind that created it! For someone to be able to take a step away, and turn around and look back, at life, and see life in all of it's facets, all of her faces, and be able to put all of those facets and faces into a single story? I am speechless. If Victor Hugo were living today, I would be honored to bow before him!



Les Miserables is the story of life itself, and just how difficult life can be! This relates so well to my previous post on how all of us are separated by just a hair-thin line! We could have been someone else, somewhere else, we could have been given a completely different lot in life! And I realize, I see, how everything in one's life is spelled out by where the person happens to be on this large globe, that is a map, that is drawn out with different lots and people happen to be there or here or over there or so very far away! And I am not talking about physical distance; I am talking about the place of one's life in this world, one's lot in life, what one is given! In Les Miserables, we are shown just how enormous and unbelievably incredible, the differences can be between people, just because of where they are in life! Yet at the very same time, all differences are really just separated only by a line so thin, it is like a thin strand of hair! I cried while watching Fantine go from struggling mother, to struggling prostitute! Tears rolled down my cheeks! Her life was always just a breath away from being blown away, and all too soon for her, it was! My thoughts turned to all the prostitutes in the world today, and how many of them probably have a story similar to Fantine's, how many of them are probably selling their bodies to feed their children! The love of a mother shines forth so brightly in this movie! Karl Lagerfeld once said "There is only one love that I believe in, and that is the love of a mother for her children" and I know that Karl Lagerfeld is an unlikely source to quote, but I was reminded of his words while watching the movie! We are shown the true strength and undying, relentless spirit of a mother's love for her child! And not all mothers are this way, but, this is the way of the love as it was intended by God to be, since the beginning of time! But there's so much more than that! We are also shown the love of a father for his daughter (even if she does not share his blood nor his bones); we are shown how the love of a parent can be made entirely in the heart, and be no less stronger; and even more stronger and more powerful, than the love of a biological parent for their child/children! We see this in the the eternal love of Jean Valjean for Cosette! We are put in front of the realities of the evils of oppression, and how easy it is for those with much wealth, to oppress those who have less or who have nothing! How a man who stole a loaf of bread for his dying nephew, can be treated as lower than a dog, as a shame of a person, as the outcast of God, as unrighteous, a sinner! Les Miserables shows us all, how a single act of mercy and kindness, can change the entire course of one's future, and not only that, but the entire course of many people's futures! Nevertheless, we realize, that a single act of judgment, apathy, unkindness, can too change the entire course of many people's lives, for forever! We witness how people are deformed in the hands of cruelty and oppression, in the absence of mercy and empathy! But we also witness how people are recreated and re-birthed in the hands of mercy and of grace! We taste of the bad man's interpretation of God, and we taste of the good man's interpretation of God! Both have a God, but then God has become two things so infinitely contrasting and opposite and different of one another– depending only on the hearts of the ones professing Him! It is true that we carry God within our hearts! And it is our own hearts that give Him His color!



I can see, how there are those who are shown mercy and forgiveness, and are able to in turn show mercy and forgiveness to their fellow man! But in the same breath, there are those who are shown mercy and forgiveness, but are still unable to do the same when their opportune time comes to do the same act of kindness that was once shown to them! There are those who are forgiven, yet do not know how to forgive! There are those who are born in jail, yet one day grow into their own persons and turn to look upon those in jail as scum, as dogs! There are good people, but there are more bad people! There are the courageous people who are willing to spill their own blood for the freedom of a nation, and there are cowards who think of nothing other than their own personal comfort and social status! Bravery can come from the poor and from the rich, just as cowardice can come from the poor and from the rich! There are good people amongst the bourgeoisie, and there are awful, oppressive ones! We see all too clearly, how money determines the fate of all too many people in this world! All throughout history, wealth has fallen into the hands of those with blemished hearts, into the hands of those who use it to oppress their fellow man! Just because they can! It is all too clear a fact, that money dictates life, and those without it are at the mercy of those who do have it.



In the cinema today, I was reminded of the sweetness of love between a man and a woman, how a man and a woman can fall in love at first sight, and how a woman can have a love so strong, she would actually give up her own life for the man she loves! I was reminded how there are the few who have been favoured and placed on thrones: those like Cosette! She walked a path in life that, though it was bitter to her in the beginning, turned upward and faced the sun and the roses, while all others fell by the wayside! Cosette is one of those people who live in the apple of God's eye! Everything that she once lost, was repaid to her tenfold! People gave their lives for her keeping, she was protected and sheltered from harm.



The significance of envy in this world, was put in front of my eyes, and it was very painful to behold! How a beautiful young woman, falling prey to the envious eyes of her coworkers, suffered an excruciating  fate and death as a result! It engraved upon my mind, the power that envy has, in this world! It has the power to destroy, to pull down, and what for? What did Fantine ever do to deserve her fate? She never saw her dreams come true, she fell all too soon, while those ugly women who so envied her, continued on with their lives! It is not true that all receive what they deserve, because many don't!



There are good people, there are more bad people; there is kindness and forgiveness, there is judgment and apathy; there is bravery and courage, there is cowardice and ego! Every facet of life, and not only the existence of these facets themselves; but actually how they merge and swim into one another, coming together and falling away from one another, all is written out so perfectly, so magnanimously, in Les Miserables! And what kind of a mind, what kind of a heart, can produce such a work? The heart of a magnanimous man! The mind of brilliance!



I am in awe, and now have a new favorite movie! I comprehend in my heart, why I used to stand under that bookcase as a young girl, and stare up at the novel on the shelf! It spoke to me, even without me opening its pages! And perhaps it was a prophecy, telling me that one day, I would see the things written in its pages and I would strive to do good by the things that I would come to understand, that I would see, that I would witness! Because if we do have a chance to be that goodness and that kindness, if we have it in us, we should let it shine, we should do something about it! Because if not, there is too much darkness that already exists, and it's not enough to just exist along with it! We have to make good choices, and have kindness in our hearts. Mercy, forgiveness. If we are born that way, then we have to let that light shine! I guess I was right, way back then! I guess it was premonition, when I felt that I would somehow fall into those eyes so completely, that I would never be able to recover!





Photo of Les Miserables book found on Pinterest.

I have had a new realization! And it is about the necessity and the goodness of shortcomings! We ask ourselves "Why all the shortcomings?" Well, at least those of us who are not disillusioned thinking we are impeccable and incapable of being flawed– we see our shortcomings, therefore, we are able to ask ourselves about the necessity of these! For example, there is the flaw in man that dictates he/she is only able to see the worth/the value of a things/a person, when the thing or person is already beyond reach! "You don't know what you've got until it's gone" is what they say! This is surely a flaw, I think! Because if only you are able to see the true value of something or someone during the time that you are still able to do something about it, then there would be less shortcomings, far less regrets in life! But why are we constantly caught in the back and forth of losing sight of value, and then finding it? One can move from plain to plain, from plateau to plateau, only seeing the beauty of the place he has already left, when he gets to the other place! It is a great stupidity! Yet it keeps on happening! Why? And so we are led to see our shortcomings, in many different ways! Moreover, it is always easy to see the shortcomings in another person, and say, "Oh I am so much better than that," which leads to the enlargement of the ego. It feels good when the ego is enlarged, doesn't it? And that's why people keep on looking for ways to enlarge it! Quite like how a cat looks for ways to be stroked, finding reasons to purr! When your ego inflates, that is like the purring of a cat! And you always want to feel that beautiful rhythm, so you naturally look for ways to make it happen! Whether subconsciously, or in all awareness!




So, it is very easy to see the fault of your neighbor; but it takes a true maturity to look at your neighbor in all of his faults, and recognize that you could very well be right in the same place that he is in! It takes a true acceptance of the nature of life, to be able to look at your neighbor in all of her faults, and plainly see that you could be in her shoes, at that very moment, if not only for the good grace of God! And in fact, you right now in all of your finesse and thought-out, laid-out refinement, could be somebody else's laughing stock! Because someone else out there has already risen from your levels of "perfection", into an even purer one! I like to think of it this way: God forbid I look upon myself and realize myself to be a hypocrite, one day; I would rather look at my neighbor in all of her imperfection and ingratitude and see her as someone that I might have been, or someone that I might be right now, in the eyes of somebody else! 




As you can see, shortcoming has a beautiful purpose, if we are only able to look at ourselves in the mirror and allow ourselves to see them! Shortcomings allow us vision, allow us to see past what is simply in front of our eyes, our shortcomings afford us foresight! Our shortcomings allow us to have mercy, instead of judgment! When I look at myself and see all of my flaws, the one thing that I wish I could change, is my past judgments of other people! When you judge someone for being a certain way, life has a way of one day putting you exactly right in that same position, and suddenly you understand why the person was that way or why the person did this and did that. At the end of the day, your shortcomings allow you to have grace, tolerance, not only for others, but for yourself! We are taught the falsity that we are allowed our own opinions about everyone else, but I believe this is untrue. I believe I would rather not have an opinion about someone else, lest life put me in that very same spot as that other person, just so I will taste what it's like! The truth is, we are only separated in our lots in life, by the grace of God! And by the choices that we make, too! There is a very thin line between you and the prostitute. You could have been a prostitute, too. There is a very thin line between you and the homeless person, the person sleeping on a cardboard box on the street. You could have been born that person, or circumstances could have driven you to become just like that person. And when we look at people in all of their beliefs which we deem to be wrong and void, we have to stop and think that there is a very thin line between us and them. What if you were born into a family of Catholics? Then you would probably be Catholic! What if you were born in the Middle East? Then you would most probably be a Muslim! There are these hair-thin lines that spell out where people are in this world, their lots in life! And that is why there literally is no space left for making any judgments! 




How far can we go, judging ourselves, then? Lets say you are fully capable of looking at your reflection in the mirror and accepting the existence of your flaws, how far should you go judging your own self? Should you continue to the point that all you see are your wrongdoings? Absolutely not! But you must live in the grace of God, so you may look at yourself through the eyes of His grace, and see that your shortcomings are windows into eternity. Your shortcomings are holes in the wall of space and time. If you allow yourself to see your imperfections, you will be able to become so much more! Funny how a person becomes so much more, only when he becomes so much less!






Copyright © 2013 C. JoyBell C. All rights reserved.

A blessing for the New Year 2013, for those of you who have truly loved and cherished me! A blessing of rebirth and renewal! 





Robins Eggs by Wayne Kryduba

Instead of making New Year's resolutions; try looking back! Write down every single significant thing you've learned about the world, about people, about yourself, about God, onto the back of a map! After all, our experiences, growths, and learnings in life do become the maps of our future! I've needed to use maps before, I've caught myself many times at the corner of a street in the middle of nowhere, a map in hand, trying to find my way! I know for sure that you don't find your way by saying "This is where I am going to go and this is what I am going to do and that is what I am going to become!" Rather, you find your way by charting out the paths that you've already taken, the turns that you've already made, the notes you jotted down when you asked people for directions! You put that all together, and it is by these things that you find your way!

Well, today my little felines have finally opened their eyes! And oh how wonderful is the feeling of being able to look into their eyes and smile at them! It's heartwarming!




They still don't have any names, because I didn't want to name them without looking into their eyes first! Now I am thinking about names and the names are forming in my mind as I pick them up and look into their faces! Of course, one could argue that I named my own son before ever looking into his eyes, but, that's simply not the case! Long, long, long before my son came into this world, I looked into his eyes many, many times in my dreams at night! So I already knew what his name was! He just turned twelve yesterday and it's hard to believe I have a twelve-year-old! I am so fortunate, blessed, and lucky to have him! We had a rainbow cake on his birthday, which made me a lot more excited than him! Hahahha!




Well, I will see you all again before the year ends! In the meantime, contemplate upon this:

As many of you already know, I have been mothering some newborn felines for the past days! I am very terrible with keeping track of time, but, I suppose it's been a week? More or less? Well anyway, I have been sharing my adventures in mothering newborn kittens, on my facebook page, since I took the task upon me.



The kittens are the offspring of a stray cat that I took under my wing. I named her Allesandra. Now, Allesandra has a notorious history of being a whore, and has given birth to multiple litters over and over again within very short periods of time! In fact, it hasn't even been two weeks since she gave birth and she's already strutting a new boyfriend proudly around the exterior of the house for me to see! He's definitely her boyfriend! I was calling her just awhile ago and the tom cat actually jumped in front of her and wouldn't let her come to me! He then began to roll around on the ground and she began to do the same, they petted each other with their paws, all while looking up at me, as if to say "Look what a hot couple we are!" Anyway, I grew fond of Alessandra despite her shortcomings, and she in turn taught me various life lessons! Well, I was feeding her the entire time she was pregnant with this particular litter, so I couldn't just leave them to die once she gave birth to them! She wasn't going to take care of them, wouldn't nurse them, and even tried to attack them! Thereafter, the kitties lived in a box under my care. One passed away early on, because it didn't trust me. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do, for it fought me with all of it's little might! It simply refused to feed, and fought me away, clawing at my hands and pushing me away! As I explained on my facebook page, it had an ideal and it wouldn't settle for anything other than it's ideal, which was to be with it's mom! While it's siblings gave me their trust and sucked at the eyedropper full of milk, putting their lives in my hands; the other little kitty would rather die than give up on a dream! Which sounds all too familiar in our own lives, doesn't it? We often think we know what's best for us, and would kick, claw, fight to the end just to get what we want! We don't trust Divine Providence. All along, there was something better being offered! Different, but better.



Well, now I have three felines. And I want to write about the extraordinary bond I seem to have with them! It's definitely extraordinary! For one, if I simply look at them, they will immediately wake from even the deepest sleep and begin to meow and claw up the sides of the box to try and get to me! But now, they've actually figured out how to manipulate me! Their eyes aren't even open yet, but they already have me all figured out! They start crying, and I feed them, but they still won't stop crying, so I pick them up and put them on my leg, they instantaneously grow limp all over, fall asleep, and begin purring! They purr non-stop and I didn't even know that kittens so tiny could already purr! So, they've found a way to get onto my lap! I think they are already beginning to become spoiled! But that's beside the point, what I'm trying to explain is how extraordinary it is that they fall asleep purring at the very touch of my skin! One even climbed up my pants and shirt just to get to my shoulder where it buried itself in my neck! I was feeding the other one at the time, and hardly noticed it was climbing me with it's claws until it was already nestled in my neck! It's just extraordinary, is all. I'm very fascinated by this  bond the kittens have formed with me! With my mere presence and with the mere touch of my skin!



Well, I will have to go now, it's Christmas Eve for goodness' sake! And I smell like stinky kitties! Uffft! I feel like I am taking care of three human babies all at the same time! Suddenly I am smelling like poop and pee and I have to carry them when they cry!



Merry Christmas! To you and to your kitties!





One of my little felines

My novella, Saint Paul Trois Châteaux: 1948, may currently be downloaded for FREE into your Kindle device! I gave this promo the name "The World Didn't End promo." At least, that's what it says in my Kindle author dashboard (I don't think anyone else can see it!) So, in celebration of the world not ending (or as a way to soothe your disappointment over the world not ending), I offer you my novella for free download on Kindle, from today through December 27! Consider this my Christmas gift to you, as well! 




Here is a direct link:




DOWNLOAD HERE





If you have any problems or questions, please don't hesitate to ask, and I will try my best to help you! I'm also new at offering promos, so I am crossing my fingers hoping that I have done everything successfully and nobody has any problems downloading! For any inquiries or if you need any assistance, please write on my Facebook Timeline.